Bullied, can't make friends, men hate me, and I just don't know what to do now...:(

[Cless]

From your post you sound amazingly cheerful and normal for someone in your situation. If you didn't try hard to do that, then I think that's something to admire really.

Being bullied especially about your image has got to be one of the most traumatizing things someone can experience and has long term damages to self esteem for sure and your situation sounds pretty severe.

Even if you're one of those girls that no matter how much makeup you put on, weight you lose, nicely you dress, you still are termed as ugly by the general population, there is still hope. I think you could just look for ways to increase your self esteem in such a way that it's not based on your physical appearances.

I'm a guy and I have many times thought a girl is below average looking but when I talked to her, she irradiates joy and other amazing characteristics but mostly a sense of confidence and self esteem and that automatically makes her a lot more attractive, and I usually find that interesting.

I think there are things that you can change and things that you can't, for now the things I can think of that will make you more attractive is:

- become more fit (athletic girls attract guys not only because they look good but also because it shows that they take care of themselves and usually they have a lot of confidence)
- take more care of your hair (hair adds a HUGE difference in your appearance)
- learn to use make up (lot's of youtube videos, but go as heavy as you want to be)
- dress nicer (don't need to be more revealing, just more fashionable)

If you look better and still have low self esteem, I think people still won't draw near to you on a deep level because it's you as a person that makes people stay with you, good physical appearances just give you more opportunities. So basically on top of all the stuff above, I think the magic that makes it all shine is self esteem.

There's plenty of way to increase self esteem, I don't think I need to say much, if you realize you want it, then you will eventually seek to get it. Best wishes.

 

[Luna]

Leftykmonahan/Von Blown// Sorry that you guys had to go through the same...complete emotional torture it was.

Cooldere719// Thank you for the well wishes. Hope everything works out for you at school. You definitely don't deserve that kind of treatment at all.

Hope// The sad thing is, is that you'll never hear many parents punishing their children for bullying others. Often or not, when a bully's parent is confronted, the bully's parent will blindly deny their child of engaging in such acidic behaviour.

A lot of parents have their noses so deep in their children's honeysuckle, that they don't notice - or believe - their children are hurting others and spreading negativity.

Hence why we have so many dysfunctional, criminal youth running about...it all starts at home.

You are a good parent for doing what you do.
I wish my family had helped me more...when I sought them for help, they told me that I was overreacting, that it has happened to them and happens to everybody.
I was hanging on by a thread back then...but I am in a much better place right now.

Depressedology// Thanks, I'll try.

Cless// Thank you for your advice and insight. I'll keep it in mind.

 

[unlucky in life]

Where to begin?

QUITE LONG I WARN YOU!!! I've been holding this in for a very longgg time; have had no one else to talk to. So here is (just a watered-down version) of my life story lol.

1. BULLIED

From the day that I started school, I remember feeling "different" from everyone else.
During my Elementary school years, I was singled out - for whatever reason - constantly having names hurled at me, being pushed, laughed and scoffed at.
During the wintertime, I would make snow angels and lie in them, wishing that the cold would just envelop me so that the pain would stop. The only thing that kept me going, was the little bit of hope that I still had buried deep inside me and my love for my family.
At the end of 6th grade, I was excited for Junior High thinking that it would be a new chapter of my life. Ready to start the teen years; that I would not have to suffer through racism and bullying as we were all "mature" now.

Boy, was I mistaken. My Junior High years were a complete nightmare. The name-calling, pushing, harassing was at its peak. I was bullied in the classroom, in the hallways, in the courtyard, at the bus stop, even on the **** bus ride home! I was followed everywhere and was constantly told that I was ugly/fugly/hideous/a monster on a daily basis by several different (and groups) people.
I remember walking to the bus stop after school one day, had a hot chick stick her **** idiot head out of the window, and scream to me "YOU'RE F***ING UGLY!!!".
I remember sitting on the bench by myself near the school gym eating lunch, having a group of eight guys stop and stare at me, and one tell me that "You're the F***ing ugliest girl I have ever seen".
I ended up using food - namely chocolate - to cope and gained around 20-30 pounds in a few months. My self-esteem was torn to shreds at this point.

Despite how much they hurt me, I never showed my tears to my bullies. Not the time that I was shoved into a locker nor the time was I punched in the face.

Fast forward to high school, I missed probably around 40-60 days of school each year. At the end of 12th grade, I finally got tired of feeling sorry for myself, and worked hard to lose the weight and succeeded.

2. CAN'T MAKE FRIENDS

Losing weight has helped me come out of my shell a bit more, though I still suffer from a poor self-image. However, I am a friendly, approachable person and have desperately tried to change my life.

I know, I know. I have always been told to take up hobbies and involve myself in activities that I enjoy. Yes. I have done that all of my life - EVERYTHING, alone. I have: joined church groups, joined city events, joined volunteering, tried online dating and meetup sites to no success.

Even in a room full of people, I still feel alone.

You ask my co-workers, they will say that I am "nice/sweet/friendly/funny" etc, but they are not interested in getting to know me further outside of work.

I want a friend.
A friend that I understand, and understands me back. A person that I can talk freely to about the ups and downs in life. I want to be able to just go to the park, go to the movies, travel...not alone for once.
A friend that will give me a shoulder to cry on or a warm hug during times like these when I am feeling sad, and let me know that I am not alone.

3. MEN

Men. don't. like. me.

I am too "baby-faced" is what I am told by my family...or maybe I am just ugly, I don't know lol.
I'm the kind of girl that your mom or grandma would adore.
Lol, that isn't exactly "hot" is it?
I have no sex appeal I guess. When guys see me, perhaps they think of their little sister.

Arggg...I am just so frustrated. Frustrated with my non-existent love life.
What is it like, to be "loved"?
I crave for attention, affection, to be in love and for someone to love me back.
Aside from that, I am craving other things to, but I'll spare you all from the graphic details lol.

Enough misery! I am off to bed now! Only in my dreams do I feel happy...

SIGH!

P.S. You deserve a gold star if you read this far! *MWAH!*

GIRL YOU ARE YOU ARE EXACT SAME AS POUND FOR POUND YOU COULD BE my DOUBLE SOME WHERE we are so much a like you carbon of me and me of you

 

[Luna]

Hey there,

I created this thread in 2009...while I'm not completely where I want to be - I have worked HARD to make improvements and am just starting to see some success.

Try hard and you'll start seeing changes.

 

[Syber Tiger]

i dont get a gold star
i skiped parts
i did speed reading bla blaw *skip* blala

and god luck
btw dam old post

good to hear you have success

 

[SofiasMami]

Hi-
Glad to hear you've had some success.
It does get better.

-Teresa

 

[EricIsMe]

Luna, I read it all. I feel exactly the same as you. I'm just like you, except I went really down in life. I dropped out of school, gained weight, rarely left the house for 6-7 years, no friends the WHOLE time. I still have no friends, at this moment I don't even have any online friends, it's sad. It sucks being alone. If you ever want a friend(which I need too), feel free to message me.

 

[ihatetechnology]

I read your whole post. This was me in middle school and high school. I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 39. Didn't have sex until I was 39. We broke up five years ago. I am in therapy trying to figure it out and it seems hopeless. No one seems to understand either. I wish I had an answer for both of us.

 

[kamya]

Ah luna. Probably one of my top favorite members of all time. And I never got to say hi . Got hurt by a friend and left. I recommend people search up her old threads of you never got a chance to read them. They are great.

 

[constant stranger]

I read your whole post. This was me in middle school and high school. I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 39. Didn't have sex until I was 39. We broke up five years ago. I am in therapy trying to figure it out and it seems hopeless. No one seems to understand either. I wish I had an answer for both of us.

I'm glad to see you here on this forum ihatetechnology and I hope to hear more from you. Nothing is ever really hopeless....at least I don't think so anyway....maybe a dialog with this community will come up with some answers. :shy:

 

[TheSkaFish]

Ah luna. Probably one of my top favorite members of all time. And I never got to say hi . Got hurt by a friend and left. I recommend people search up her old threads of you never got a chance to read them. They are great.

I read Luna's post. Man, it's terrible that she was treated that way, and so unnecessary. But while it was a sad story, I hope it has a happy ending. I saw that Luna is no longer registered here. Do you happen to know by chance what happened to her? I hope she turned out all right.

 

[sunfox]

Hi there

I don't need your gold star.

I just want to be that friend that will understand you, and be the person that you can talk freely to about the ups and downs in life. I want to be that
friend that will give you a shoulder to cry on or a warm hug during times like these when you're feeling down and no one to talk to.
Please reply to my email if you like to have me as a friend..

Cheers

 

[TheRealCallie]

Hi there

I don't need your gold star.

I just want to be that friend that will understand you, and be the person that you can talk freely to about the ups and downs in life. I want to be that
friend that will give you a shoulder to cry on or a warm hug during times like these when you're feeling down and no one to talk to.
Please reply to my email if you like to have me as a friend..

Cheers

Luna is not a member of the forum anymore, so I don't know how you sent her an email.....

 

[bookwormjadi1]

Hey there,

I created this thread in 2009...while I'm not completely where I want to be - I have worked HARD to make improvements and am just starting to see some success.

Try hard and you'll start seeing changes.

See here: https://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=38495&pid=865576#pid865576

Awesome! I'll DO my best ^.^

 

[TheRealCallie]

Again, Luna is long gone......

 

[user 139760]

Hi Luna!

Glad to see you back!


*hides from Callie*

 

[ringwood]

Hi Luna!

Glad to see you back!


*hides from Callie*

 Heheheh. . .

 

[morrowrd]

Where to begin?

QUITE LONG I WARN YOU!!! I've been holding this in for a very longgg time; have had no one else to talk to. So here is (just a watered-down version) of my life story lol.

1. BULLIED

From the day that I started school, I remember feeling "different" from everyone else.
During my Elementary school years, I was singled out - for whatever reason - constantly having names hurled at me, being pushed, laughed and scoffed at.
During the wintertime, I would make snow angels and lie in them, wishing that the cold would just envelop me so that the pain would stop. The only thing that kept me going, was the little bit of hope that I still had buried deep inside me and my love for my family.
At the end of 6th grade, I was excited for Junior High thinking that it would be a new chapter of my life. Ready to start the teen years; that I would not have to suffer through racism and bullying as we were all "mature" now.

Boy, was I mistaken. My Junior High years were a complete nightmare. The name-calling, pushing, harassing was at its peak. I was bullied in the classroom, in the hallways, in the courtyard, at the bus stop, even on the **** bus ride home! I was followed everywhere and was constantly told that I was ugly/fugly/hideous/a monster on a daily basis by several different (and groups) people.
I remember walking to the bus stop after school one day, had a hot chick stick her **** idiot head out of the window, and scream to me "YOU'RE F***ING UGLY!!!".
I remember sitting on the bench by myself near the school gym eating lunch, having a group of eight guys stop and stare at me, and one tell me that "You're the F***ing ugliest girl I have ever seen".
I ended up using food - namely chocolate - to cope and gained around 20-30 pounds in a few months. My self-esteem was torn to shreds at this point.

Despite how much they hurt me, I never showed my tears to my bullies. Not the time that I was shoved into a locker nor the time was I punched in the face.

Fast forward to high school, I missed probably around 40-60 days of school each year.  At the end of 12th grade, I finally got tired of feeling sorry for myself, and worked hard to lose the weight and succeeded.

2. CAN'T MAKE FRIENDS

Losing weight has helped me come out of my shell a bit more, though I still suffer from a poor self-image. However, I am a friendly, approachable person and have desperately tried to change my life.

I know, I know. I have always been told to take up hobbies and involve myself in activities that I enjoy. Yes. I have done that all of my life - EVERYTHING, alone. I have: joined church groups, joined city events, joined volunteering, tried online dating and meetup sites to no success.

Even in a room full of people, I still feel alone.

You ask my co-workers, they will say that I am  "nice/sweet/friendly/funny" etc, but they are not interested in getting to know me further outside of work.

I want a friend.
A friend that I understand, and understands me back. A person that I can talk freely to about the ups and downs in life. I want to be able to just go to the park, go to the movies, travel...not alone for once.
A friend that will give me a shoulder to cry on or a warm hug during times like these when I am feeling sad, and let me know that I am not alone.

3. MEN

Men. don't. like. me.

I am too "baby-faced" is what I am told by my family...or maybe I am just ugly, I don't know lol.
I'm the kind of girl that your mom or grandma would adore.
Lol, that isn't exactly "hot" is it?
I have no sex appeal I guess. When guys see me, perhaps they think of their little sister.

Arggg...I am just so frustrated. Frustrated with my non-existent love life.
What is it like, to be "loved"?
I crave for attention, affection, to be in love and for someone to love me back.
Aside from that, I am craving other things to, but I'll spare you all from the graphic details lol.

Enough misery! I am off to bed now! Only in my dreams do I feel happy...

SIGH!

P.S. You deserve a gold star if you read this far! *MWAH!*

If it makes you feel any better, I can identify with some of the description here about how you look at yourself.  I too was bullied in school - and actually, until you mentioned that you were female, I was thinking you were a male, going through what I went through in school.  School was terrible for me, and my coping skills were equally as terrible if not worse than yours. Chocolate lol..... I began drinking at age 13 to cope. Had bottles of liquor hidden in the drop ceiling of my bedroom.  (long story my childhood)  I went into my adult years with these coping skills and they damaged my relationships with people,  and my self esteem was so bad, I wanted to end my life. I hated myself.

I decided to change, that was around age 28. I had just started a new job two years before, it was a supervisory job with the state, and I was screwing it up big time.  All the inappropriate personality quirks and horrible social skills in addition to my "coping" skills made a mockery out of myself.  I withdrew (willfully) from all socializing and minimized communication with people in general and pressed the reset button.  I went into what I called "personal reform" to try and change who I was.  This is an incredibly long story, and deep, and too personal to write out everything I did. In short, I worked on communication skills which included the art of listening, interpreting, conflict-resolution. I developed an emotional defense grid (personal term) and part of this grid was the use of boundaries in a systematic way to compartmentalize area's of my life and to develop a behavior and communication plan for each. I read books, many of them - and used a handful of role-models for behavior templates.  I reformed my workout plan - something I also began at 13 years old....along with adding drinking to my list of coping resources. 

The end result is a man able to navigate the world just fine, as an island. I'm believe it or not, still at that same job and have been able to redefine myself to a large extent...provided I keep following the plan.  I have learned all the social skills I have through personal reform, and if I follow those social life systems, I am successful.  And I do follow them to a fault - and the price for this type of success is to have no social life or close friends. Any time I attempt to enter a social circle or let someone "in" - fails.  I strangely enough, am successful, or have been successful with women. Maybe it's because women find me honest, and in a relationship I give them attention, I'm always where I say I will be, I'm true to my word, who knows. One thing I do know is that I have gained alot of insight on people, life, and the world in general....just by working on myself. Weird, but true. My fiancee tells me there's no other man like me....and her life with me is the first time she's ever felt safe and secure.  I tell her that she would have not liked me 10 years ago.  It was only when I reached your age...maybe a year or two later, (41 or 42....I'm thinking 42) where I realized all that inner work...worked.  So in the big picture of my life, I haven't been here all that long.

It's different for a woman than a man I realize. Being called ugly, that is a hard thing to have to overcome. Some things you can't do anything about... although some things you can. I have no idea what you look like, but as a man, I can tell you that hot girls, pretty women, all look ugly if I see meanness, loud mouthed behavior, brattiness, selfishness or cruelty.  Sweetness in a woman goes such a long way.  Sweetness and honesty, nurturing and affectionate behavior - all can make you beautiful.

 

[Paraiyar]

^did no read Callie's post? Luna's been gone a long time lol...

 

[user 139760]

Yeah but I love bugging Call...


I mean HI LUNA! HOW ARE YOU!
I'm sorry you were bullied, things will get better!