Don't Be Dull...

[copperation]

Speaking from experience, other people can find lonely people dull and boring. Certainly many of us find it hard to socialise, but I'm talking about those of us who open our mouths.

It took me years to twig that it wasn't everybody else being mean when they'd tell me to shut up, rather it was because I was often a total and overwhelming bore. I thought I was being ignored but I was too wrapped up in myself to consider that my chuntering was counter-productive.

I usually got on OK with people and was able able to chat normally. But on the comparitively rare occasions when I'd be asked to talk about any special interests I would witter and drone on and on. This was my limelight and I was going to use it. But I ended up driving people away because my 'interesting speeches' were often wayward and had no real point.

This carried on for years until I started to think about how I articulated myself. Then I felt much happier when workmates, etc, would take an interest in my views and hobbies. So, then, they weren't ignoring me or hating me all along, they just didn't like the jibber-jabber.

I've also noticed that a few people on this forum seem to wallow in their own miseries a bit. I've sometimes cried for help myself but found that because I seemed to be projecting misery without hope then that only served to drive 'normal' people away.

(I sincerely hope I'm not alienating anybody with that last paragraph, and if so then I deeply apologise. But I thought it important to mention it.)

The secret is to keep what you say short and punchy. Summaries are enough and you go into detail if asked. Also, don't wallow in yourself or indulge in self-pity, stay upbeat or optimistic if possible. Lucky for me I never moaned on about any personal miseries, but what I did used to drone on about was bad enough.

So there it is. I just thought I would mention it in case it came in handy for someone.

 

[Ekstra]

I'm terrible at conversations, all conversations, in general...though I think I'm really good online where it's easier to choose what you say so people end up saying I'm much "cooler" online than in RL.

In general I do keep to my self because
1. I don't usually speak unless I'm spoken to.
2. I don't have anything to say about social things about "this friend or that."
3. When I do open my mouth about anything, its probably a different kind of humor that most people can't appreciate.
4. So I always stop the witty comments a little too late.
5. I'm sensitive to other people's feelings but I can't stand lying or saying something creative when necessary so I end up just squirming or sounding really harsh and insensitive so I strike them as unsympathetic.
6. I have a really bad habbit of speaking half-baked thoughts which really alienates everyone.

I've always known that I should keep what I say to a minimum and make sure what little I do say is well thought out and counts. But its so hard :/ Ultimately I'm left being the distant excentric person and not the distant cool person.

Wallowing in self-pity is the only thing I can do since nobody else has pity for me :/ In that way, this forum actually makes me feel more insignificant because I have to pity the others in much harder situations than myself.

 

[Styx]

Brilliant writing from the both of you. All points and expressions have been well made.

 

[Arianna]

Maturity is a thing of the soul.. not to be measured in years. When you begin to understand that this world (and the people in it)..owe you absolutely nothing..that's when a 'mature sense' of reality sets in.
I think for so many people..this sudden realization is like a hard bump on the head. It hurts really bad...but then you need to get on with it..with life. I mean for me..the alternative is a lot worse..

Want to be happy? Learn to think less of yourself and do more for those who really need you..there's plenty of hungry..homeless..diseased stricken..'others' out there that could use the help.

When you can achieve that sense of self..you will find happiness.