Appearence affecting my confidence

[Woz]

Okay so when I was young I was big and fat and was always shy. I began to lose weight halfway during secondary/high school; i'm now in my 3rd year at college and am 5ft 9" and 11st. I can't seem to lose or gain weight not tone my body, but that's probably because I never set myself a goal. This doesn't affect me anyway, but I think talking to old friends and hearing "i remember when you used to be well fat" knocks me back.

Anyway 2 years ago I went to a party when I was still recovering from the cosmetic injuries of my accident and someone told me "you're the ugliest kid i've ever seen". Now every time I think of that moment, it sticks in my head and makes me feel scared that I'm so ugly.

I think I am quite a confident person because I think I'm a pretty decent person, but when I walk around the streets or places filled with people, I feel like everyone's looking at me and thinking "he's so ugly". I put on a fake confidence to pretend I don't care about it, but I aways feel worse.

I've been told I've got a big nose and I hardly ever get compliments or looks from girls or whatever. My parents say I'm handsome but I'm the typical son that can't believe his parents when they say he looks good.

Was wondering if there was any ways to walk around without worrying about how I look? I feel the way I am doesn't ever fit with what I look like; as if i look like a complete weirdo or something. Hopefully this makes sense to someone lol. Cheers

 

[Tiina63]

Some people are so insenstive and don't think about the consequences of their words. That rude person who hurt you so much probably forgot what he said to you two minutes later, but you are left with the pain and the worry. It would be easy to say to you not to let someone so rude hurt you, but this wouldn't take away the damage their words have done.
Our society places far too much emphasis on looks and not enough on character. Even if you are not classically handsome, (and I think that you will be much better looking than you think you are), you sound as though you have a nice nature and a good heart, and these are far more valuable and rarer qualities than superficial good looks. Most of the people you see in the street will be worrying about their own perceived shortcomings to think overmuch about anyone else.
I don't know how you could stop worrying about your looks -we all do it to an extent. Maybe you could try counselling?

 

[LonelyInAtl]

I have the same issue, but mine comes from natural unattractiveness and being overweight.

 

[Iceman1978]

I wouldn't wish my looks on my worst enemy.

 

[Barbaloot]

^ You all look completely normal. I don't know what standard you expect for yourselves, but most people don't have such stunning good looks that they get complimented everywhere they go. But Tiina is right, insides matter more, and it's unlikely that many people think too much on your appearance. If it really plagues you, she's also right in saying that counseling might be a good option.

 

[Iceman1978]

^ You all look completely normal. I don't know what standard you expect for yourselves, but most people don't have such stunning good looks that they get complimented everywhere they go. But Tiina is right, insides matter more, and it's unlikely that many people think too much on your appearance. If it really plagues you, she's also right in saying that counseling might be a good option.

You make a very good point, but I would also say that most people haven't been called ugly right to their face (as I have)

 

[LonelyInAtl]

most people don't have such stunning good looks that they get complimented everywhere they go. But Tiina is right, insides matter more

One might not get complemented, but they don't get told they're too fat or unattractive either. Both have happened to me multiple times.

And I still say the "insides matter more" is BS in the beginning. One can't get to know the inside if they never give you a chance due to no physical attraction.

 

[Barbaloot]

^^ Oy.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Confidence has nothing to do with your appearance. Confidence is either something you have or something you don't, or something you have to work to build. You have to be comfortable with your own body, no matter what other people say. It's the person themselves who let their appearance and what other people say affect their confidence. I knew a guy in high school that had a really bad acne problem, he was the persona of a "pizza face", he was incredibly confident and outgoing. He didn't let it bother him, he hit on girls all the time, was very boisterous, had a huge personality. He may not have always gotten the girl but he still never let that get him down or stop him. It's who you are. You change what you can and accept what you can't.

 

[Moe'sTavern]

I agree with the responses on here. Most people don't have such stunning good looks. I'm pretty average myself. If you can't find confidence in your looks, find confidence in something else about you and run with it. Ideally one should find confidence in both though.

 

[LonelyInAtl]

I agree with the responses on here. Most people don't have such stunning good looks. I'm pretty average myself. If you can't find confidence in your looks, find confidence in something else about you and run with it. Ideally one should find confidence in both though.

I have absolute confidence in my technical skills related to my career.

In the romance and looks department? Not so much.

Sometimes I wish I could balance the scales a bit.

 

[Skid Row 89]

What is even worse is when you have both a sub par appearance and personality like me lol

 

[perfanoff]

Okay so when I was young I was big and fat and was always shy. I began to lose weight halfway during secondary/high school; i'm now in my 3rd year at college and am 5ft 9" and 11st. I can't seem to lose or gain weight not tone my body, but that's probably because I never set myself a goal. This doesn't affect me anyway, but I think talking to old friends and hearing "i remember when you used to be well fat" knocks me back.

Anyway 2 years ago I went to a party when I was still recovering from the cosmetic injuries of my accident and someone told me "you're the ugliest kid i've ever seen". Now every time I think of that moment, it sticks in my head and makes me feel scared that I'm so ugly.

I think I am quite a confident person because I think I'm a pretty decent person, but when I walk around the streets or places filled with people, I feel like everyone's looking at me and thinking "he's so ugly". I put on a fake confidence to pretend I don't care about it, but I aways feel worse.

I've been told I've got a big nose and I hardly ever get compliments or looks from girls or whatever. My parents say I'm handsome but I'm the typical son that can't believe his parents when they say he looks good.

Was wondering if there was any ways to walk around without worrying about how I look? I feel the way I am doesn't ever fit with what I look like; as if i look like a complete weirdo or something. Hopefully this makes sense to someone lol. Cheers

See you may not, but you SHOULD worry how you look. Why would you want to have false confidence?

PS The obvious solution is to first improve your looks.

PPS People always look at each other all the time, they don't need to find you ugly (or attractive for that matter) to throw a glance at you.

 

[Saucer]

I am well shy myself and do not possess anything that can be called confidence and like you I think people are watching me whenever I'm in a populated area and think bad thoughts about me.

However I can stop my own thoughts and walk outside without torturing myself by simply asking myself, "Do I think that they are gonna look at me, think I am ugly and then remember me? Will they go home and tell their friends of that ugly person they saw on the streets? If we cross paths tomorrow will they recognise me as the ugly guy from the day before?" And the answer obviously is no, so even if I think I am ugly and I think others find me ugly... It will not stop me from being able to comfortably walk around town like any other person, I will not let it do so.

And besides, have you ever come across a random person and thought that person was ugly?
You are not ugly, I can say that without ever having seen you because ugliness is only something you see in yourself through the imagined eyes of the others.

 

[FlyingPlatypus]

One of the things, that holds us back the most is worrying about what others are thinking about you. Not everyone is judging you 24/7 wherever you go. Just relax! And looks are not so important. As you may know most of the people are pretty average-looking and that doesn't seem to affect their life.

 

[LonelyInAtl]

And looks are not so important. As you may know most of the people are pretty average-looking and that doesn't seem to affect their life.

You can't tell me looks don't matter in all cases. Do you think a person who is below-average looking has just as easy of a time meeting someone of the opposite sex than someone who is average or above-average looking? If so, you are wearing rose colored glasses.

 

[Skid Row 89]

One of the things, that holds us back the most is worrying about what others are thinking about you. Not everyone is judging you 24/7 wherever you go. Just relax! And looks are not so important. As you may know most of the people are pretty average-looking and that doesn't seem to affect their life.

When you're constantly criticised for your appearance it starts to affect your life and becomes grating.

 

[FlyingPlatypus]

Of course looks matter in some cases, especially when trying to make a good first impression or as you said when trying to date a better looking person. But really it depends on the person you are communicating with. Saying that all people judge others entirely by their looks is a sweeping generalisation fallacy. Character matters more than facial or body features in some cases, don't you think so?

 

[LonelyInAtl]

Of course looks matter in some cases, especially when trying to make a good first impression or as you said when trying to date a better looking person. But really it depends on the person you are communicating with. Saying that all people judge others entirely by their looks is a sweeping generalization fallacy. Character matters more than facial or body features in some cases, don't you think so?

It matters when trying to get a date, PERIOD. In the end people may not judge solely on looks, but there is nothing else to go on when you initially meet someone. If a person is not physically attracted to a potential suitor who comes up to them and expresses interest, they will automatically dismiss this person based on the lack of attraction. They may be polite and converse for a few minutes, but the decision has already been made in the first 30 seconds. Hence, the character or personality is never really given a chance to "shine".

 

[Skid Row 89]

Of course looks matter in some cases, especially when trying to make a good first impression or as you said when trying to date a better looking person. But really it depends on the person you are communicating with. Saying that all people judge others entirely by their looks is a sweeping generalization fallacy. Character matters more than facial or body features in some cases, don't you think so?

It matters when trying to get a date, PERIOD. In the end people may not judge solely on looks, but there is nothing else to go on when you initially meet someone. If a person is not physically attracted to a potential suitor who comes up to them and expresses interest, they will automatically dismiss this person based on the lack of attraction. They may be polite and converse for a few minutes, but the decision has already been made in the first 30 seconds. Hence, the character or personality is never really given a chance to "shine".

Sad but true