I got bullied my freshman year in high school. It happened about once or twice a week by different groups of people. At the end of the school year, I experienced a particularly bad episode. A handful of seniors brought along their little 8th grade "apprentices" along and bullied me outside of a local movie theater. They took my money, kicked me around, and spit their drinks in my face. I was never so humiliated in my life. I realized that it wasn't ever going to stop unless I did something about it. After that moment, I made a promise to myself that I would never let anyone push me around like that again, and I stuck to it.
I went after every single person that ever bullied me, and bullied them back. If they ever walked by me, I'd push them or stare them down. I'd cuss and laugh in their face. I basically did anything I could to try and aggravate them, but they wouldn't retaliate; before the beginning of sophomore year, I had attacked some kids with a steel pipe (along with some of my friends from a different school), and everyone knew about it. I also didn't keep it a secret that I carried weapons around with me. By the end of sophomore year, every single person that had pushed me around before was too scared to even look me in the face.
Of course, when you undergo such extreme personal changes, your life circumstances are bound to change, too. I was still friends with all the "geeks" and "nerds" at my high school, but I also started hanging out with a lot of kids who were in gangs (partly in case any of the people I pushed around decided to get me back). I started getting into LOTS of trouble; I started ditching school, getting into fights, shoplifting, etc. My family, along with many of the families in my community, were terrified of me (they told me this years later). I got called in to the police station more than once for things I didn't even do. My reputation was so bad, that anytime there was trouble people naturally assumed I was involved. Eventually, I got kicked out of my high school, got put on probation, and became even more violent.
I went from being a nice, shy kid to an extremely violent, hateful individual. A part of me feels glad that I did it; I learned to stand up for myself, and not back down to people no matter how big or scary they appeared. On the other hand, I regret all the damage I caused to other people. I made it a point only to push around those that tried to do it to me, but I'm sure I probably did it to some innocent kids, too.
I remember, one day, being told by a friend that he overheard some guy calling me a bully. I ended up becoming the very thing I hated so much. Some days, I just sit and shake my head, unable to believe all the crazy crap I used to do as a teenager. Nowadays, I try to take the peaceful route at all costs. I've realized that violence only feeds into more violence, and it can turn a person into something truly ugly.
Some of you say you'd stand up for yourselves and fight back. At that age, though, you don't know what would have happened. Things could have spiraled out of control for you, like it did with me. When I first started out, I didn't expect things to turn out the way they did. It took me a lot of years to bounce back from that -- to train myself not to have that violent mentality anymore. When you see the faces of the people that pushed you around filled with fear, the feeling you get becomes addicting. You start wanting everyone that ever hurt you to feel that fear.
It's like your not able to stand up for yourself and now someone else is which just makes you feel even lower.
