Do girls really, deep down, want guys to approach them?

[Batman55]

Hey, good luck with that! Seriously, you're going to need it! But if you want women to approach what you should do is pretend you know them already. Give them a funny look(ie squint with one eye) and point you're finger at them in a knowing way. Don't tell them you know them though just act that way. Also, smile a lot but not a big toothy grin. Lastly, dress really nice. I mean really nice and wear necklaces and things like that. So now if you do everything I say one out of 100,000 women who sees you might approach you. Hey it might even be one out of ten thousand.

I'm not sure if some of this is sarcastic or you actually believe it, these things can be tough to read on the Net.

But let's say you were serious. This approach is just not going to happen for some of us. If I took it literally, imagine if suddenly I just started wearing necklaces, form fitting shirts with no sleeves, short black athletic socks for the summer, expensive Nikes and so on. I would be the laughing stock of the town. It's just not in my DNA to look like that.

On the other hand, if I dressed in a more upscale preppy way with expensive corduroys, Ralph Lauren shirts, shiny black shoes.. that is not me either. I don't belong to any "group" and to act and dress otherwise is fooling myself but not fooling others. If I have to go to my grave saying that, I will do so.

It makes it even more depressing for me to read that you think even a guy who is well dressed and has "swagger" or whatever will find it extremely rare to be approached.

If I took your words on a literal level and believed it, I should be saying to myself right now, "just forget about women, it's not gonna happen." But I've also heard that you should not start believing that you can't do something (especially when it's a relationship, which at least 99% of people have experienced at some point) because that's self-limiting and ruinous. So where does that leave me then? In limbo somewhere, not sure of what to do or what to believe, and the result is more inaction.

I suppose I did not mention the actual point here about approaching women by myself: my short response to that is it's realistic for me to expect negative outcomes when you're super-awkward like me. That could only damage my self-worth even more.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I've often wondered if girls honestly, deep down, want a stranger to approach and talk to them

No. We want you to ogle us from afar. lol

Unless you're acting in a manner that most would consider frightening or inappropriate, Im always open to conversations with strangers.
I made some wonderful (if only temporary) friends in the UK this way. The cook (and the staff) at the hotel in Inverness, the train staff on the ride from London to Inverness and the awesome (funny) tour bus driver who took us to Stonehenge (a London Boy he called himself). I'll never see those people again, but the memories will always be something I'll recall with fondness.

Strike up a convo with anyone! The worst that can happen is they don't want to talk for whatever reason.

 

[Mike413]

[I'm not sure if some of this is sarcastic or you actually believe it, these things can be tough to read on the Net.]

Although I can definitely be sarcastic this time I was actually trying to help the guy. I have read that if you sort of act like you know someone they will play along but it depends on how you do it.

I haven't actually tried it yet but next time a woman smiles at me I'm going to pretend I already know her. If she says something I'll just say well you smiled at me so I thought you knew me.

---

[But let's say you were serious. This approach is just not going to happen for some of us. If I took it literally, imagine if suddenly I just started wearing necklaces, form fitting shirts with no sleeves, short black athletic socks for the summer, expensive Nikes and so on. I would be the laughing stock of the town. It's just not in my DNA to look like that.

On the other hand, if I dressed in a more upscale preppy way with expensive corduroys, Ralph Lauren shirts, shiny black shoes.. that is not me either. I don't belong to any "group" and to act and dress otherwise is fooling myself but not fooling others. If I have to go to my grave saying that, I will do so.]


Sorry, I'm not buying it. You are just making excuses for yourself not to look good when you go out. Listen, anyone can dress up and look good. It's true that you do have to find something that fits your style and personality though. However, what you wear(and how you act) is up to you and you a lone. Even if you don't feel comfortable at first eventually you will gain confidence and eventually you will own it. The more people see you dressing a certain way the more they will get used to it. It takes time. Sure it may feel awkward at first but eventually you will get more comfortable wearing what you want.

Simply put if who you are at the moment isn't working why stay with it? The definition of crazy is always doing the same thing and expecting different results. If you want to see changes in your life you first have to be that change. You can't expect anything different or even "magical" to happen until you make some changes first.


[If I took your words on a literal level and believed it, I should be saying to myself right now, "just forget about women, it's not gonna happen." ]

Why? Even if it is as rare as I say it is why is that any reason to forget about women? Why can't you just get some courage and go approach women? They aren't going to bite you I promise!

 

[Batman55]

Simply put if who you are at the moment isn't working why stay with it? The definition of crazy is always doing the same thing and expecting different results. If you want to see changes in your life you first have to be that change. You can't expect anything different or even "magical" to happen until you make some changes first.

If I interpret it correctly, sometimes my "dress code" works in the spring and summer when I'm out with athletic shorts and white t-shirts that say something on the front. I'd say so because that's when more women will say hello or smile or whatever. (On the flip side, they could just be saying hi because the weather is nice and it's a more sociable time of year.)

In fall and winter with long clothing, I get virtually no attention. I suppose my preference for comfortable pants does not help, because I'm too bloody thin.

About the definition of crazy, well seeing that definition is a bit aggravating as I've got a strong preference for routine and changes that would be simple for many are brutal for me. I'd ascribe it to mild Asperger, but if you don't believe in such things, then it's just my personality.

Why? Even if it is as rare as I say it is why is that any reason to forget about women? Why can't you just get some courage and go approach women? They aren't going to bite you I promise!

I think some guy in this thread, or another thread in these parts, said he's had a few women "laugh in his face" when approaching. That to me looks like a "bite," in a manner of speaking. These things hurt, and I worry about the effect that would have on my self-worth.

 

[ardour]

Unless you're acting in a manner that most would consider frightening or inappropriate, Im always open to conversations with strangers.
I made some wonderful (if only temporary) friends in the UK this way. The cook (and the staff) at the hotel in Inverness, the train staff on the ride from London to Inverness and the awesome (funny) tour bus driver who took us to Stonehenge (a London Boy he called himself). I'll never see those people again, but the memories will always be something I'll recall with fondness.

Strike up a convo with anyone! The worst that can happen is they don't want to talk for whatever reason.

If only everyone were that relaxed. Fear and loathing of unwanted attention is a major feature in the minds of...people. I'd say it ranks as one the THE primary fears of...people... People who would likely be thinking "eww, what does he waaant" at being approached out of nowhere.

From the outside at least in seems that in Europe (not including UK..) men and women relate to each other more easily and approaching strangers more socially acceptable.

..

Besides, those were people who were having shared experiences with (travel etc.)

That's why taking up an interest and joining clubs is a step in the right direction.

 

[Mike413]

They won't approach you. Get over it. Yeah it could happen but it's very rare and you can't rely on it. Even super handsome men and celebrities don't get approached. It's not in women's dna to approach men. Just suck it up and go for it.

So very wrong . They are wired that way , they are hyper competitive. All you need is two , a solo female has little to compete against.
You think men can be competing over a game ? Watch women competing over a weeding dress sale.

I don't approach women as I am intimidating , even in an Armani suit. When I was in school I always had relationships because I star athlete (all state in two sports) , didn't change while playing college football , and both of these paled in comparison to when I got back from service , there is something about dress blues (my best guess is magical fabric). Now that all that is in the past , no I don't get approached ever ,or at least that I notice (I do have a problem actually seeing people in general)

Oh and how many celebrities do you actually know or ,go out and about with ? Rock star beat them off with a stick , Professional athletes are stalked , The film industry stars might have it differently but that's because the girls have to fight through the paparazzi first (/S).

Women have no problem approaching what they deem a victorious catch (one that they know others are also coveting). There is also that thing that they don't actually have to interact the same as Men typically are expected to on the approach. They can just rub up against us and get things started whereas we need to make sure we get everything right the first time (unfortunately that everything is different for each girl).



Then again don't take anything I say as 100% serious , as it relates to my life and not yours , just don't make generalizations as those pertain to everyones lives.

I'm wrong and then you go on to agree with me? Too funny.

Anyway, I wasn't referring to competitive sports. I've heard both men and women say that as men we are hardwired to be hunters. It goes back to the cave man days while women, being less agressive, stay at home to watch the kids. Women just aren't programmed to pursue men. Competitiveness is something different. Context. Context. Context.

Anyway, I have heard stories about celebrities and how it's not like you think. I've also heard stories about rock stars who couldn't get laid to save their lives(even those who were approached). You can't believe everything you hear. That said I do agree there are certain times when women do approach men but as a man you certainly can't rely on it.

---

Simply put if who you are at the moment isn't working why stay with it? The definition of crazy is always doing the same thing and expecting different results. If you want to see changes in your life you first have to be that change. You can't expect anything different or even "magical" to happen until you make some changes first.

If I interpret it correctly, sometimes my "dress code" works in the spring and summer when I'm out with athletic shorts and white t-shirts that say something on the front. I'd say so because that's when more women will say hello or smile or whatever. (On the flip side, they could just be saying hi because the weather is nice and it's a more sociable time of year.)

In fall and winter with long clothing, I get virtually no attention. I suppose my preference for comfortable pants does not help, because I'm too bloody thin.

About the definition of crazy, well seeing that definition is a bit aggravating as I've got a strong preference for routine and changes that would be simple for many are brutal for me. I'd ascribe it to mild Asperger, but if you don't believe in such things, then it's just my personality.

Why? Even if it is as rare as I say it is why is that any reason to forget about women? Why can't you just get some courage and go approach women? They aren't going to bite you I promise!

I think some guy in this thread, or another thread in these parts, said he's had a few women "laugh in his face" when approaching. That to me looks like a "bite," in a manner of speaking. These things hurt, and I worry about the effect that would have on my self-worth.

Well I guess you'll just die a lonely virgin then. I really don't know what to tell you at this point dude. I tried. I really tried.

You really need to get over it though if you want any real success with women. Tough love. I know.

As for the laughing thing. Well what would you do if a guy punched you in the arm? Would you say ow and run away and just be miserable for the rest of your life because some guy punched you in the arm? I hope not. You'd probably punch him back or at the very least ask him why he did that. Same thing with women. You can just laugh back at them or ask them why they did that. Once you find out the reason for their behavior you can do what you need to do and change yourself to hopefully make sure it doesn't happen again. Life is a cruel place but only if you think of it that way. Otherwise it's just your playground where sometimes you have to fight back and put the bullies in their place.

Aspergers shmashbergers. Go join an Asberger's group or find an online singles site for people with disabilities. I've been told by my brother who is a special ed teacher who specializes in Autism that I have aspergers. It's still a bunch of bullshit to me. I'm not saying there aren't people who have it(including you) I just don't believe that's the case with me. Listen, we control our own reality. You can buy into the garbage that other people say about you or you can move on with your own life and not take everything so ******* seriously.

 

[Batman55]

First drink is on me, buddy.

 

[Mike413]

Fine. Does this mean we are going to a bar to pick up chicks then? The first step is to get out of the house.

 

[juen]

It really depends on the female. Personally, I usually don't mind people coming up to me and giving compliments, or wanting to have a chat... however, if I give them clear signs (or even say it straight out) that I am not interested, then they are supposed to respect that and leave me alone (same if I walk up to someone and they don't want me around). Luckily, I've mostly been hit on by polite men, so I haven't been bothered. Honestly though, I find men who hit on people only to get laid and not getting to know them are kind of discusting.

 

[mountainvista]

I like when a man approaches me providing that he passes the first test: Is there something about him that attracts me?

Now wait a minute, don't flip out on me and assume that means I'll only be receptive to pretty boys. That superficial level of attraction includes a personality component. If he has an engaging, for me that usually means funny, personality that I find attractive, then I'm good.

If I'm not attracted in some way, then no, I do not want to be approached.
If I'm already involved with someone, then no, I do not want to be approached; this is especially true if I am already there on a date with someone. GTFO with that. That is the behavior of an arrogant ******.
If I'm at a bar with friends, and some guy comes lurching over to me in a drunken haze, then no, I am not going to be receptive to it.
If it's obvious that the guy is just trolling for tail, then no, I am not going to be receptive to it.

Remember, approaching is just the first step. The way you act, the things you say after you've made contact can end things immediately. This goes both ways. That smoking hot chick may no longer seem like such a prize the minute she opens her mouth. Likewise, that guy I find attractive who came over to say hi might turn out to be an arrogant ****** or an emotionally manipulative psychotic *******.

But happy hunting!

 

[Mike413]

[If I'm not attracted in some way, then no, I do not want to be approached.]

Well if it's not just looks for you(like you stated)then how do you know if you want to be approached if he hasn't said anything before he approaches you(and I don't see how it's possible unless he has your cell phone number or something ).

---

[Remember, approaching is just the first step. The way you act, the things you say after you've made contact can end things immediately. This goes both ways. That smoking hot chick may no longer seem like such a prize the minute she opens her mouth. Likewise, that guy I find attractive who came over to say hi might turn out to be an arrogant ****** or an emotionally manipulative psychotic *******.

But happy hunting! ]


One thing I've learned over the past few years and one thing that most men don't seem to get is that men can actually do pretty much the same thing(regardless of who's approaching). Most men just get all excited by the woman without knowing what they are like. They are going only by appearances. Men can qualify women just like women can qualify men. The thing is most guys do this just by what they see before they approach her. Where as with women it's both. If a woman isn't fun, friendly and have a good personality I personally don't want to waste my time. In my experience, however, most women like that are taken. Not many guys want a bitchy cold woman and that's why a lot of them are a lone.

 

[Batman55]

Fine. Does this mean we are going to a bar to pick up chicks then? The first step is to get out of the house.

West Chester bar scene? Phoenixville? Bryn Mawr?

Which scene has fewer arrogant jerks around... enough of those in a room, and it's like I'm not even there.

 

[ardour]

If I'm not attracted in some way, then no, I do not want to be approached.

So he's supposed to read your mind? The way that's put implies the attraction is established before the approach, so that does sound like it's mainly about appearance.

 

[Peaches]

hey guys, chicks are people too, you give it a try in a nice, funny way and if she's not interested nothing is lost - if she gets pissed when you were all nice and non-offensive and non-pushy and she makes fun of you or laugh to her face, you walk away knowing that you are a better person (than her) because a good person will not laugh at you, if you make a move nicely, and also you are a better person in general because you are positive, you made a move, you initiated a possibly great relationship, kudos to that, you should deserve a round of applause from the whole bar. It takes so much guts to go and offer yourself to someone, mind this detail, "offering yourself to someone" and NOT "wanting to get some". I think this attitude makes the whole difference. There is nothing more powerful than such an offer made with some self assurance, or at least this is something to think about. It's like "I have all these great qualities, here they are for you" (if you don't think you have a couple of great qualities, go get some now please) it's like a gift, everybody likes gifts.

A few girls do go to bars for "guys" to approach them, aka: any guys, but most won't mind to engage in conversation with some selected beings

attention is always flattering, it's human

Just maybe double test with some women you know that your pickup style is actually non-offensive, some guys honestly think that:
"Excuse me, do bras come in size perfect? Because I'd buy that for you. Seriously, what's your cup size?" is a really nice way of approaching a stranger.

And if they say they are not interested, then give it up, but there is no harm in giving it a try once. If she turns red and looks away but checks you out when you are looking away, she may be just shy.

It's not just about appearance, it's how you put yourself out there (posture, unflinching self assurance) that's how jerks get the girls, only they often lose their prey after 5 minutes because it's clear that their wit goes together with despise for women.

have you read the book "Guerrilla Dating"? It has 6 chapters of pickup strategies (the best ones don't have a line), really cool ones, for all sexes

ok, now I gave dating advice, I am all fulfilled, hope that didn't offend anyone

---

......because I think this thread is hilarious.[video=youtube]

this is hilarious and scary at the same time

 

[ardour]

Peaches, how many times did you reference offensive or sexually aggressive behaviour in that post? See this is part of the problem, you smear men with the boorish pig stereotype yet still expect them to do the majority of the initiating.

Women are so geared up to assume the worst that the only guys willing to approach are those who don't give a crap. The kind looking for action and don't care whether then offend a few hundred women in the process. Maybe that explains the prevalence of some of this behaviour. Genuine men just don't want to deal with all that negativity, so you get the others.

 

[Mike413]

Fine. Does this mean we are going to a bar to pick up chicks then? The first step is to get out of the house.

West Chester bar scene? Phoenixville? Bryn Mawr?

Which scene has fewer arrogant jerks around... enough of those in a room, and it's like I'm not even there.

Yeah but hopefully you're not there for them. You are there to talk to the women. Just ignore the douchebags.

 

[Batman55]

Yeah but hopefully you're not there for them. You are there to talk to the women. Just ignore the douchebags.

Would it help anything if I went into the bar wearing "cat ears" on the top of my head?

What about pink shoes? Good or bad?

---

Peaches, how many times did you reference offensive or sexually aggressive behaviour in that post? See this is part of the problem, you smear men with the boorish pig stereotype yet still expect them to do the majority of the initiating.

I agree, it's time to turn the tables!

Come up to us more often, we also like attention (so long as you're not just fooling around or playing us for laughs.)

 

[EveWasFramed]

Women are so geared up to assume the worst that the only guys willing to approach are those who don't give a crap.

you smear men with the boorish pig stereotype ....

And isn't that what YOU just did? Smear women with a boorish stereotype?
"Women" you said....that refers to all women. Yup...sounds like you did your own bit of stereotyping there.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Not sure if I posted anything about this: but I don't mind if men were to approach me. But I'm also the type of girl who likes to approach guys too. You never see that much, it's usually woman waiting for men to approach them. Why not have a woman approach a guy once in awhile. If I'm really interested I'll approach them right off the bat. But if I feel like I have no chance I usually study them from a far away distance until I have the courage to do so.

 

[Midnight Sky]

Not sure if I posted anything about this: but I don't mind if men were to approach me. But I'm also the type of girl who likes to approach guys too. You never see that much, it's usually woman waiting for men to approach them. Why not have a woman approach a guy once in awhile. If I'm really interested I'll approach them right off the bat. But if I feel like I have no chance I usually study them from a far away distance until I have the courage to do so.

Please come to Georgia.

Seriously though, I like the way you think, especially the last line(that's all me right there..though the act of studying tends to lead to "No chance at all" thoughts with no use mustering up courage)