Does it ever end?- A rant

[ThatOneGirl]

I thought I finally had a grip on the soul-ripping depression. I must have just deluded myself. I told myself that I was happy, because it was what I felt I had to do. In reality, I think I was just taking every pain I experience and pushing it into a box deep within myself. Ignoring it, pretending it wasn’t real. Apparently, today was the day that the box could take no more. A seam burst. Everything hurt, pain, anger, negative comment, and failure came bursting back to life. I’m not sure that I have the strength to fight this fight again.

Will I ever overcome this? Will I ever be who I want to be? Will it ever truly be over?

It certainly doesn’t seem so.

 

[constant stranger]

I've been in my own version of what you describe but I'm not there anymore. How I got out of it I don't really know except that eventually I noticed I was looking back at how awful it used to be and wasn't so awful anymore.....after years of depression.

My opinion ThatOneGirl, is that depression is non-motion, it's temporary paralysis, it's looking inward and backward not outward or forward. Moving somehow, even in trivial ways like baking a loaf of bread or driving around aimlessly....oh wow, I remember even picking up litter at a public park for hours, just as a time-filler to "get through the day"....moving somehow, seemed to help. Oh gosh, getting through the day, or the night, it sounds so familiar now. I guess, if a person keeps getting through the days and not surrendering to depression, then eventually it will truly be over.

Not much help probably, but I did want to reply to your post.

 

[cumulus.james]

Personally I can see no end in sight for myself. The void is too big and has been too long in the making. All the solutions are the wrong ones. I just made a half assed poem about that over on the loneliness forum.

We need to find something big enough to fill the void (and the solutions aren't on this screen). Or medicate ourselves to the point we don't notice the void. This screen is a distraction, not a solution.

"From despair to where?" Asked The Manic Street Preachers.

 

[Tiina63]

I find a lot of the things I do are attempts to distract myself from the void of loneliness. They are papering over the cracks. But if I didn't do them, staring into the void within non stop would drive me out of my mind.

 

[A Louis Wain Cat]

I don't think it ever really ends for some people, myself included. And to be serious, until depression is treated like the potentially deadly real disease it is, few of us will have any peace. The most I personally can hope for is a neutral middle ground, even though it seems like a curb I am balancing on to avoid falling into traffic.

 

[Peaches]

for me the problem is reactive depression, I wasn't like that before, although some pain in the heart was always there but not so unbearable, and I need to believe that by finding some fulfillment these feelings will go away, as they weren't there only two years ago.
but I agree with Tiina, perhaps those are just patch ups, I don't know what to do about the hole inside my soul.