Do you want to get married?

[lonelyfairy]

Yes, I do want to get married someday but... Because my parents divorced when I was really young, I'm not sure could I do it after all even though it's one of my dreams. I don't want to have children ever and never become a mother, though! Aaand that's a whole another subject, lol.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

I probably don't really qualify for this thread but... Before I got married, it wasn't something I thought I wanted to do. I kind of fell hard for the man I married, and there was a lot of pressure around it. And now that I've been separated for 2 years, I don't see myself ever doing it again. Of course, I'm still young and who knows what will fall on my lap in the future.

 

[Tuathaniel]

I don't want to have children ever and never become a mother, though! Aaand that's a whole another subject, lol.

Well, you're certainly not alone in that department! Motherhood is definitely not for me. 

Marriage however ... Well ... I used to think yes, absolutely. Then, for the last decade or so, I've been thinking no. First mostly because I was sure I'd never find anyone to marry, so it was part of the grieving process to convince myself that marriage wasn't my thing anyway. But during the later years, it's been more about realizing how incredibly comfortable I am alone in my apartment, making all the decisions, only having myself to worry about, etc. Despite the occasional wishing I had someone to hang out with and cuddle up with, I've generally been quite happy in my fortress of solitude. Also, I hate people. They annoy me to no end. Even my (former) closest friends had worn out their welcome after a full day. 

Now, however, I'm not sure anymore. Now that I actually, against all odds, do have a boyfriend, I might be warming up to the possibility again. He's just lived with me for the past three months, during a study course abroad in my country, and I was surprised to find that his presence hardly ever annoyed me. During those three months, I only wanted personal space maybe once or twice. So I don't know, maybe if you're with the right person, it gets less annoying? 

In the past I've also had flatmates that I hated living with, and others that I enjoyed living with. So yeah, I think it does depend on the person or people in question. 

Also, I see absolutely no need for getting married if you don't want to. A couple can be perfectly happy together their entire life, without marriage. To me, marriage is more about legal advantages, financial advantages, a romantic gesture and an excuse for a really awesome party. (I might actually end up getting married just for the cake ... )

 

[mauthecat]

I always thought I never would want to get married, but I have to be honest if you ask me now my answer is YES, all those things I never cared about, somebody asking me to marry him, than feeling of someone loving you so much he wants to spend the rest of his life with you and he is so sure about it he is willing to marry you. 
looking at a ring and knowing I belong with someone, and someone belongs with me. 
I have never even thought what kind of dress I would like to wear, and now all i see are shows about weddings and wedding dresses. 

I will never have that, a special day, with a special someone. My dad will never walk me to by fiancee, I wont have to worry about finding a perfect dress for a perfect day. 

I blame myself, I never wanted it, and all of a sudden i do? I had the chance before, and I didnt take it. Now I wont get the chance again.

Tuathaniel it is so nice to hear you have lived with your bf for 3 months and you felt comfortable and hardly ever annoyed. I felt I was a walking annoyance, the worst part is that I tried the best I could and yet all I did or say seemed to be wrong. I feel I will never be able to make anyone happy, like there is something so wrong with me, no one will ever want me.

 

[iateallthepies]

NO.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I have no desire to get married or be married. I never have. You know how they say that it's every girl's dream, and that every little girl dreams about it? I never have. My mom would even come right out and attest to it. I wasn't raised to believe that marriage was necessary, so I'll admit that much. I think because it wasn't a part of my upbringing, it never made much of an impact on me. It's just a shame to me now that I involved myself with a guy whose family is all about marriage, and some of them have asked frequently when we're getting married, although we've made it clear that we're not. Unfortunately it seems to mean that they'll never look at me like a real family member, but that's just fine with me. I don't particularly care to cozy up to any of them.

 

[lilE]

Nope, and certainly don't want to ever have children as well.

 

[MisterLonely]

I actually don't care, I want someone to call my own, to share every part of my life with, someone that loves me without condition or trying to change me.... If I'm ever lucky enough to find this person I'll happily marry her if she wants that, or not if she doesn't...

 

[Parallax]

I want to spend the rest of my life with someone. I don't really see the point in getting married, though.

 

[ardour]

Sure. Or the long term equivalent. It makes not a lick of difference what I want though.

 

[DarkSelene]

Sure. Or the long term equivalent. It makes not a lick of difference what I want though.

I would think that the most important thing in this matter would be what you want...

 

[burial]

The only scenario in which I would consider getting married, were if I were doing so in order to gain citizenship and benefits in another country. Not that I'd have to worry about it anyway. At this point in my life I have given up the possibility of ever finding a partner, let alone anyone who would -want- to be married to me.

 

[ardour]

Sure. Or the long term equivalent. It makes not a lick of difference what I want though.

I would think that the most important thing in this matter would be what you want...

37 year old with and no relationship experience begs to differ on that point.

 

[DarkSelene]

A 37 year old man with and no relationship experience begs to differ. What would you suggest; cold-approach/harass large numbers of women, go trawling for someone with issues on Tinder, look for  a partner from a developing nation? I like to think I’m a better person than that.

I'm fairly more optimistic in this case and don't really think anyone needs to resort to that... but I understand where you come from, can't really make someone believe in something other than what they experienced their entire lives.

 

[lilE]

I am 29 and I don't want to get married or have kids.

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

I want to get married, and I am afraid that the clock has been ticking.

FYI guys and gals, lonely elderly people usually DIE EARLIER than elderly couples who are married or have a companion living with them.

I turn 35 y.o in a couple of weeks, and it's scary to think that half of my life has gone by, but no real girlfriend that I have been in a relationship with. Well, .....I had one girl matched up with me by a dating agency, but it was a shitty platonic relationship (AKA no-sex relationship), that lasted for only nine months and she was being miss gold-digger by having me pay for all of our lunch or dinner meals. Hence, I broke it off with her. After that though, no real girlfriend relationship.

My friend Terry is engaged to this girl whom he met within his company.

My other friend bryce married four years ago, and his wife gave birth to his first child in June. Wow, lucky him, right?

Right now, some of you here state that you prefer to be single or like the single lifestyle because of the baggage/burden that certain marriages or relationships may bring you.

But let me tell you this guys. When you get older, and you don't have anyone to be with, or you don't have any children to take care of you, .....you will get shitty health care when you're in the nursing home.

I have seen nurses neglect certain residents, not on purpose, but due to time constraints, ....and these residents are the ones who don't have a husband or wife, or a significant other, nor do they have any children who come to visit them.

This leads to heart aches, and eventually death.

Just my 2-cent guys and gals.

 

[user 115627]

I'd like to provide some counter-points, GrayAndLonesome.

I don't think anybody is fooling themselves regarding life expectancy here, you are undoubtedly gonna have a harder time when you're alone. But divorced people also die earlier than people who are married or have a companion living with them. For example, suicide rates increase particularly for divorced men. And I'll keep pointing at the roughly 50% divorce rates present in many first world nations that should raise a different question which is "How often do you want to get married?" in order to ensure you will still be in a marriage when you reached old age.

Also, I think it's a false assumption that you are necessarily gonna be better off just because you have a partner and/or children. Due to economical reasons, children can hardly stick around as much as they used to, let alone live under the same roof to properly take care of you on a daily basis. And frankly, if I had any children, I wouldn't want to hold them back from pursuing their careers by being a constant burden myself in that regard. Not even talking about the ones that will push you off into a nursing home because it's just not feasable otherwise. That trend is gonna increase. Lastly, I suppose if you have a partner of the same age as you who probably has the same health issues...you might need additional help either way. So I think it remains a gamble for a lot of people.

On a different note, it would be interesting to see the founding of large old-people communes where they help each other out...maybe that's the future.

 

[Aisha]

Someday. But I like being alone, I like my independence. It's a slightly conflicting position to be in, but it'll resolve itself if the time comes. There's much more that goes through my mind when I think about this, but it's not worth considering at the moment since it is certainly not a priority.

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

I'd like to provide some counter-points, GrayAndLonesome.

I don't think anybody is fooling themselves regarding life expectancy here, you are undoubtedly gonna have a harder time when you're alone. But divorced people also die earlier than people who are married or have a companion living with them. For example, suicide rates increase particularly for divorced men. And I'll keep pointing at the roughly 50% divorce rates present in many first world nations that should raise a different question which is "How often do you want to get married?" in order to ensure you will still be in a marriage when you reached old age.

Yeah, you're right Rodent. I never thought about the depression that sets in upon couples who get divorced.

However, if I'm not mistaken, the majority of marriages usually lasts for a long time and a smaller % of them last forever until one of the two couples pass on.

Nevertheless, I'm focusing more on my situation since I have yet to find a girlfriend, feel lonesome at time (because I just moved away from home for job), and I have been paired up with many girls. Only to have them disappear on me by not responding to my text messages and in one instance, the girl was rude to reject me by addressing me as "hey you" in her text, and stating that she didn't like me.

I am telling myself that if I were to have a steady relationship and if I were to get married and have kids, and things go right, then I will be a happy person, having a wife to talk to, having kids, and feeling proud of my accomplishments.

However, that does not seem to be happening to me.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Divorce Facts

In America, there is one divorce approximately every 36 seconds*. That's nearly 2,400 divorces per day, 16,800 divorces per week and 876,000 divorces a year.

The average length of a marriage that ends in divorce is eight years.

People wait an average of three years after a divorce to remarry (if they remarry at all).

The average age for couples going through their first divorce is 30 years old.

Seventy-nine point six percent of custodial mothers receive a support award, while only 29.6 percent of custodial fathers receive a support award.

Forty-six point nine percent of non-custodial mothers totally default on support, while only 26.9 percent of non-custodial fathers totally default on support.

About 1 percent of the total number of currently married same-sex couples gets divorced each year, in comparison to about 2 percent of married straight couples. (Note that the percent of couples that get divorced eventually is 50 percent, but only one or two percent get divorced in a particular year.)

Quite interesting stuff.  https://www.mckinleyirvin.com/Family-Law-Blog/2012/October/32-Shocking-Divorce-Statistics.aspx