Does it seem women only want decent guys when they are divorced and have kids?

[Okiedokes]

hmmm. lol...

Yeah. Well, sometimes if things are done too quickly such as marriage, we don't get to know who the guy or girl really is.. of course a person will want to be extra careful the second time. That is just lesson learned. As for wanting bad boy types..eh.. no thanks anyways. If I can't connect on an intellectual level, even if they are hot as heck..no thx.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

There is also the nice guy, who becomes the bad boy later in life to fit in.

 

[nerdygirl]

There is also the nice guy, who becomes the bad boy later in life to fit in.

I don't think those people were ever nice to begin with. Genuinely nice guys are nice because it's who they are. They don't like bad boys because they're jerks, and they don't want to be jerks.

 

[Frito Bandito]

That sounds more like random generalized bullshit masquerading as "science" found on PUA sites than fact.

This indicates that it is less than the 10% you cited above:

"Research consistently shows that 2 to 3% of all children are the product of infidelity."

My source actually cites the journals from which they pull their data.

2 or 3 out of a hundred seems more likely than 1 out of 10. So really, we're left with 97 or 98 kids out of a hundred who are born of the man who is married - or at least who thinks he is "with" - the mom. So those women seem to be ok enough with their man to have his kids.

Awesome! Sometimes women DO stick around to get knocked up by her bf or husband.

Your source is referring to cheating within marriage. The sources I have read are referring to relationships and cheating in general. I'm too busy to cite sources, which is why I encourage people to "go read on it". If this were a term paper for college, I'd be glad to provide a full bibliography with sources. Until then, people reading will just have to decide whether or not they are interested in what I write, and then go the google route.

 

[joejoeyjoseph]

It seems that women mature much, much, much much faster than men do. Remember high school? How many girls dated boys still in high school? I guess a proper answer would be "as few as possible".

It almost seems that men are different than women - wait... but check this out... I think women and men are total opposites. When men want to be with one woman, a woman around the same age will want to be with many different men to figure things out. And when women want to be with one man, a man around the same age will want to be with many different women for the same reason.

Either way, the saying is true, there are almost too many fish in the sea, actually. Too many to dwell on one bad experience. Not saying that's what you're doing or anything. But most people will dwell on this at one point or other in their lives, and dwelling is basically labeling yourself as a failure instead of an individual with almost infinite opportunities and the discovery of something not to try next time around!

 

[Frito Bandito]

It seems that women mature much, much, much much faster than men do. Remember high school? How many girls dated boys still in high school? I guess a proper answer would be "as few as possible".

It almost seems that men are different than women - wait... but check this out... I think women and men are total opposites. When men want to be with one woman, a woman around the same age will want to be with many different men to figure things out. And when women want to be with one man, a man around the same age will want to be with many different women for the same reason.

Either way, the saying is true, there are almost too many fish in the sea, actually. Too many to dwell on one bad experience. Not saying that's what you're doing or anything. But most people will dwell on this at one point or other in their lives, and dwelling is basically labeling yourself as a failure instead of an individual with almost infinite opportunities and the discovery of something not to try next time around!

You make some good points.

I would just like to add to (or emphasize) what you've said: the key is 'attitude of abundance'. There are 3,499,999,999 other females out there if 1 screws you over. That's just tooo mannny options to get oneitis.

 

[Intranetusa]

There is also the nice guy, who becomes the bad boy later in life to fit in.

I don't think those people were ever nice to begin with. Genuinely nice guys are nice because it's who they are. They don't like bad boys because they're jerks, and they don't want to be jerks.

Nice guys generally finish last.

And when nice guys finish last in everything, they become jaded over time and become bad boys.

 

[VanillaCreme]

There is also the nice guy, who becomes the bad boy later in life to fit in.

I don't think those people were ever nice to begin with. Genuinely nice guys are nice because it's who they are. They don't like bad boys because they're jerks, and they don't want to be jerks.

I think the same. Because I find it odd that some people act like they're nice, and when you get to know them, it's a complete 180 and they're just different. A dude that liked me a few years back wanted to act like he was a real nice guy, but as I got to know him, all his little rude, snide comments to me made me realize otherwise. Pretend to be nice al you want, eventually your true colors show, even if you unknowingly hide it.

 

[Intranetusa]

There is also the nice guy, who becomes the bad boy later in life to fit in.

I don't think those people were ever nice to begin with. Genuinely nice guys are nice because it's who they are. They don't like bad boys because they're jerks, and they don't want to be jerks.

I think the same. Because I find it odd that some people act like they're nice, and when you get to know them, it's a complete 180 and they're just different. A dude that liked me a few years back wanted to act like he was a real nice guy, but as I got to know him, all his little rude, snide comments to me made me realize otherwise. Pretend to be nice al you want, eventually your true colors show, even if you unknowingly hide it.

What about nice guys who pretend to be bad boys?

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

There is also the nice guy, who becomes the bad boy later in life to fit in.

I don't think those people were ever nice to begin with. Genuinely nice guys are nice because it's who they are. They don't like bad boys because they're jerks, and they don't want to be jerks.

Nice guys generally finish last.

And when nice guys finish last in everything, they become jaded over time and become bad boys.

Exactly.

I have accepted that I either:

A.) Have to stay the guy I am now, and remain celibate and dateless and a virgin until my dying day
B.) Become what women want, which seems to be a tattooed, muscular jock who doesn't give a honeysuckle about anything, including her

I realize this is a generalization, but my god, it is so true! So many women chase the same guy over and over again, but with different faces and in different clothing.

 

[The Good Citizen]

I don't think its a case of nice guys or bad guys, just human beings taking on roles and acting them out, life basically... its just performance.

I have in my past been cheated on and hated those girls for what they did, I have in my past cheated and both hated and excused myself but that easily done, sin in haste repent in leisure etc....

I have been rejected by someone I loved and played the part of the agrrieved party and i have rejected someone who loved me and played the part of being cruel to be kind.

We are human basically and I try to remember this when I am hurt by someone. I know some fantastic really good people, male and female who are very dear to me and I know the majority have cheated on partners in some way at some point in their life, if I judged and cut everyone out of my life on such a basis I would be very lonely and a hypocrite.

I have been devestated by my recent break up, I really took it badly. I thought she was wonderful now at times I see she is selfish, but its pretty much the same girl I'm seeing from a different viewpoint. I wish I could just typecast her as selfish and write her off but I know I am only doing that to comfort myself, over simplifying her into one type of person to suit my needs. I know this hurt is real, but what else is real besides? Its all just my perception, my passing judgement. I know I can fool myself into thinking anything, but once I establish that, I know I can't really fool myself at all, its a sort of an annoying paradox.

So what is the truth and what is just what I want to feel? I try to hate her because it will make it easier bascially but I don't know deep down if she deserves to be hated by someone such as myself. Maybe I just deserve everything I got, maybe it was just all my fault we split all along and I'm just too stupid or egotistical to admit it or maybe I really am great and she really is horrible and I'm just being soft.

Well I'm messed if I know.. so I try not to pass judgement, I'd rather not form an opinion at all than a wrong one, which does make closure difficult. I wish I could just write people off and take the moral highground like so many people do, I've just seen too much to kid myself its that simple anymore.

So do nice guys finish last? Well are we really all the nice guys on here? Does life owe me anything, what do I deserve from it exactly? I never want to feel I am a nice guy, its a comfort zone, conceited and an excuse. I'm human and just trying my best like everyone else.

 

[nerdygirl]

If you are bitter and angry, and you become a "bad boy", you're not a nice guy pretending to be a "bad boy". You've switched sides. Sure, you can look back and think, "I used to be a nice guy," but that doesn't make you any less of a jerk.

As for the notion that nice guys have to die single virgins... Well! On behalf of the women who happen to be divorced mothers, "Forget you, too." If you'd rather die celibate and alone than be with a woman just because she's been married before and she has a kid or two (since that's what this thread is about), I have zero sympathy for you.

 

[Intranetusa]

If you are bitter and angry, and you become a "bad boy", you're not a nice guy pretending to be a "bad boy". You've switched sides. Sure, you can look back and think, "I used to be a nice guy," but that doesn't make you any less of a jerk.

No, I was referring to two completely different people.

The first is a nice guy who is nice, but then becomes jaded and changes over time to become a bad boy. People change over time.

The 2nd time is a nice guy, but pretends to be a bad boy to fit in, but doesn't feel comfortable about it.

This is assuming "real" bad boys actually want to be bad boys and are comfortable with the role.

As for the notion that nice guys have to die single virgins... Well! On behalf of the women who happen to be divorced mothers, "Forget you, too." If you'd rather die celibate and alone than be with a woman just because she's been married before and she has a kid or two (since that's what this thread is about), I have zero sympathy for you.

Well, it's similar to situations where girls don't go for nice guys but instead hook up with bad boys, then fail in their relationships, then end up with a kid...and then finally decides to go for a nice guy so he'll take care of them.

The guy equivalent would be a guy player hooking up with a bunch of women (with or w/o getting STDs), and then deciding he'll only marry a virgin in the end.

 

[joejoeyjoseph]

...
Well, it's similar to situations where girls don't go for nice guys but instead hook up with bad boys, then fail in their relationships, then end up with a kid...and then finally decides to go for a nice guy so he'll take care of them.

The guy equivalent would be a guy player hooking up with a bunch of women (with or w/o getting STDs), and then deciding he'll only marry a virgin in the end.

Is this what you believe or what you've experienced? I'm curious because I feel like your outlook on different-sex relationships is quite negative... which leads me to believe (maybe I'm wrong) that you've actually seen this happen before? I mean, not "hypothetically" or because you see it on TV? Could you clarify this for me? Thank you!

 

[Frito Bandito]

...
Well, it's similar to situations where girls don't go for nice guys but instead hook up with bad boys, then fail in their relationships, then end up with a kid...and then finally decides to go for a nice guy so he'll take care of them.

The guy equivalent would be a guy player hooking up with a bunch of women (with or w/o getting STDs), and then deciding he'll only marry a virgin in the end.

Is this what you believe or what you've experienced? I'm curious because I feel like your outlook on different-sex relationships is quite negative... which leads me to believe (maybe I'm wrong) that you've actually seen this happen before? I mean, not "hypothetically" or because you see it on TV? Could you clarify this for me? Thank you!

I've seen it play out time and time again for as long as I've been paying attention to it. I come from a small town. Population about 3,500. Half of our women have born the offpsring of about 50 dudes, lol. It's a virtual harem. When you drop your kid off for school and the rest of the kids look like the little ones from Village of the Damned, you know 'somebody' has corrupted the gene pool. Jussayn.

 

[joejoeyjoseph]

I've seen it play out time and time again for as long as I've been paying attention to it. I come from a small town. Population about 3,500. Half of our women have born the offpsring of about 50 dudes, lol. It's a virtual harem. When you drop your kid off for school and the rest of the kids look like the little ones from Village of the Damned, you know 'somebody' has corrupted the gene pool. Jussayn.

I'm sorry if this is sensitive to you but I find what you said to be hilarious! Personally, if this bothered me where I lived I would simply move somewhere else. I would let that village **** itself! (PS I hope this isn't offensive, that is not my intention at all!!!)

 

[Frito Bandito]

I've seen it play out time and time again for as long as I've been paying attention to it. I come from a small town. Population about 3,500. Half of our women have born the offpsring of about 50 dudes, lol. It's a virtual harem. When you drop your kid off for school and the rest of the kids look like the little ones from Village of the Damned, you know 'somebody' has corrupted the gene pool. Jussayn.

I'm sorry if this is sensitive to you but I find what you said to be hilarious! Personally, if this bothered me where I lived I would simply move somewhere else. I would let that village **** itself! (PS I hope this isn't offensive, that is not my intention at all!!!)

Haha, no, not offended. I'm rarely serious. LOL

Have you seen my avatar?

 

[Intranetusa]

...
Well, it's similar to situations where girls don't go for nice guys but instead hook up with bad boys, then fail in their relationships, then end up with a kid...and then finally decides to go for a nice guy so he'll take care of them.
The guy equivalent would be a guy player hooking up with a bunch of women (with or w/o getting STDs), and then deciding he'll only marry a virgin in the end.

Is this what you believe or what you've experienced? I'm curious because I feel like your outlook on different-sex relationships is quite negative... which leads me to believe (maybe I'm wrong) that you've actually seen this happen before? I mean, not "hypothetically" or because you see it on TV? Could you clarify this for me? Thank you!

Nope, just offering scenarios.

 

[blackdot]

was searching for something else and came across this thread.

Back in my college years, someone was trying to "help" me out when I was bummed about not finding anyone to date. They told me that all I needed to do was sit back and wait for women to stop having fun and be ready to settle down and then I would find one.
I always found that offensive. Basically they were saying I had to wait for women to be tired of life and no longer want to have fun doing things before I could find someone.
I guess that lines up with the OP saying that divorced women want decent guys. They have had their fun and now want to end their life with someone else.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I guess that lines up with the OP saying that divorced women want decent guys. They have had their fun and now want to end their life with someone else.

As a divorced woman, I take the highest offense to this notion.
It's absurd and the men who subscribe to the idea have NO CLUE what they are talking about.