Being Left Behind

[fadingaway22]

Despite my positive efforts, one theme tends to dominate my life : everyone I love goes away and leaves me alone. My parents are dead, my first love is gone, and the pattern seems to continue. I am destined to be alone, cursed by the fact that everyone I love goes away. I know I am not a nice a person at times, but is this a just punishment ? Does anyone else feel my pain? If so, how do you deal with it ?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Abandonment issues...

My HS girl died...then Jenni died.
The 2 people that I felt loved me truely for who I am.
Not twice in a life time...The first time it tore me a fucken new ass-hole.
The second time it happen..it tore every fucken peice of me.

Reach out and talk to other people that's gone through it.
Live through it and found a way out or peace.
Or just bounce it off to who ever is willing to listen...
I write these long stupid ass post whether they make sense or not...becuase half of the honeysuckle I don't even understand.

Anger, guilt, shame, remose, regrets ...the whole 9 yards.
Cry alot feel the pain, process it, let go....
I deal with it to the best of my abilities..sometimes my best ain't worth a fresia...

Acceptence is a son of a *****...Life on life's term.
Life is not fair...
But by you posting your thread...I know life didn't singled me out of the unfairness.

I had to learn to have compassion for myself and seperate that from self pity.
How could I feel sorry for myself?..you lost you're parents.
I have no clue how you have been able to live this long and still manage to hang on..inspite of everything.
You have more strenght than I can ever imagine.

No it's not a punsihment...it's just life on life's term.

It is also said people that had gone through so much or suffer so much...achive so, so much.
What is it that gets you up and out of bed everyday...and still continue to live and still have
some type of hope for love and life?
There's great strenght in that...

Maybe visit children hospital, homeless shelter. As bad as I thought I had it...I know it can be alot worst.
Listen...listen to other people. For a moment..just for a moment to not feel my own pains.
For a moment..just for a moment I can't imagine how people live through such horrors, pains and sufferings that's
way..way beyound my comprehension....breathe it in, experince it, feel it , know it. Cry with them if you have too.
Luagh with them when you want too. For a moment I'm gratful to be alive and just be in the moment.
Breath.....

I spent 6 month with an elderly gentalman..I was helping him.
He could't walk and was in constant physical pains. I couldn't imagine that constant pain..I witness it though.
I use to take him the hospital everyday...
Sometimes during my visit at the hospital..I would see people receive bad news of their love once passing.
I watch people totally flip out and just fall apart..asking why ???
I watch people get really, really angery.
I watch people just fall on thier knees and just cry thier heart out.
I watch a young child being strapped to a bed after getting involved in a very bad accident.

Everyday after I come home from taking my freind to the hospital.
I went for a simple walk in the park and just watch a beautiful sunset....I have so, so much to be grateful for.

 

[alice]

Despite my positive efforts, one theme tends to dominate my life : everyone I love goes away and leaves me alone. My parents are dead, my first love is gone, and the pattern seems to continue. I am destined to be alone, cursed by the fact that everyone I love goes away. I know I am not a nice a person at times, but is this a just punishment ? Does anyone else feel my pain? If so, how do you deal with it ?

I don't think you are being punished. It's just something that life likes to throw at us. I'm very sorry to hear about your parents. It may seem like a pattern, but people are constantly going to come into your life and leave your life. Some of them are significant some aren't. You'll find someone, don't worry. I know it's hard, especially when people you love have died. Keep your chin up (easier said than done i know). You'll find love it just takes time.

 

[StarStrider]

Despite my positive efforts, one theme tends to dominate my life : everyone I love goes away and leaves me alone. My parents are dead, my first love is gone, and the pattern seems to continue. I am destined to be alone, cursed by the fact that everyone I love goes away. I know I am not a nice a person at times, but is this a just punishment ? Does anyone else feel my pain? If so, how do you deal with it ?

Although others would beg to differ, I don't think there's such a thing as karma. You must get this idea that you are somehow being "punished" for past deeds out of your head because otherwise it will only serve to demotivate you from continuing the "positive efforts" you allude to.

Few and far between are the souls that are capable of being nice all of the time. Judging from the things you've mentioned about your parents and current situation, I think you can be forgiven for finding it hard to be magnanimous on demand, so don't beat yourself up about it.

Being alone (as opposed to solitude) and especially the feeling of being "left behind" can be a draining and painfully demoralizing state in which to live. Self esteem is usually the first to feel the rub, often accompanied by a mobird propensity to wallow in defeatist anguish.

Unfortunately I don't think there's any one-size-fits-all solution but it helps to try and seize upon an area of your life that has room for immediate improvement and then and engross yourself in doing something about it.

 

[Sodium]

*hug*

I feel the same. Whenever I'd become really close to some one either they move away or I would. Since I moved alot I started to not bother trying to make friends anymore because I'd be leaving anyways or they would. So I was pretty lonely for awhile because I didnt wanna go through the whole goodbye stuff all over again and being lonely.

This isnt a punishment so stop thinking of it as that. I guess everyone has to leave eventually and you cant really do anything about it.

 

[Spare]

*hug*

I feel the same. Whenever I'd become really close to some one either they move away or I would. Since I moved alot I started to not bother trying to make friends anymore because I'd be leaving anyways or they would. So I was pretty lonely for awhile because I didnt wanna go through the whole goodbye stuff all over again and being lonely.

Try not to think of it as losing friends. Think of it as having friends all over the place.