Disabled Facebook Today

[solitudeinside]

Hello Case,

I strongly identify with your post and I sympathize with you. Having gone through a similar situation, I just want to share a few things I did that transformed the way I perceive and use Facebook and social media in general. You can use Facebook to your benefit to create positive change in your situation. I'd encourage you to hit your loneliness head-on with small, easy, proactive steps in the right direction. The choice is yours, but consider the following:

1. Create a new Facebook account, but don't add anyone except close family and friends that you care about--keep your friend-adding to a minimum.

2. Keep your old Facebook account active for 24-48 hours after creating the new account, and post something like this: "I'm deleting this account, but feel free to add me here: [link to new account].

3. After 24-48 hours completely delete your old account. In effect, you rid yourself of all fake and shallow "friends", and the ones who truely care will re-add you.

4. Lock down your new account and utilize the privacy features. I'm kind of a privacy nut, so my account is locked down pretty tightly (no one can post on my wall; I un-tag myself in all photos and friend's posts; I have nothing in my "About" section; my "Likes" are locked down to the bare minimum; etc.)

5. Post infrequently, and only post what is truely meaningful to you ("quality over quantity"). Filter your posts, and don't update the world on mundane details of your life. Also, be positive. Facebook has an abundance of those who share mostly what is going wrong in their lives in an attempt for attention or pity. Don't blend in with all the grumpy people.

6. Strive to eliminate your dependence on "Likes." As you stated, they're basically meaningless anyway. In the beginning, after making these changes for myself, very few people seemed to notice. But the positive feedback that began as a slow "trickle" is now a steady "stream".

7. Cultivate a little "mystery" around yourself. In my experience, people actually began to take notice of the positive changes I made. One person sent me a PM stating, "Sorry this is really random, but I just want to say that you have some of the best status updates ever. Kudos to you!" That PM was totally unsolicited, and I didn't even know that person very well! Don't broadcast everything, and people may begin to look at you differently--in a good way. If the people closest to you know nothing about you--and they truely care--they will begin to ask to find out who the "real you" is.

And I saved the best for last...

8. Spend very little time on social media sights like Facebook. Let the time you do spend online be productive. Be the person to take others out for coffee. The time you used to spend behind a heartless computer screen should be used for true, real, face-to-face friendships. Make friends, don't wait for friends. Reach out to other people who seem like they may be in your lonely situation...

In the last year, my social circle has gone from virtually non-existent, to about 4-6 good/close friends. Funny thing is, I'm the common denominator (all my friends know me, but not each other). Why? Because I was the one who made the initial friendly investment in each of them. Believe me, it has paid off big time. While 4-6 real friends may still seem like a very small social circle, it's a hell of a lot better than 1,000 fake Facebook "friends" or no one at all...

I really hope you find this encouraging and helpful! Best wishes going forward...

 

[Gutted]

I think I already said this. But you don't need Facebook to know who your real friends are. Real friends will have other means of contacting you.

 

[Pedestrian]

I killed my Facebook page years ago because time clicking around is just dead time. Your brain isn't resting and it isn't doing. I think people have to get their heads around this thing. All this unmitigated input is hurting folks.

 

[Case]

To solitudeinside, I think I'll be utilizing your advice if I decide to restart FB. Thanks for that.

There's so many comments I can make, so I'll just respond to what came to me after reading more messages.

I think most of us realize the "time-suck" that FB is, and that it can be a terrible use of our energy. I do acknowledge that some people are very happy with it, and that's great. I'm all about happiness where you can find it, and if FB is your thing, you get a big thumbs-up from me. At this point, it's not my thing, but that could change.

At this point, no one from my friends list has contacted me, and I'm accepting that. It also might be that most of them don't have any other way of contacting me, which is part of my problem. I don't seem to have the skill-set to expand a friendship beyond what I'm comfortable with. Facebook was/is my only social sponge and now that I'm off it (for now,) I have droplets from that sponge left.

In a way, I am seeing this as a social cleansing, if that makes sense. Let the fair-weather friends fall by the wayside and keep the ones that matter most.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I use it to run my work lottery syndicate. Easy way to inform people if we have won etc. I post my photo's on there. I don't involve myself in all the honeysuckle and showing off that others do. I have 26 friends. Don't get many friend requests.

---

Hi I am new here but can relate to your post, I struggle with lack of friends and have no family to support me so things like public holidays are a big struggle and every year is the same. I had awful difficulties dealing with Facebook and would get really down when seeing pictures of people having fun at parties etc, but you have to think to yourself why do they put those pictures on facebook in the first place is it to prove to themselves that they are having fun or is it to show everyone else what a great life they have why do they feel the need to do this. I got sick of it in the end and sick of the endless people revealing their daily life and what they were doing minute by minute it can be worse than face to face chit chat ( which im not good at) so in the end i closed down my original facebook and opened up a new one and only added people which were an inspiration and people that I could follow who were also interested in the things I was into for example I have taken up cycling so I started adding people who liked world cycling and have I find I have things in common and have people on my Facebook from all over the world, even though i may never meet these people, I follow their journeys and am inspired by the lives they lead and hope to do my own bike tour one day. I use Facebook as a tool rather than an everyday diary for things which really no one is interested in only the person who is writing it. I still have people I know on there but I tend to hide what they write just so I do not have to read there fake world and I do not offend them by them thinking that i deleted them from my page. I have no true friends but Facebook can be used as a tool for a hobby or interest you may have, It has worked well for me and was the best thing I did was deleting my old facebook account. I'm always up for making new friends so if you wish to add me when your back on facebook then private message me and i'll add you. Open up a new facebook and only add people who you feel you want to chat to people who are interesting positive and inspiring.

I think your doing the right thing. I delete anybody who annoys me on facebook. That's why I have so few friends on there.

 

[Solivagant]

2. Keep your old Facebook account active for 24-48 hours after creating the new account, and post something like this: "I'm deleting this account, but feel free to add me here: [link to new account].

3. After 24-48 hours completely delete your old account. In effect, you rid yourself of all fake and shallow "friends", and the ones who truely care will re-add you.

^ I don't know if that would necessarily be the best way to weed out fake friends. If anyone on your friends list has more than a few people on their friends lists, then your post is likely to get buried among all the others that show up in their newsfeed. Some people who do care may never see it, and some who are fake may see it and ask to be added to your new account anyway (whether out of curiosity, or to increase their friend count, or just because people generally don't like to feel rejected or excluded even if they don't really care about a person).

 

[Midnight Sky]

I'd be happier with FB if people that post at NFL.com through FB were more civilized.

 

[TheWalkingDead]

I killed my Facebook page years ago because time clicking around is just dead time. Your brain isn't resting and it isn't doing. I think people have to get their heads around this thing. All this unmitigated input is hurting folks.

It has a very strange influence, for a time I was following some spiritual people who follow a path of losing the ego etc, and yet I started to notice their posts were "me me me me". The last straw was when I listened to a talk about how people need to stop boosting their egos by posting constant pics of themselves and how a relationship wasn't the answer to life's problems. I checked out their Facebook page and they had about 5000 pictures of them and their girlfriend on it :club:

I've not deactivated my account, but have just set it up on my phone so I get a notification if someone close or an event I need info about is updated.

Otherwise I've not been on for about 10 days, after using it quite a lot before that. It certainly wasn't a productive use of my time, I not only started to resent what people were posting, I also started to question my own behaviour, and found I was always at one of those 2 extremes of either posting to brag about something great in my life, or posting when I was feeling rubbish to try to get some sympathy. It sucks you in to that.

I feel much more peaceful and time rich since I stopped going on there first thing every day, starting to miss it less and less.

I guess when I am on my deathbed, I am not going to look back and wish I had spent more time on Facebook (or whatever will replace it in 5-10 years)

I don't think it is bad for everybody, but I think like alcohol, it's something a lot of people find almost impossible to do in moderation because it kind of sucks you in.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I feel like it sometimes, it is a place to show off. People posting photo's showing how good looking they are and how great their life is

 

[TheWalkingDead]

I feel like it sometimes, it is a place to show off. People posting photo's showing how good looking they are and how great their life is

The people who got engaged then just started posting so they could use the phrase "my fiancee" as much as possible, my fiancee this and my fiancee that, just made me want to :club:

 

[Triple Bogey]

I feel like it sometimes, it is a place to show off. People posting photo's showing how good looking they are and how great their life is

The people who got engaged then just started posting so they could use the phrase "my fiancee" as much as possible, my fiancee this and my fiancee that, just made me want to :club:

I see all sorts of crap. Makes me sick.

 

[Midnight Sky]

Makes you think marriage is losing its value when people do it just to show off.

 

[Triple Bogey]

2 years ago on xmas day, 2 of my facebook friends got engaged. I only have about 20 friends. A few days earlier I had found out my lady friend was seeing some other fella and had lied to me about what country she was in.

I think Christmas day is a day to avoid facebook

 

[TheWalkingDead]

The problem is, to quote whoever it was, we don't read Facebook posts as they are, we see them as we are!

My friend's partner has no money worries whatsoever, he has a massive house and a huge income, and close to a big fat retirement, but underneath it all he is totally insecure and anxious about earning enough money, so he works frantically to try to avoid that pain despite having all the apparent trappings. He can't sleep over feeling there isn't enough money...

Nothing to do with Facebook, but I think that's the sort of thing that becomes apparent on Facebook! People not only trying to convince themselves, but also others, that they are worthy and good enough!

 

[ImmortalDragon76]

I have 19 friends, all who are family that I chose to select. I am second guessing most because they are highly religious as I am not. It makes me sick to my stomach every time somebody posts a religious saying or picture. I do the same with my atheist and zeitgeists sites. FB is mostly to keep up with what is going on with the pages that I follow. I cannot relate to a family that I have been away from since I was 17 years old. It is annoying at times. I try to get my mother or brother to come see me for once and it is always some excuse. I hardly call them and I do not miss not having the contact. I grew up being rather independent anyways. I wouldn't disregard FB all together. Find other means for its use. Look outside the circles of friends of the past and family. Think outside the box for human companionship.

 

[GrannySmith111]

Those pictures you see on social media sites never reveal the whole story. They capture like a millisecond of "happiness" where everyone is smiling.

The people in those pictures might not be as happy as they seem in reality.

 

[solitudeinside]

To solitudeinside, I think I'll be utilizing your advice if I decide to restart FB. Thanks for that.

My pleasure! Best of luck.

---

2. Keep your old Facebook account active for 24-48 hours after creating the new account, and post something like this: "I'm deleting this account, but feel free to add me here: [link to new account].

3. After 24-48 hours completely delete your old account. In effect, you rid yourself of all fake and shallow "friends", and the ones who truely care will re-add you.

^ I don't know if that would necessarily be the best way to weed out fake friends. If anyone on your friends list has more than a few people on their friends lists, then your post is likely to get buried among all the others that show up in their newsfeed. Some people who do care may never see it, and some who are fake may see it and ask to be added to your new account anyway (whether out of curiosity, or to increase their friend count, or just because people generally don't like to feel rejected or excluded even if they don't really care about a person).

Your point is valid. I just shared what I did with the hope of helping Case. What worked for me may not work for others...

 

[MrE1986]

Facebook frustrates me as it is a place for people to shout "MEMEMEMEME LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT HOW AMAZING I AM AND HOW GOOD I HAVE IT, MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME" Unfortunately i do require one as im a member of several groups on facebook relating to keeping fish, i give advice and help people out who need help.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Facebook frustrates me as it is a place for people to shout "MEMEMEMEME LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT HOW AMAZING I AM AND HOW GOOD I HAVE IT, MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME" Unfortunately i do require one as im a member of several groups on facebook relating to keeping fish, i give advice and help people out who need help.

Lol yeah.. that's why I disable some of the feeds from certain people who do that. I think Facebook can be useful if used in positive ways.

 

[MrE1986]

Lol yeah.. that's why I disable some of the feeds from certain people who do that. I think Facebook can be useful if used in positive ways.

It's an amazing information tool when used correctly, but the problem is most people use it to fish pout