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Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
The Q-tip in my ear accidentally punctured my eardrum. "God Damnit, I'm ******* deaf in my left ear now," I screamed! Oh well, I'm falling apart, what else is new? My ear was bleeding now, but I decided I was going to take a shower before going to the emergency room. I didn't want to smell.
The water was calm and soothing. Blood ran down the side of my head as I lathered up with soap. I thought about chickens. I thought of how unfair it must be to born in some chicken hatching machine. To be fed grain for a few years kept in a cage with thouasands of other chickens. What if some of the other chickens were ********? That would suck to be stuck in a cage with some ******* your whole life, only to have your head chopped off. Watching your body running around before you die.
While I was busy thinking about chickens I dropped the soap by accident. When i picked it up again it scooted out of my grasp once again. This happened about 8 times before I finally had a good grip on it. "Son of a *****," I muttered to myself. I rinsed myself off and was still bleeding from the ear. I stepped out and realized i forgot to set a towel down to stand on. I decided I should dry my feet off so I didn't slip. As I stepped forward to reach for a towel, my foot slipped out from under me and I cracked my head on the back of the tub.
I woke up some time later. I wasn't sure how long it had been. There was a pool of blood on the floor from where my ear was bleeding from and the back of my head was bleeding as well now. So I brushed my teeth. I accidentally swallowed some toothpaste. It tasted like the universe hates me today, if there is such a taste, I've decided that's it.
I some how managed to make it out of the bathroom alive and got dressed so I could drive myself to the emergency room. As I was putting on some socks I started to wonder if driving after receiving a possible concussion was such a great idea, but then I got distracted. They were black socks. Black uncomfortable socks. Made me think about beaver dams and crappy fruit flavored ice creams. I figured with my luck I'd get into an accident on the way to the emergency room. I wasn't about to pay for an ambulance ride though. So I grabbed my keys and got in the car.
Well, after some time and the usual bullshit one must endure when dealing with doctors, I was good to go. Turns out there was really nothing they could do about my ear. I was deaf now in my left ear, but at least it had stopped bleeding. They put a few stitches in the back of my head and sent me on my way.
My doctor was kind of cute. I think she caught me checking her ass out though. I was a bit embarassed, but I'm getting to old to care about minor things like that. I noticed she had a ring on her finger so I refrained from starting any bullshit chit chat. Besides what was I going to say, "Hey, I think your beautiful. I work in construction and am an alcoholic. Wanna grab some coffee?" Hot doctor chicks don't date guys like me. Even if they are single.
As I was driving home I decided to buy a hamburger. I didn't eat it though. My next door neighbor is a ******* prick. He doesn't know that I hate him. And I'm honestly not sure why I do. I'm always nice when I see him. He drives a Toyota Celica and I've heard him listening to Cat Stevens. He has a german shephard and I've seen him with his girl a few times, but I guess they dont' live together yet for some reason.
When I got home I checked to see if he had gotten back from work yet. I had the day off luckily and didn't have to call in to work and tell them I couldn't come in because I poked a hole in my ear with a Q-tip, slipped on the bathroom floor after dropping the soap 8 times, and ended up with a concussion from the fall. He didn't appear to be home. The car was gone. So I walked out on to the middle of his lawn. I looked around to make sure nobody saw what i was about to do. Then i quickly unwrapped the hamburger and threw it on his roof. I ran off laughing histarically. I couldn't wait for him to ask me about it.
I was going over scenarios of what I'd say when he asked me. I finally decided what my answer would be. I thought he might say something like, "did you happen to see anyone throw a hamburger on my roof? I came home from work today and saw this big sloppy hamburger mess on my roof."
I would take a gander at my well planned mess and respond, "No, I hadn't even noticed." "Did it have pickles on it?" It would be perfect. I'd have to make sure to keep a straight face though. After words I'd probably offer to get my ladder and go up there and get it down for him. I always needed some sort of ritualistic cleansing for my antics against poor Chet Chellaham, the prick... In reality, though he is a nice guy, but god ****.
To be continued...
The Q-tip in my ear accidentally punctured my eardrum. "God Damnit, I'm ******* deaf in my left ear now," I screamed! Oh well, I'm falling apart, what else is new? My ear was bleeding now, but I decided I was going to take a shower before going to the emergency room. I didn't want to smell.
The water was calm and soothing. Blood ran down the side of my head as I lathered up with soap. I thought about chickens. I thought of how unfair it must be to born in some chicken hatching machine. To be fed grain for a few years kept in a cage with thouasands of other chickens. What if some of the other chickens were ********? That would suck to be stuck in a cage with some ******* your whole life, only to have your head chopped off. Watching your body running around before you die.
While I was busy thinking about chickens I dropped the soap by accident. When i picked it up again it scooted out of my grasp once again. This happened about 8 times before I finally had a good grip on it. "Son of a *****," I muttered to myself. I rinsed myself off and was still bleeding from the ear. I stepped out and realized i forgot to set a towel down to stand on. I decided I should dry my feet off so I didn't slip. As I stepped forward to reach for a towel, my foot slipped out from under me and I cracked my head on the back of the tub.
I woke up some time later. I wasn't sure how long it had been. There was a pool of blood on the floor from where my ear was bleeding from and the back of my head was bleeding as well now. So I brushed my teeth. I accidentally swallowed some toothpaste. It tasted like the universe hates me today, if there is such a taste, I've decided that's it.
I some how managed to make it out of the bathroom alive and got dressed so I could drive myself to the emergency room. As I was putting on some socks I started to wonder if driving after receiving a possible concussion was such a great idea, but then I got distracted. They were black socks. Black uncomfortable socks. Made me think about beaver dams and crappy fruit flavored ice creams. I figured with my luck I'd get into an accident on the way to the emergency room. I wasn't about to pay for an ambulance ride though. So I grabbed my keys and got in the car.
Well, after some time and the usual bullshit one must endure when dealing with doctors, I was good to go. Turns out there was really nothing they could do about my ear. I was deaf now in my left ear, but at least it had stopped bleeding. They put a few stitches in the back of my head and sent me on my way.
My doctor was kind of cute. I think she caught me checking her ass out though. I was a bit embarassed, but I'm getting to old to care about minor things like that. I noticed she had a ring on her finger so I refrained from starting any bullshit chit chat. Besides what was I going to say, "Hey, I think your beautiful. I work in construction and am an alcoholic. Wanna grab some coffee?" Hot doctor chicks don't date guys like me. Even if they are single.
As I was driving home I decided to buy a hamburger. I didn't eat it though. My next door neighbor is a ******* prick. He doesn't know that I hate him. And I'm honestly not sure why I do. I'm always nice when I see him. He drives a Toyota Celica and I've heard him listening to Cat Stevens. He has a german shephard and I've seen him with his girl a few times, but I guess they dont' live together yet for some reason.
When I got home I checked to see if he had gotten back from work yet. I had the day off luckily and didn't have to call in to work and tell them I couldn't come in because I poked a hole in my ear with a Q-tip, slipped on the bathroom floor after dropping the soap 8 times, and ended up with a concussion from the fall. He didn't appear to be home. The car was gone. So I walked out on to the middle of his lawn. I looked around to make sure nobody saw what i was about to do. Then i quickly unwrapped the hamburger and threw it on his roof. I ran off laughing histarically. I couldn't wait for him to ask me about it.
I was going over scenarios of what I'd say when he asked me. I finally decided what my answer would be. I thought he might say something like, "did you happen to see anyone throw a hamburger on my roof? I came home from work today and saw this big sloppy hamburger mess on my roof."
I would take a gander at my well planned mess and respond, "No, I hadn't even noticed." "Did it have pickles on it?" It would be perfect. I'd have to make sure to keep a straight face though. After words I'd probably offer to get my ladder and go up there and get it down for him. I always needed some sort of ritualistic cleansing for my antics against poor Chet Chellaham, the prick... In reality, though he is a nice guy, but god ****.
To be continued...