Cindy Lu's amazing Four Man Plan!

[CM Vader]

I'd be happy with one date, nevermind four!

 

[Felix]

I'd be happy with one date, nevermind four!

Good, isn't it?

 

[CM Vader]

Haha, I wish I was a woman sometimes. TOO EASY for them.

 

[MissGuided]

This is a forum for lonely people. Sometimes people who are lonely have underlying issues, but this isn't a mental health forum.

+1000

 

[Sigma]

Aaaand there we go again.

I guess my daily routine isn't the only thing on an endless loop.

 

[MissGuided]

I guess not.

 

[ghbarnaby2]

Haha, I wish I was a woman sometimes. TOO EASY for them.

Is this sarcasm?

 

[mountainvista]

Haha, I wish I was a woman sometimes. TOO EASY for them.

Oh, bullshit. *eye roll*
JHC, no matter how long a break I take, when I come back here, it's always the same old crap on a loop. New members, maybe, but the same tired spiel.

 

[ardour]

I'm a woman, and I wouldn't appreciate hearing that from a guy I've started out seeing either. I don't think that people can give someone a decent chance if, the whole time, they've got one eye open for something better coming along. It's one of the most glaring problems with online dating. This illusion of plenty leads people to believe that if they just keep looking, they'll find THE PERFECT FIT.

I've got news for you: There is no such thing, That implies that there will be no effort involved in maintaining the relationship, and THAT, my friends, is the very worst attitude to take when embarking on the path to finding a relationship.

This x 100. Exceedingly well put.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

I actually think it's a pretty good way to hurt the other person, especially if they already care about you.

And what about guys who have been hurt before by other women? They'll feel like they're being deserted again. It's just a bad practice, but do whatever you want. Just be prepared to lose a lot of guys over that.

After two dates?

After two dates? Exactly!

If someone, especially a stranger who I just met on-line gets emotionally invested in me after only 2 dates, that's scary enough to send me running. I'm amazed how many people have such a possessive, sad or angry attitude towards a thread that isn't even about emotionally invested relationships but simply getting your feet wet in the world of dating. There are advantages to getting to know lots of people, keeping it light and fun and keeping your options open, not getting so quickly attached with a goal in mind to find the right person. And by being upfront about dating more than one guy at a time and not committing to anyone until I find the one person who I in my heart would truly want to commit to I am respecting my dates by not lying to them or misleading them in anyway. Additionally I am being fair to myself and by being fair to myself I am also fair to others. If a guy told me after 2 dates he would like to see me again and wanted to let me know that he is seeing other women and he was doing it for the same reason as me, not to be a player, but to explore his options until he finds the right one, I would appreciate his honesty and be supportive while doing the same thing for myself. And for this I get bashed??? I don't believe everyone has to date more than one person at a time. I just don't think there is anything wrong with it. My gosh, Hanging out with people, grabbing coffee, watching a movie, having dinner, talking, most innocent stuff I've ever heard of. And if someone expects committment and exclusivity after 1 or 2 dates, there is something scary about that person. In fact that kind of pressure, should never be put on anyone regardless of time. It takes 2 to mutually agree to be exclusive with each other and honesty and communication is NOT deception.

I started this thread just as an idea. I don't expect everyone to be comfortable with it, but don't treat it like evil. It's not. I think I'm done here.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Aaaand there we go again.

I guess my daily routine isn't the only thing on an endless loop.

Yeah, seems like the same type of attitude just makes threads go downward, no matter what the thread may consist of.

:club:

 

[ardour]

If someone, especially a stranger who I just met on-line gets emotionally invested in me after only 2 dates, that's scary enough to send me running. I'm amazed how many people have such a possessive, sad or angry attitude towards a thread that isn't even about emotionally invested relationships but simply getting your feet wet in the world of dating.

If you're on a date there's already a non-platonic interest being expressed and therefore some expectation/hope/emotional investment. It seems weird and superficial to be into that with more than one person... it reminds me of 'The Bachelor/Bachelorette'.

There are advantages to getting to know lots of people, keeping it light and fun and keeping your options open, not getting so quickly attached with a goal in mind to find the right person. And by being upfront about dating more than one guy at a time and not committing to anyone until I find the one person who I in my heart would truly want to commit to I am respecting my dates by not lying to them or misleading them in anyway.
here.

But..socializing and getting to know people can happen without bringing up the prospect of a relationship.

Additionally I am being fair to myself and by being fair to myself I am also fair to others. If a guy told me after 2 dates he would like to see me again and wanted to let me know that he is seeing other women and he was doing it for the same reason as me, not to be a player, but to explore his options until he finds the right one, I would appreciate his honesty and be supportive while doing the same thing for myself.

And what if you were really interested in him? Be honest here, you would probably be hurt.

 

[Lippy_Kid]

I think generally its just sensible to not commit emotionally too soon to something, I think the article is a bit contentious if its saying ideally you should have 4 on the go, I think its better to just deal with the situation you're in.

So if you're lucky enough to have met 2 people around the same time, there’s nothing wrong with spending time with both to see how you get along. All I'd say is be aware that the longer you take to decide the more likely you are are to hurt someone so be upfront about your feelings as best you can and don't string it out for any longer than you have to. You should really know after a couple of dates at most who you are drawn to and at that point you should probably let the other person know how they stand, and of course accepting that while you’re taking this approach you are just as likely to be the one who’s let go too. On the flip side if you're one of those guys and building you're hopes up too much too soon, that’s not the woman's fault. You might get let down but unfortunately that’s life.

What we're really talking about here is simple; an adult approach to dating where you see how things work out and don’t start daydreaming and expecting any sort of commitment from the first time you meet up. If it’s done with tact and consideration it’s the best way and will ultimately lead to making the right decision before things get serious and messy.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

It's an approach to dating here that a lot of people here have strong disagreements about but it doesn't mean I'm wrong for doing it. It's about getting to know people, keeping my options open, guys do it too, and I would be up front with the guys I'm dating, letting them know no later than the end of the second date, I'm seeing different people but I'm not sleeping around. Nothing wrong with it. With this approach if the guy wants an exclusive relationship with a girl he is interested he has to ask for it, if she digs him she stops seeing the other guys and only him, the plan is then dropped. If she doesn't want to see him exclusively and wants to keep her options open she has that right and is not guilty for it, as much as he would have the right to see other people too if the situation was reversed, he has to be true to himself too and keep his options open if she is not the girl he wants an exclusive relationship with. If he doesn't want an exclusive relationship but doesn't want her to see other men either, then he is being a hypocritical, jealous meathead.

The best thing about this approach is that open communication is required. How many people get into physical relationships, invest themselves emotionally and "assume" exclusivity or the boyfriend/girlfriend title and get hurt because they don't know where they stand.

Regardless of peoples disapproval here, I like the freedom of keeping options open, honest communication as well as following your heart. And I think any guy who has a problem with it is seriously overly possessive and insecure. You have to set people free to find love. And I won't let anyone here make me feel guilty about it. In fact the guys on here who are over-reacting to this are exactly the ones I would weed out if I was dating them. And to respond to the question "How would you feel if you were interested in someone who wants to keep his options open?" Well, I would respect the fact that he has the right to keep his options open and I would feel free to date other people. It's not his fault if I'm getting attached too quickly after he openly communicated his intent. It would be my problem and vice versa.

 

[ardour]

Regardless of peoples disapproval here, I like the freedom of keeping options open, honest communication as well as following your heart. And I think any guy who has a problem with it is seriously overly possessive and insecure. You have to set people free to find love. And I won't let anyone here make me feel guilty about it. In fact the guys on here who are over-reacting to this are exactly the ones I would weed out if I was dating them.

That's Not the nicest way to refer to those who disagree. I'd be suspicious that this woman might want to keep their options open further down the track (be unwilling to commit to monogamy generally)

 

[ghbarnaby2]

Regardless of peoples disapproval here, I like the freedom of keeping options open, honest communication as well as following your heart. And I think any guy who has a problem with it is seriously overly possessive and insecure. You have to set people free to find love. And I won't let anyone here make me feel guilty about it. In fact the guys on here who are over-reacting to this are exactly the ones I would weed out if I was dating them.

That's Not the nicest way to refer to those who disagree. I'd be suspicious that this woman might want to keep their options open further down the track (be unwilling to commit to monogamy generally)

Why not just be suspicious of ANYONE who keeps their options open further down the line? And really, if you do not have some sense of "what would my plan be in case they leave me," you may be deceiving yourself through naivete. And even on that note, why be suspicious in the FIRST place? That may taint your behavior and view of a person when that just may not be applicable to the situation.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Regardless of peoples disapproval here, I like the freedom of keeping options open, honest communication as well as following your heart. And I think any guy who has a problem with it is seriously overly possessive and insecure. You have to set people free to find love. And I won't let anyone here make me feel guilty about it. In fact the guys on here who are over-reacting to this are exactly the ones I would weed out if I was dating them.

That's Not the nicest way to refer to those who disagree. I'd be suspicious that this woman might want to keep their options open further down the track (be unwilling to commit to monogamy generally)

I have to agree, especially since you want to target just guys, there are women who have disagreed with you as well so lets not be biased against just one gender.

 

[Sterling]

^ I think how she worded it wasn't to target 'just guys'. She's probably straight, so she wouldn't say "I would weed out those women!"

Anyways,

When you're just dating, there is no form of commitment. You're free to see other people and whatnot until one party asks to be exclusive. If you want to date lots of different people instead of focusing your time on just one person...until you find "the one" you want to spend all your time on, that's fine. That's my two cents.

 

[Lippy_Kid]

There's no law enforcing monogamy anyway only morality, you're not obliged to do anything. As long as you're up front with people as to what to expect from you they can make their own choice and there's no problem, if you're lying or misleading prople obviously there's a problem. I think ultimately it doesn't take a fool to know what most peoples expectations are, if you're talking coffee dates with a few guys there's no commitment and no need to explain yourself, if you're jumping from bed to bed on a regular basis and not made it clear its just casual and you're seeing other people, you can dress it up how you want, you're messing people about.

General decency and common sense really, surely.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

^ I think how she worded it wasn't to target 'just guys'. She's probably straight, so she wouldn't say "I would weed out those women!"

Anyways,

When you're just dating, there is no form of commitment. You're free to see other people and whatnot until one party asks to be exclusive. If you want to date lots of different people instead of focusing your time on just one person...until you find "the one" you want to spend all your time on, that's fine. That's my two cents.

This is the point I was trying to make the whole time. The goal is to find the one person I will want to be exclusive with and that is the ultimate goal of the four man plan. I'm not anti-commitment. I'm only anti-commitment to those I do not want to commit to. I follow my heart, period. The reason I reacted so defensively is because I felt people here were not only so against it but trying to make me feel guilty about it too which I felt was inappropriate because I wouldn't be doing anything wrong or deceitful. The four man plan is not about hurting people, like some people have said here, it's an approach to dating that is empowering for women (lots of men date multiple women too, nothing wrong with it as long as they are honest) because it allows them to explore their options and get to know people without getting too attached or wifey on the wrong guy while putting honesty and communication into practice. Honesty is a very important part of the four man plan. I realize that I made an inappropriate comment on here and I apologize but it's because I felt I was being bashed for something that there is really nothing wrong with doing. Just because it's not for everybody does not mean it's wrong. Do I have to say a third time that I would not be sleeping around, just meeting people in public for innocent dates? That's the frustrating part and it seems I keep getting accused of being the type of woman who would toy with peoples hearts and emotions and that's not the case at all and that's not what this is about.