I've asked myself this question recently...and unfortunately the answer is "Yes."
OK we need somebody to love as a motivation for living. A parent, (for example) finds a new level of determination to continue an awful job, in order to pay his child's school fees. A reason not to quit.
I've become accustomed to getting into conflict with people, the last 4 or 5 years...whether it be as an unsatisfied customer or with an abrasive, bossy colleague at work, even with family members. I used to just put up with it. Now I stand up for myself. Maybe too much eh. Seems like I've got my radar on all the time now, looking for potential threats.
But over-vigilance I fear.Can't relax. Always suspicious of others intentions. Now , if I've had a break from conflict, I almost miss it. Have renewed energy. Am always learning new strategies in order to "win". The person I perceive as the new enemy, the new nemeisis, will preoccupy my mind. It will stimulate my brain. How can I win? What are their weaknesses. Usually the person I clash with, has a personality trait I abhor...like drama queen or micro managing control freak, over-talkative know-all, political acumen which they use against me...in other words ones with "group" mentality over individuals.
Reading back this so far...I see well, maybe I am really mentally sick. I am justifyting hatred , rationalising when intellectually I know this is wrong. I love Ghandi and all those heroes who dedicated life to the betterment of society and their fellow man, but I just can't live up to it. I have become a loathsome bitter creature not unlike the character in "Notes from the Undergroud", a Russian novel. have I gone off topic by the way?
OK we need somebody to love as a motivation for living. A parent, (for example) finds a new level of determination to continue an awful job, in order to pay his child's school fees. A reason not to quit.
I've become accustomed to getting into conflict with people, the last 4 or 5 years...whether it be as an unsatisfied customer or with an abrasive, bossy colleague at work, even with family members. I used to just put up with it. Now I stand up for myself. Maybe too much eh. Seems like I've got my radar on all the time now, looking for potential threats.
But over-vigilance I fear.Can't relax. Always suspicious of others intentions. Now , if I've had a break from conflict, I almost miss it. Have renewed energy. Am always learning new strategies in order to "win". The person I perceive as the new enemy, the new nemeisis, will preoccupy my mind. It will stimulate my brain. How can I win? What are their weaknesses. Usually the person I clash with, has a personality trait I abhor...like drama queen or micro managing control freak, over-talkative know-all, political acumen which they use against me...in other words ones with "group" mentality over individuals.
Reading back this so far...I see well, maybe I am really mentally sick. I am justifyting hatred , rationalising when intellectually I know this is wrong. I love Ghandi and all those heroes who dedicated life to the betterment of society and their fellow man, but I just can't live up to it. I have become a loathsome bitter creature not unlike the character in "Notes from the Undergroud", a Russian novel. have I gone off topic by the way?