Do you think I should delete my Facebook based on this?

[IceCastles]

I would like some advice please (this might be repetitive from my old posts but I'm so annoyed..I'm normally not such an angry person but I've hit my limit):

My FB mainly has my family and I'm a part of a ton of ladies and moms groups in my city. My main purpose of using it is to share the occasional picture of my family and to try to make friends.

I am a new mom and I have tried to make friends through joining mom groups and contacting other moms. The problem is, although we end up meeting in real life and they say "Let's meet up again!", they do not initiate any interaction with me afterwards. I end up initiating continually or they stop responding because they're too "busy". They will still Like, Share, Comment on my posts - but this is not the type of friendship that I desire. I am using the internet as a medium to build OFFLINE friendships. I do not have time to play Facebook day and night! It is not for me.

It further pisses me off when I see that they are posting pictures of themselves out with their friends, yet not putting in any effort with me. Obviously, their "busy" translates to "too busy for YOU, IceCastles".

I myself am incredibly, insanely busy...it is amazing that I can even squeeze in any time for a social life - but it is humanly possible to make time for someone. I see them doing it; just not for me.

***
SIDE COMENT: I guess I should give up on waiting to hear back from my "friend" who said she'll make time to visit me...like 8+ months ago? It's a non-win right?
***

Also, I have some colleagues that have found me from my old company. When I worked there, I was not friends with any of them and some of them would behave in a strange manner to exclude me.

To their credit, there WERE some nice people that I liked and enjoyed working with. Everything was laughs and a good time on a working-level, but on a personal level; none of them seem interested in my friendship, many of them had their own circles and I was left out.

A few of them have Friended and then Unfriended me and I honestly feel that some of them only added me to find out about my personal life without really wanting to know me. The company I'm working with is somewhat connected to my old company; and management changes around; they may end up working for my company; people talk and it goes around etc. so I feel hesitant in offending them by just deleting them. As an unpopular person; I make an easy target vs a crowd of people badmouthing me which may affect my career.

...

What do you think?

I feel it's a great way to connect with my moms/ baby groups so I'm not completely isolated but dealing with people is really frustrating. I don't want to pretend to be friends with someone knowing that they are actually not my friend.

I do have 3 more ladies to meetup and maybe I should wait til after meeting them to delete my FB?

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

My opinion is...facebook is great for connecting. But when you rely on it to remain further connected, it becomes an issue. I will admit that I put my facebook messages and communication on a much lower priority than, let's say, ALL. But then ALL isn't the highest priorities either. I have actually found that taking the people that I am really interested in continuing communication with, and adding them to skype has been a much better option. Skype has become my kind of "this is the list of people that will continue communication with me if I decide to drop off of everything else."

 

[IceCastles]

That's great that you have it figured out.

I feel that it wouldn't bother me so much and I'd be more carefree about it if I actually had friends in real life lol like normal people.

I think the biggest issues for me are:
- People saying that they want to be friends with me; then make no effort to me; then seeing them making effort for others
- My colleagues that want to know my personal life when they actually don't care for me at all; some of them were just mean

I feel like I'm playing pretend-friends and I guess I'm feeling bad about myself...maybe it is in my best interest to not continue on that site anymore.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

I can understand that. Sometimes it seems like people are so quick to throw out the friendship requests, without actually thinking that the person on the other end has the expectation of them living up to it. Believe it or not, you do have the upper hand by knowing which people make you feel negative about the friendship situations.

I have deactivated my account many times when I am in need of a break. I agree, that if it has a negative impact on you atm, that getting away from it would be for the best.

PS I am a mom of 3, who has no "real" friends. Feel free to PM me if you ever need someone to listen

 

[Badjedidude]

Everyone should delete their facebooks

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

Everyone should delete their facebooks

No you :club:

 

[SofiasMami]

^Where have you been hiding out, BJD?

To the OP-
Congrats on becoming a new mom.
I'm a mom too but I don't use Facebook to connect with other moms. There's a Mommy Mafia out there - lots of judginess about other moms and their choices, gossiping and general fakery - and their weapon of choice is social media. When I was a brand-new mom, I did use Meet-up Groups to meet other moms. But I've mostly stuck with friends that I've had since before my child was born and with friends I've made at work. Having motherhood in common is a good start to meet friends but I think you'll find you have to have other things in common besides parenthood for the friendships to last. It can be hard to figure what else you have in common just based off Facebook as it is mainly a tool for showing off and telling the world how "great" everything is. I want to be friends with a real person not a Stepford wife.

Congrats again on becoming a new mom - it's the toughest job you'll ever love!

-Teresa

 

[Triple Bogey]

That's great that you have it figured out.

I feel that it wouldn't bother me so much and I'd be more carefree about it if I actually had friends in real life lol like normal people.

I think the biggest issues for me are:
- People saying that they want to be friends with me; then make no effort to me; then seeing them making effort for others
- My colleagues that want to know my personal life when they actually don't care for me at all; some of them were just mean

I feel like I'm playing pretend-friends and I guess I'm feeling bad about myself...maybe it is in my best interest to not continue on that site anymore.

Facebook is simple. You have control of what you see. Either delete or unfollow anybody who gets on your nerves or pisses you off.

 

[TheRealCallie]

That's great that you have it figured out.

I feel that it wouldn't bother me so much and I'd be more carefree about it if I actually had friends in real life lol like normal people.

I think the biggest issues for me are:
- People saying that they want to be friends with me; then make no effort to me; then seeing them making effort for others
- My colleagues that want to know my personal life when they actually don't care for me at all; some of them were just mean

I feel like I'm playing pretend-friends and I guess I'm feeling bad about myself...maybe it is in my best interest to not continue on that site anymore.

Facebook is simple. You have control of what you see. Either delete or unfollow anybody who gets on your nerves or pisses you off.

I have to agree with TB here. If you don't think someone cares for you, delete them. Why have them there at all if you don't feel they care about you?
Are you possibly confusing actual friends with acquaintances?
Figure out what you want, if you don't think FB is good for you, delete it. But, if you want to continue using FB to stay close to those that really do care about you, just make some changes to your account and carry on.

 

[Triple Bogey]

That's great that you have it figured out.

I feel that it wouldn't bother me so much and I'd be more carefree about it if I actually had friends in real life lol like normal people.

I think the biggest issues for me are:
- People saying that they want to be friends with me; then make no effort to me; then seeing them making effort for others
- My colleagues that want to know my personal life when they actually don't care for me at all; some of them were just mean

I feel like I'm playing pretend-friends and I guess I'm feeling bad about myself...maybe it is in my best interest to not continue on that site anymore.

Facebook is simple. You have control of what you see. Either delete or unfollow anybody who gets on your nerves or pisses you off.

I have to agree with TB here. If you don't think someone cares for you, delete them. Why have them there at all if you don't feel they care about you?
Are you possibly confusing actual friends with acquaintances?
Figure out what you want, if you don't think FB is good for you, delete it. But, if you want to continue using FB to stay close to those that really do care about you, just make some changes to your account and carry on.

I have to agree with TheRealCallie here.

 

[gluguy]

That's great that you have it figured out.

I feel that it wouldn't bother me so much and I'd be more carefree about it if I actually had friends in real life lol like normal people.

I think the biggest issues for me are:
- People saying that they want to be friends with me; then make no effort to me; then seeing them making effort for others
- My colleagues that want to know my personal life when they actually don't care for me at all; some of them were just mean

I feel like I'm playing pretend-friends and I guess I'm feeling bad about myself...maybe it is in my best interest to not continue on that site anymore.

Facebook is simple. You have control of what you see. Either delete or unfollow anybody who gets on your nerves or pisses you off.

I have to agree with TB here. If you don't think someone cares for you, delete them. Why have them there at all if you don't feel they care about you?
Are you possibly confusing actual friends with acquaintances?
Figure out what you want, if you don't think FB is good for you, delete it. But, if you want to continue using FB to stay close to those that really do care about you, just make some changes to your account and carry on.

I have to agree with TheRealCallie here.

I can second this. I deleted/deactivated myself several times, but I had to re-activate/re-register because you really need it nowadays for several reasons (job seeking, college/work, promotion, groups, etc.), but there were always those idiots.

Solution? Unfollow all the people you don't care about (I actually unfollowed almost everyone aside from 1-2 of my friends). This way, you can look the information you're actually interested in (liked pages, important groups, etc.), have the conversations you need but without all the bullshit shared in your feed.

 

[Triple Bogey]

That's great that you have it figured out.

I feel that it wouldn't bother me so much and I'd be more carefree about it if I actually had friends in real life lol like normal people.

I think the biggest issues for me are:
- People saying that they want to be friends with me; then make no effort to me; then seeing them making effort for others
- My colleagues that want to know my personal life when they actually don't care for me at all; some of them were just mean

I feel like I'm playing pretend-friends and I guess I'm feeling bad about myself...maybe it is in my best interest to not continue on that site anymore.

Facebook is simple. You have control of what you see. Either delete or unfollow anybody who gets on your nerves or pisses you off.

I have to agree with TB here. If you don't think someone cares for you, delete them. Why have them there at all if you don't feel they care about you?
Are you possibly confusing actual friends with acquaintances?
Figure out what you want, if you don't think FB is good for you, delete it. But, if you want to continue using FB to stay close to those that really do care about you, just make some changes to your account and carry on.

I have to agree with TheRealCallie here.

I can second this. I deleted/deactivated myself several times, but I had to re-activate/re-register because you really need it nowadays for several reasons (job seeking, college/work, promotion, groups, etc.), but there were always those idiots.

Solution? Unfollow all the people you don't care about (I actually unfollowed almost everyone aside from 1-2 of my friends). This way, you can look the information you're actually interested in (liked pages, important groups, etc.), have the conversations you need but without all the bullshit shared in your feed.

You are right. The unfollow is very useful. People have no idea you are unfollowing them and not reading their crap. If you delete somebody then they may find out and get the hump with you.

 

[IceCastles]

Thanks everyone for your input. I'll have to think things over. It seems so trivial but I guess I have my own personal issues so FB bothers me more than it should.