Difficulty validating one's own needs, emotions, weaknesses

[MovingForward]

Does anyone else struggle with expressing any sort of attachment, or need for anything? Especially to other people? Frequently I want to speak up but it's like I'm incapable of uttering the words to anything that might put me in a position of emotional vulnerability. Even posting on an anonymous forum I've been at for less than a week that I could withdraw from and no one would know, I compulsively word everything so carefully that I sound like a robot who's afraid of being sued. Even this post has edited to the point that you are reading the 17th edition; which is still imperfect. The odd thing is that I rarely apply these standards to other people, but I still feel like I'll be publicly stoned for misplacing a comma. Tangents aside, why is it so difficult to admit that you like something, or that it's ok to feel hurt by something?

 

[stella]

i have massive problems in expressing any sort of attachment, or need for anything. esp with other people. it is the crux of my problem. i feel weak to admit i need another person or their validation in my life. i feel safer being alone as mad as that sounds.

 

[Minus]

I feel pretty much the same way though i don't know if it weakness or fear of the eventual rejection/denial that silences me.

 

[dead]

yeah, same here...
however... i found that breaking it by force actually works for me. so i'm... trying to say things, on purpose, that i am scared to say.
and so far... i find that i am glad i do.

i hope you will overcome this in the end...

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Beats the hell out of me what anyone else thinks. I'm not a mind reader.
Poeple probably have the wrong impression of me no matter what I say or do...so i might as will say what I wanna say. Do what I wanna do.
Its all good. We're all just humans. One one has all the answers.

Oki doki...the sugar coated version.....
Im a child of god. No more nor no less than the moons and stars. I have the right to be here. To live as I wish.
And I'm ok with that. I'm ok with me. I love me. I like me.
If other people don't like this nor agree with this...Oh fucken well !!!. It's not my problem.

 

[mintymint]

I get where you're coming from. When I starting using this forum, it was the first time I had ever used the internet as a tool for social interaction. The idea that I could use the internet to connect with other people had barely even occurred to me despite having been online since the mid 90s. It seemed that for me, the barrier for talking to people online was just as high as talking to them in real life. But I plunged into the forum and the chat room and I haven't regretted it.

That doesn't mean I lost all of my anxiety about talking to people. I'm often overly conscious of my posts, especially the serious ones. I'm afraid of looking stupid and being thought of as an idiot by saying something stupid or making frequent grammatical errors. I repeatedly preview the posts, read them over a few times... it's just behavior that's ingrained in me. Sometimes I go back to edit posts immediately after I make them, removing a word, adding another. Stuff that NO ONE except me would notice or care about. Then oftentimes somebody quotes me before I finish my edit, and it's blatantly obvious that a few inconsequential words have been inexplicably altered. So I go back and re-edit the post to conform with the original that was quoted. Perfectly normal behavior, right?

I also talk plenty in chat and make an ass out of myself. I'm in there almost every night these days. For some reason I seem to take well to that format. But one on one communication such as PMs still makes me anxious. I always think I'm being judged and being put under scrutiny. It usually leaves me nervous and ready to flee the interaction. The upside is that I've learned over time to just override all my irrational internal BS and to go with my first impulse, not my second guessing. I don't know if I will ever fully acclimate myself to social interaction, but I think I can get far enough to be happy with what I have After all, there's no denying that I'm an introvert by nature Call it immersion, or call it practice makes perfect. The more you do the better you get. And this site ain't a bad place to start *speaks from experience*

 

[edgecrusher]

yea i know what you mean. im the same way. i dont inititate conversation with people often. i am painfully shy though. i dont know why im like this but its so hard to break out of this shell.

 

[coricopat]

I have this problem too!

 

[nerdygirl]

Heck yea. I can flirt with anybody in the world... but get me to admit I genuinely have real feelings for somebody? Psh. Yea right!

 

[edgecrusher]

thats how i am too. i dont initiate anything with people anymore. probably because nobody has really stuck around in life so somewhere in my mind i dont want to do it anymore.

 

[Brian]

Around here I can say anything and feel fine, literally. Same around my friends...I pretty much speak my mind.

But around women ('Oh, Pete's sake, here goes Brian about his women problems again, I bet he has these posts all copied and ready to post...') it's totally different. Aside from being shy and afraid to ask anyone out, the few times I have been out with a girl I've just been totally afraid to try and advance things further. I just have this constant, ingrained notion that they're not interested in me like that; nobody is. I'd just get laughed at and told that they don't think of me that way.

One time I was out I tried to put my arm around my date. Yeah, that time I actually -did- get laughed at. Real great way to dispel my fears and self-doubts. See if I ever do that again...