Attraction. Physical or Mental

[Xpendable]

Words like "opinion" and "belief" are not a good example to prove a point.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Words like "opinion" and "belief" are not a good example to prove a point.

Actually, they are.  I wasn't aware biology tells you what you can and cannot feel and what to believe.  Oh wait, it doesn't because...wait for it....each individual person has different beliefs.  Each individual person is attracted to different things.

 

[ShybutHi]

Words like "opinion" and "belief" are not a good example to prove a point.

Actually, they are.  I wasn't aware biology tells you what you can and cannot feel and what to believe.  Oh wait, it doesn't because...wait for it....each individual person has different beliefs.  Each individual person is attracted to different things.

Yes, to assume that attraction for every person is resigned to only what biology dictates is actually very ignorant. There is a plethora of psychological reasons as to why someone may be attracted to different things. I mean, it has been documented that some people are even attracted to inanimate objects ffs.

 

[Xpendable]

"I wasn't aware biology tells you what you can and cannot feel and what to believe. "

You need to read more.

"each individual person has different beliefs."

Because of biology.

"Each individual person is attracted to different things."

Because of biology.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You need to get out more. lol

 

[VanillaCreme]

I guess some people just don't understand that kind of perspective on relationships and attraction.

Because those people understand biology.

I don't care if you meant this as an insult or not, but you don't have to be rude. Keep your snide comments to yourself.

 

[ardour]

The thing is though... while there are these factors, some people like me essentially don't consciously deny someone romantically based from physical reasons ever, because the physical aspect matters such little. I don't see someone with a twisted nose, a big upper lip, a double chin and an odd hairstyle and say this person could never be a great companion to me, nor that her smile means less than someone who is a lip model... That person could be a better companion than any woman who works as a model.

So you'd be open to a relationship with another man then?

 

[VanillaCreme]

The thing is though... while there are these factors, some people like me essentially don't consciously deny someone romantically based from physical reasons ever, because the physical aspect matters such little. I don't see someone with a twisted nose, a big upper lip, a double chin and an odd hairstyle and say this person could never be a great companion to me, nor that her smile means less than someone who is a lip model... That person could be a better companion than any woman who works as a model.

So you'd be open to a relationship with another man then?

You ask as if it's not possible. Some guys are attracted to other guys. Same with ladies; Some prefer other ladies. Not saying you, Shy! Just in general. It happens.

 

[EmilyFoxSeaton]

It's interesting to me to find how many people here deny the concept of personality over physical looks for attraction. 

I think some people have to stick to their vision of the world or their carefully crafted view they want to have. 

With regard to the idea of a same sex relationship because of the personality... I think that is indeed something that could happen. Though I have never had a homosexual relationship or been tempted I think bisexuality is the perfect answer to the idea that "attraction" per se rules. Because if you are attracted to male or female than we can say personality is the real thing. 

What about when people get older and due to hormones just don't have physical attraction like they used to. They still fall in love and want to have sex... because their mind is engaged.

 

[ardour]

The thing is though... while there are these factors, some people like me essentially don't consciously deny someone romantically based from physical reasons ever, because the physical aspect matters such little. I don't see someone with a twisted nose, a big upper lip, a double chin and an odd hairstyle and say this person could never be a great companion to me, nor that her smile means less than someone who is a lip model... That person could be a better companion than any woman who works as a model.

So you'd be open to a relationship with another man then?

Some guys are attracted to other guys.

Sure -   gay men.  That's their (biologically determined) sexual orientation. I'm assuming ShybutHi isn't gay though.

 

[ShybutHi]

The thing is though... while there are these factors, some people like me essentially don't consciously deny someone romantically based from physical reasons ever, because the physical aspect matters such little. I don't see someone with a twisted nose, a big upper lip, a double chin and an odd hairstyle and say this person could never be a great companion to me, nor that her smile means less than someone who is a lip model... That person could be a better companion than any woman who works as a model.

So you'd be open to a relationship with another man then?

Nah I wouldn't have a relationship with another man as I don't get romantic or sexual attraction toward guys.

 

[ardour]

I find that when it comes to attraction, I pretty much purely only care about personality and not physical looks.

This statement can't taken as unequivocally true then. Obviously the person has to look female in order for you to be attracted to them.

 

[ShybutHi]

I find that when it comes to attraction, I pretty much purely only care about personality and not physical looks.

This statement can't taken as unequivocally true then. Obviously the person has to look female in order for you to be attracted to them.

Just because I have an incredible low care for physical features for attraction and a relationship, doesn't mean I don't prefer boobs and vag to put it kinda bluntly, or feminine traits. So yes, they have to be females for me to be attracted to them. That doesn't actually go against what I said.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Why is everyone (by everyone, I mean a few) trying so **** hard to pick apart everything Shy said? He specified WOMEN in his original post, so of course he's straight.

 

[ShybutHi]

Why is everyone (by everyone, I mean a few) trying so **** hard to pick apart everything Shy said?  He specified WOMEN in his original post, so of course he's straight.

Perhaps they think it's some kind of lie, as if if a woman who was considered generally physically unattractive by society was to approach me, it would mean I would turn them down even if I liked their personality... That would simply not be true at all though because the personality aspect is by far the main area of attraction to the point that looks don't really matter. 

It seems some people are trying to twist what I said into an absolute statement of 100% not caring about physical attributes... But that is obviously not what I mean and also not what I actually said.  :club:

 

[ardour]

There's evidence men rate a larger percentage of the female population average or above average in terms of appearance: https://theblog.okcupid.com/your-looks-and-your-inbox-8715c0f1561e It's easier to say "looks don't matter" if you think of the majority of the opposite sex as falling within an 'acceptable' attractiveness range anyway.

Nevermind though..

 

[Sci-Fi]

Oh yeah I so want to believe what an okcupid blog posts...seriously?

I'm with Shy, I'm more attracted to a woman's personality than their looks.

 

[TheRealCallie]

There's evidence men rate a larger percentage of the female population average or above average in terms of appearance than women do men: https://theblog.okcupid.com/your-looks-and-your-inbox-8715c0f1561e  It's easier to say "looks don't matter" if you consider a majority of the opposite sex as falling within an 'acceptable' attractiveness range anyway.

Nevermind though..

It's easier to say looks don't matter when you don't concern yourself so **** much with how someone looks on the outside and focus more on whether they are ugly on the inside.

 

[ardour]

It's easier to say looks don't matter when you don't concern yourself so **** much with how someone looks on the outside and focus more on whether they are ugly on the inside.

I’m not overly concerned with appearance. It’s not the no.1 priority, but there does need to be some physical attraction there to consider someone romantically (As ugly as fresia as I am, I still can’t help this), and it seems like most people feel similarly. Maybe this will change when I'm 60+ (be interesting to know the OP's age btw)

 

[TheRealCallie]

It's easier to say looks don't matter when you don't concern yourself so **** much with how someone looks on the outside and focus more on whether they are ugly on the inside.

I’m not overly concerned with appearance. It’s not the no.1 priority, but there does need to be some physical attraction there to consider someone romantically (As ugly as fresia as I am, I still can’t help this).  It seems like most people feel similarly .

No one is saying that there is NO attraction to physical appearance, but I have been in relationships where I was not physically attracted to the guy until after I got to know him better.
Also, MOST does not equal ALL.