Bully victims need to let it go

[9006]

Bullying isn't real because the only people who are bullied are those that let themselves be. That's something that doesn't even need to be stated because everyone already knows it. The problem isn't bullying, but people trying to take the easy way out by asking for sympathy. If bullying were a real problem it wouldn't be tolerated. Anything that hasn't been righted is not a real problem.

lol; good one.

I work with youngsters a lot in my line of work. I've got the privilege to know this kid who was bullied by her so-called friends... and having spoken to her, it broke my heart to realise that she was already so emotionally and psychologically affected that she kept thinking of suicide. They taunted her so much that it pressured her and made her feel like it will never end. So she attempted suicide.. I spoke to her friends, and I was there for her every single day, all the way until she graduated secondary school.

When I interact with young people, I realise they do not know any better, they do not know what we as adults, do. They have not experienced life enough to be stronger than you or me, to think that they can just try to ignore it or seek help etc. Some just do not know what to do or have no one to turn to, or even if they do, nothing is done to help them appropriately. To them, the problem, the pain and the hurt will not end.

It's easier for you to say that they let it happen to them, but most of the time, these kids feel powerless and intimidated and it isn't because they allow for it to happen, but it's mainly because they feel small and scared.

Kids are still kids.. no matter how many school talks are being held in schools to create awareness about bullying, it is always different story altogether when bullying is actually taking place in a kid's life, where emotions are involved.

I get the feeling that you're wasting your time explaining this.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I get the feeling that you're wasting your time explaining this.

Yeah, I know. I know BW will likely still have the same opinion. But maybe a real life experience could enlighten him a little.... or not. It's up to him to think about it.

 

[Sterling]

Bullying is a real thing. Here in my area, there have been so many recent suicides due to bullying and it's just sad that someone feels that helpless to their situation, that the only way out (to them) is to end their life. I'm sure a lot of suicides have been done quickly without thinking about it, but killing yourself is one of the biggest decisions you could ever make. I'm not saying you should do it, but really think about everything before making that choice. There isn't a chance to change your mind once it's done and there's no more hope for a better tomorrow because it's gone.

High school was ******* hell. School in general was. A lot of times I just wanted to drop out. My mother's refusal and "_____, I'm not having you drop out of school so you can be a dead beat loser. You're going to do better with your life." is the only thing that kept me in school. So much stupid honeysuckle -_- Food poured in my seat so I couldn't sit with people at lunch, head slammed into lockers because it was "funny"...just all kinds of stupid honeysuckle. Sure I had a few people I talked to...maybe hang out every now and then, but I wouldn't consider them friends. I skipped classes a lot because of the people in them. I had to get my locker location moved because of other students. I spent lunch in the counselor's office every single day sophomore year until graduating so I didn't have to sit alone in the cafeteria. Thankfully, one of my teachers would let me hang out in her classroom during pep rallys, speeches, etc. Maybe I made myself a target. Maybe I didn't try hard enough to make friends. I don't know. I tried being nice to anyone I encountered, I didn't know what else I could do to make people like me. I wish I could have made things different...I missed out on a lot of "high school" things because of it. Didn't go to games, didn't go to proms, didn't go to dances, didn't join clubs...nothing...I just wanted to get out of there asap. I joined ALL when I was about 15 mainly because of it. It's not just students who are the bullies in schools either, it's teachers as well. We're never going to get rid of bullying, but helping to prevent it or helping students find ways to cope is a start to making things better.

I see the people now who were ******** to me in high school and most of them have done nothing with their lives. I'm not saying karma bit them in the ass, but that fact makes me feel a little bit better about it all. The people I am friends with now through work or through college, don't even know about what happened to me in high school, I enjoy it because I don't have to be embarrassed. I can't say that I have forgiven what happened, but I'm getting closer to accepting what happened, happened. I can't go back and change anything. There is no use in holding all this hate within myself. It helps nobody and just carries stress on my shoulders. I just have to push forward.

I'll end all of my ranting and blabbering....what I'm trying to say is, nobody should have to feel that the only way out of their situation, no matter what that situation is, is killing themselves. There has to be other options. But the important thing is, everything got better though once I was out of there. Everything can get better. I promise you that.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

The funny thing is, I've felt powerless for so long that I became a stronger person. Yes, really.

Back when I was 14, I had no power, and I think I realized that. I was easy pickings for the bullies, because they would just have fun with me. At the same time, I realized exactly the type of person I never want to be, and I've vowed to never bully others.

I was suicidal for a long time. I checked myself into a mental hospital in my early 20's for depression and suicidal thoughts. I've been through at least 12 different therapists, all of who have diagnosed me with depression and anxiety. At the same time, I've realized that my power is in helping others, and making others feel better, and I feel I'm a better person for it.

I no longer want to die. I want to live. I think, at 31, I am finally coming to terms with my past bullying, and moving on. Someone who seriously screwed up my life actually apologized to me, and I forgave her. We were kids. I don't think children have the brain capacity to understand why some things are hurtful to others.

 

[Boring-Weirdo]

But where's the compassion for the bullies? Invite your bullies over and apologize to them for being such a tempting target. Then everyone can begin to heal... and to love.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Yes the bullies need more love to be honest and they are bullies for a reason. Their background is usually quite sad. But that does not mean that it is okay to bully others just because they have issues.

 

[Rainbows]

But where's the compassion for the bullies? Invite your bullies over and apologize to them for being such a tempting target. Then everyone can begin to heal... and to love.

This must be the strangest thing I've read today?

Apologize to them for being a tempting target? what?

 

[EveWasFramed]

But where's the compassion for the bullies? Invite your bullies over and apologize to them for being such a tempting target. Then everyone can begin to heal... and to love.

OK...finally, a very clear attempt at trolling. You can't really explain this comment as anything else. This results in a 3 day ban. Your next one will be permanent.

 

[Marios]

Just a humble remark, from a new member:

[video=youtube]

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I wasn't offended by what he said, mostly because of how stupid it was.

I did forgive my bullies, but it wasn't an apology from me. I just didn't let what they did hurt my heart.

 

[Spy]

When I was in high school, I was bullied for about four years. It didn't stop until my physical education teacher told me several times:

"Defend yourself. Punch one and they will stop."

He also told this to my parents when it was the teacher-parents meeting. My parents told me the same thing. Eventually, a few weeks later I started to defend myself and to punch guys. I fought six times in about two or three months and I won all my fights.

Today, if I see a kid that has been bullied my best advice would be to defend yourself and to punch the guys. It was the best thing I have done in my whole life because after this point, I started to improve myself and improve my self-confidence ...

 

[randomdude]

In the end i figured that everything negative bullies point at me comes from their own weakness or problem.

 

[Spy]

And a few years after, the bullies are going to do nothing with their life and the victims often become the boss of a company. At least, that's what I read once.

 

[Goblin]

And a few years after, the bullies are going to do nothing with their life and the victims often become the boss of a company. At least, that's what I read once.

We would hope so, but that's not always the case.

My stepsiblings were rather nasty to me growing up and are struggling as adults, but that's due to their impulsive personalities and tendency to run with bad crowds. Those things are bound to bite anyone in the ass sooner or later. Other people's bullies grew up to have a wife, kids, a nice house, and a nice job.

Yes the bullies need more love to be honest and they are bullies for a reason. Their background is usually quite sad. But that does not mean that it is okay to bully others just because they have issues.

I would apply this to children and younger teens, but I'm skeptical about applying it to anyone older because while their brains aren't fully developed they're developed enough to have some real understanding of what they're doing. A 6-year-old doesn't hit because he's a bad person and genuinely enjoys the suffering of his peers, he hits because he's small, something is wrong, and he doesn't know what to do about it and may not fully comprehend how he's hurting other kids. Children and teens who are aggressive and mean might be lagging behind in areas like empathy or impulse control, which can be improved with intervention (if only we cared about intervention!).

There are always exceptions, of course...

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Trust I wish it was easy for me to simply let it go & it seems like my therapist wants me to let it go... but it's hard to simply let it go. Everyone heals differently and nobody should let anyone else to let it go, if they're not ready to let it go than they're not ready. And a awhile ago I tried to push myself to let it go and to get over with what happened to me: it ended up back firing and making my emotional health much worse than it already was. Learned a lot by doing this and I won't ever do this again... =(

 

[Spy]

I suffered for years of the side effects of bullying. I hardly had any success with women. I fear to approach and talk to beautiful women I see on the street, on the bus, subway ...

 

[Reverie]

It's one of those things that will always effect my life.
So, I can't just let it go, but I'm not going to let it take over, neither.
Basically...

 

[Spy]

You're right. Never let it take over. Always fight.

 

[Reverie]

The bullying was awful but I refuse to "just let it go". I remember those moments and because of that I know what I stand for. Who I never want to be nor my future kids.

Bullies made a great impact on me, negatively. And sometimes I feel like crap because of all the things that happened - and that's not because I want to feel miserable, but just because I am miserable.


@Leaningintothemuse: I don't think GrannySmith was implying that she's bullied others? Isn't that what people often say? "If you stop reacting to the bullies they'll stop bullying you cos there's no fun in bullying someone who doesn't react?" At least, that's what my teachers told me; It didn't work though, but hey!

LOL. The teacher would always tell me the exact same thing, "just ignore it, don't react to it."
*****, how can I ignore & not react to people getting in my face, directly personally insulting me? <_<

 

[Spy]

Isn't that what people often say? "If you stop reacting to the bullies they'll stop bullying you cos there's no fun in bullying someone who doesn't react?" At least, that's what my teachers told me; It didn't work though, but hey!

LOL. The teacher would always tell me the exact same thing, "just ignore it, don't react to it."
*****, how can I ignore & not react to people getting in my face, directly personally insulting me? <_<

[/quote]

It seems that's the only thing people will tell you when you are bullying. Don't pay attention to those bastards and they will stop. Yeah, yeah. And they continue all the time.

In my opinion, the best thing to make a bully stop is to surprise him or her and knocked this bully in front of other people. Once they begin to fear you, you are on the good way to improve yourself. I don't mean "fear" like attacking people but "fear" like getting respect from others.

I respect you so respect me. You don't respect me, why the hell should I respect you.