Domestic Violence?

[TheSolitaryMan]

I'm curious to know if any of the people talking here and claiming they would do this or that given the same situation have ever BEEN in a domestic dispute.
You can say whatever you want right now, but unless you actually experience it, you can't know what you would do. Especially if you had verbal abuse before the physical.

No, I must admit I've not been in a domestic dispute.

I have, however, been threatened repeatedly by gangs of imposing people in the past who could have really kicked the hell out of me had I not stood up to them. I've suffered plenty of verbal abuse in with the physical too. I know what it's like to feel like you're in genuine danger of physical harm.

I'm not saying I'm right all the time, and I imagine it's different for women too. Simply that I'm of the opinion that even if you're scared or intimidated out of your mind, sometimes it's best to try to resist physically. Not always, but sometimes.

When I had 20 or so hooded guys stood around me, some stealing my possessions, others punching my arms, invading my personal space and telling me how I was going to get messed up, you can believe that I felt just as much fear as a person does when their partner starts hitting them.

 

[oopsiedoop]

Erm... I think the post that most trivialized domestic violence in my eyes read, "Wait..so I'm allowed to hit a guy with a frying pan every time one's a dick!???!!!! YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEE I'll marry whoever makes it a hammer."

Domestic violence is a bad thing, regardless of if it's a man or woman who is a victim.

I told you, I can't follow you.

 

[Sprint]

It's almost funny to see how much this has been blown out of proportion. Almost.

Shrugs

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I have a question for everyone who's trivializing domestic violence..what do you think would happen if this woman fought back in kind?

Erm... I think the post that most trivialized domestic violence in my eyes read, "Wait..so I'm allowed to hit a guy with a frying pan every time one's a dick!???!!!! YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEE I'll marry whoever makes it a hammer."

Domestic violence is a bad thing, regardless of if it's a man or woman who is a victim.

Thank you, get again more sanity from nerdygirl.

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I've always felt I was too weak to take on anyone physically. o.o

So i'd just cower if someone were to hit me. Heh.

Btw, I know this might be offensive to oopsiedoop, but your posts do kind of un-nerve me somewhat. Solitary did a very nice argument by reversing your comment about hitting a guy, into a guy being the agressor. When i read his comment my stomache clenched up, whereas when I read yours it sounded a bit "off" but it didn't inspire fear in me just to read that, since women are traditionally seen to be the weaker sex, and not as effective in combat. I do realize that probably most people that read Solitary's comment on this page probably didn't have the same reaction as I did emotionally. I'm the person who has nightmares about men trying to hurt her a few times a month. Other people probably don't have that reoccuring dream.

I have issues.

90% of prisoners in jail are men, 10% are women. Which gender are you going to trust more not to assault you? Or, is the arrest rate so low for women because women get away with it more than men due to societal perceptions about them? Interesting to ponder this.

If this statistic is even accurate, could it just be that women are better at getting away with crime? lol

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Anything you do to a typical abuser they feel much more than other people, because they never expect a "victim" to fight back.

It could also do the opposite and make them angrier.

This is what it usually does.

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Anything you do to a typical abuser they feel much more than other people, because they never expect a "victim" to fight back.

It could also do the opposite and make them angrier.

True indeed. Which is, of course, why it needs to be weighed up in each individual case. I'd argue that if someone is intent on really damaging you in the first place, it's better to fight back than let them go ahead unhindered.

Really any person who hits their partner is performing a cowardly and immoral act, regardless of gender. There's never any justifiable call for it.

Agree

 

[oopsiedoop]

My point with the frying pan was that if a man can get away with doing it, so should a woman. But that always sends everyone up in arms.

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This post is hysterical..first it argues that women are just as dangerous, and then points out the ludicrous-ness of that position.

No more "hysterical" than your own, which were coming out like bitter revenge fantasies.

I like the way guys always throw in the word "bitter", which makes it sound sort of -- again, trivial. If someone beats you up and gets away with it, over and over, you think you'd be merely bitter? I doubt it. I certainly would have much more appropriate words to call it. "Bitter" is so trivial as to basically mean "Haha, you're powerless. You just feel bad cause somebody else won".

At any rate, whatever you call it, my views are not self-contradictory, like yours were.

And I don't know how the latter part of that post counts out the former. I was merely putting forward the point that if you're going to start talking about cutting guy's dicks off to "unman" them (an unpleasant thing to bring up, to say the least), perhaps someone should educate you that there is more than one bodily difference between a man and a woman.

A woman can be just as dangerous as a man. Given sufficient physical training she can build herself up to be stronger, and even the weakest of people (male or female) can be very dangerous with a knife or other weapon.

First you try to make the case that men are also victims, but there's an unfair bias towards women. Then you pointed out the physiological advantages which men have, which makes it MUCH MORE UNLIKELY that they will be victims. But you call that an "unfair" bias. I'm sorry, it's ludicrous and hysterical.

Anyway, I think we agree it's best to fight back if you can.

 

[Callie]

My point with the frying pan was that if a man can get away with doing it, so should a woman. But that always sends everyone up in arms.

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This post is hysterical..first it argues that women are just as dangerous, and then points out the ludicrous-ness of that position.

No more "hysterical" than your own, which were coming out like bitter revenge fantasies.

I like the way guys always throw in the word "bitter", which makes it sound sort of -- again, trivial. If someone beats you up and gets away with it, over and over, you think you'd be merely bitter? I doubt it. I certainly would have much more appropriate words to call it. "Bitter" is so trivial as to basically mean "Haha, you're powerless. You just feel bad cause somebody else won".

At any rate, whatever you call it, my views are not self-contradictory, like yours were.

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They only GET AWAY WITH IT if you don't press charges. IF they get away with it, it's your own fault for not getting help...and still that doesn't always work.
Have you ever been in a situation where you were physically or verbally abused like that? As I said, unless you have been in that situation, you don't know what you'd do. Like Soph, saying she's seen it, but not been in it, still she doesn't know what she would do either, not having been the person being abused, but she has a better understanding of it.

 

[Sprint]

My point with the frying pan was that if a man can get away with doing it, so should a woman. But that always sends everyone up in arms.

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I wonder why.

 

[Skorian]

Try just looking up the definition.

http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Domestic+Violence

There are many opinions on the subject as to at what degree things become abuse. Some people think just telling someone they are a dick is abuse. What really matters though is the context of the situation. Was she laughing or crying? Were they playing or being mean? Some people like to fight. Some women really like convicts.

People always try to apply their personal feelings to the world and it is stupid since the world is not made up of people that are alike. Some people can't handle that the world is not made up of people exactly like them.

What irks me is when people ask for advice and give very little information. Too often I see people talking about others and often only tell a part of the situation, because they are are simply looking for the answer that they want to hear.


This reminds me of a woman I used to work with. She was pregnant with a guys baby who apparently liked to lite her socks on fire while they were watching TV. I guess he did it a few times.

 

[Sprint]

I really had no answer I wanted to hear... except the truth.

In fact if I had to choose... the answers I got were far from what I would have rather heard.

 

[Skorian]

Is this woman unable to stand up for herself? I find it odd that you ask people here what to do and the only one who really has a right to an opinion is this woman your talking about. It is really all her decision.

Some of the people that come to this site are perfectionists and they try to come up with a perfect answer that fails because there is no such thing. Perfectionists tend to not be able to see the difference between things and jump to extremes. Some folks here I swear if you shouted "WHAT?" at them would call the police and declare that they were about to be killed.... Anxiety can make people really jumpy and see the worst possible thing. That affects the answer that they give.

Some people want to look good to others and answer what they think others want to hear.

 

[Sprint]

Is this woman unable to stand up for herself? I find it odd that you ask people here what to do and the only one who really has a right to an opinion is this woman your talking about. It is really all her decision.

Some of the people that come to this site are perfectionists and they try to come up with a perfect answer that fails because there is no such thing. Perfectionists tend to not be able to see the difference between things and jump to extremes. Some folks here I swear if you shouted "WHAT?" at them would call the police and declare that they were about to be killed.... Anxiety can make people really jumpy and see the worst possible thing. That affects the answer that they give.

Some people want to look good to others and answer what they think others want to hear.

It's all irrelevant. I was only interested in whether or not pushing a woman in the face was the same as actually hitting her.

This had nothing to do with the woman's opinion. I was having trouble & needed other peoples' clarity in distinguishing whether this was the same / different.