Hey, man! A kindred spirit. I know I should start my own intro thread, but meh...Your story is so close to mine it's scary. I just recently turned 43, I currently live alone in my grandpa's old house, but as soon as my folks can sell it I'll be back living with them. I've never had a girlfriend (never even kissed a girl or held a girl's hand), and I clean office buildings for a living (the only work I can do, since it lets me work alone and at night). You've at least got me beat in one area, you have 1 friend. I've had two friends in my life since being an "adult," but I eventually just stopped hanging out with them and ended up losing touch because I didn't feel worthy of their friendship. I'd love to get back in touch with them, but they've both gotten married and have families, and I'd feel like I was intruding in their lives and bringing them down. Plus I'd be too ashamed to face them after the way I treated them. I only go out to the store and such at night before or after work when there aren't many people out and about. I have some very obvious and embarrassing physical features that prevent me from feeling comfortable going out at any other time. In the past I've caught people pointing and snickering at me and have had a few people laugh to my face. I even had one woman take a pic of me with her cell phone (as she and her friends laughed) at dinner once back when I used to go to restaurants. I think my basic attitude toward most people nowadays can be voiced best by a few lines from a Front Line Assembly song:
To Hell with humanity
The more I see the less I believe
Inundated with this hate I feel
Echoing sounds of despondency
At least we both now know that we're not alone, for whatever that's worth.