Do they get easier?

[Enchanted Girl]

I am wondering . . . . from people who have more experience than me, do break-ups get easier after the first one? Because I'm on my second serious relationship right now and when the first one ended . . . . . I was extremely unstable and I'm hoping this time around if it ends, that I'll be stronger and better able to handle it than last time.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I think in order for things to get easier, your Significant Other needs to not be your Alpha and Omega. You muse carefully preserve your separate identity from them, if you do not do so, and wrap yourself up in them, when they leave, they'll take a piece of you with them and you won't be able to cope.

Just my opinion.

 

[VanillaCreme]

If you really love them, no.

 

[Enchanted Girl]

I think in order for things to get easier, your Significant Other needs to not be your Alpha and Omega. You muse carefully preserve your separate identity from them, if you do not do so, and wrap yourself up in them, when they leave, they'll take a piece of you with them and you won't be able to cope.

Just my opinion.

I'm trying really hard. The last time, I made my ex my whole world, but I'm working harder on my education and working and keeping my hobbies this time around, but the problem is, I'm on this forum because I struggle to have friends and it seems like my boyfriends always become the majority of my social life. I've been giving out my number to people I want to hang out with (they don't return the favor) and begging my one friend to hang out with me that I live with, but she is too busy with her boyfriend. So it's hard not to make him my whole world when, besides my parents, he's the one other person I really talk to. >=( It's so frustrating and I am definitely scared I'm setting myself up for the same kind of pain again.

Maybe people don't want to be my friend because I act too desperate to be their friends. I don't know. Or maybe because I'm not a crazy party animal. I drink, but I don't really get drunk or act insane and spontaneous during parties, so yea. D= Not that I am invited to any. If I go to one it's because my boyfriend was invited to one and brings me along.

 

[kamya]

I'm not super experienced but I'm going to go out on a limb and say no they don't get easier.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I think in order for things to get easier, your Significant Other needs to not be your Alpha and Omega. You muse carefully preserve your separate identity from them, if you do not do so, and wrap yourself up in them, when they leave, they'll take a piece of you with them and you won't be able to cope.

Just my opinion.

I'm trying really hard. The last time, I made my ex my whole world, but I'm working harder on my education and working and keeping my hobbies this time around, but the problem is, I'm on this forum because I struggle to have friends and it seems like my boyfriends always become the majority of my social life. I've been giving out my number to people I want to hang out with (they don't return the favor) and begging my one friend to hang out with me that I live with, but she is too busy with her boyfriend. So it's hard not to make him my whole world when, besides my parents, he's the one other person I really talk to. >=( It's so frustrating and I am definitely scared I'm setting myself up for the same kind of pain again.

Maybe people don't want to be my friend because I act too desperate to be their friends. I don't know. Or maybe because I'm not a crazy party animal. I drink, but I don't really get drunk or act insane and spontaneous during parties, so yea. D= Not that I am invited to any. If I go to one it's because my boyfriend was invited to one and brings me along.

Just have to keep trying to make contact with other people, and then keep those contacts. IT's something I've been trying to do.

I also have developed an innate indifference to all the people I come in contact with. It's kind of weird. It prevents me from feeling too dissapointed when someone turns me down, because I just tell myself there are more where that came from and then start the process all over again.

Sorry if that sounds weird. It just keeps me from feeling like any one person is irreplaceable.

P.S. Please note that the bottom quote in my signature refers to this feeling of indifference I have towards people.

 

[Appleseed761]

I think in order for things to get easier, your Significant Other needs to not be your Alpha and Omega. You muse carefully preserve your separate identity from them, if you do not do so, and wrap yourself up in them, when they leave, they'll take a piece of you with them and you won't be able to cope.

Just my opinion.

I soo agree with you!

It is so hard not to get wrapped up- especially if you love the other person and you want to do everything to please them. But this is true and I wish someone had told me this at the start of my last relationship started.

Good advice...

 

[Badjedidude]

If breakups get easier, then you're becoming a cold *****. If you truly care about the person you're dating, then there will always be some sting when it's broken apart (for whatever reason).

 

[Enchanted Girl]

If breakups get easier, then you're becoming a cold *****. If you truly care about the person you're dating, then there will always be some sting when it's broken apart (for whatever reason).

Well, I don't expect to feel nothing and don't want to because I don't want to be cold hearted, but I'm scared of being extremely emotionally unstable as well. >_< That's what happened last time.

 

[SkuzzieMuff]

It would depend on the relationship. You might act differently toward one person than you would another and depending on the situation, it might be easier or more difficult. You wont know until you get there.

 

[Limlim]

Mmm, for me the only one that really tore me up was the first break up. Every relationship after that I was fine about a half hour afterward.

By the same token, I get along just fine with all of my ex girlfriends now *except* that very first one. Weird!

 

[SophiaGrace]

If breakups get easier, then you're becoming a cold *****. If you truly care about the person you're dating, then there will always be some sting when it's broken apart (for whatever reason).

Well, I don't expect to feel nothing and don't want to because I don't want to be cold hearted, but I'm scared of being extremely emotionally unstable as well. >_< That's what happened last time.

Well yeah, I mean, I think it's okay to care, just, you can't lose your identity to the person is all.

I don't want you to be indifferent like I am. I don't like feeling this way, it makes me feel cold and unloving. I do however want you to be able to function and move on after a relationship without self-destructing.

I think that's a reasonable goal for you.

 

[Sci-Fi]

If you really love them, no.

QFT

Simple and best answer.

Unless you become emotionally numb break ups are never easy. I worry about those who it is easy for.

 

[Callie]

If you really love them, no.

QFT

Simple and best answer.

Unless you become emotionally numb break ups are never easy. I worry about those who it is easy for.

I agree with these two

 

[A Desolate Soul]

it really all depends on how attached you are. if you're super attached to him, you can bet your ass it's going to hurt if he leaves. however, that doesn't mean you won't move on. just remember, nothing lasts forever and everything is subject to change.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Hard to say really, I think that if your are confident in your ability to get a mate then you are hurt less. Because that person shares your life and is not your life.

 

[jales]

For me: Yes they got much easier.

I don't think I am cold, or numb or not in love. In fact I love my current partner more than I have ever loved another human being. But break-ups got much easier for me after breaking up. I think it may differ for each person but I imagined that after a few break ups you wont get hurt the same way. You learn more about yourself, you know how strong you are, you know that is it not the end of the world, you know that you will be fine. All of this can really help, when you know yourself and you know that you can handle the situation (because you have several times in the past), I think it becomes easier to handle.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Hard to say really, I think that if your are confident in your ability to get a mate then you are hurt less.

Yep! Great post.

 

[markcomo]

You are right but people are very practical in now a days, they dont care about any one and i hope you are now able to face this type of situation. So kkep it up and all the best for your future life.

 

[lonely_visionary]

I think in order for things to get easier, your Significant Other needs to not be your Alpha and Omega.

I'm trying really hard. The last time, I made my ex my whole world, but I'm working harder on my education and working and keeping my hobbies this time around, but the problem is, I'm on this forum because I struggle to have friends and it seems like my boyfriends always become the majority of my social life.

This drives me crazy! Some of us here would kill for a girlfriend like that, but all we find is arms-length types. The idea of two-become-one and lifelong commitment and complete devotion is out of fashion, it's called "needy" and scorned. But that was always the romantic ideal, and until recently it was the legal basis of marriage. Yes, the possibility of divorce is necessary because a bad marriage can be worse than death, but the ideal is still the ideal, and most people seem to have given up.

Enchanted Girl, if your life is hard it's only because you are the only sane one in a mad world.