Eldery Dementia

[Ak5]

So, has anyone else has had cases with elders and their dementia? Recently for me it has gotten worse. My grandfather lives with us and it is difficult. Especially on me due to the fact that I get very frustrated with him.

He thinks people are hiding stuff from him, he sees things that aren't there. He absolutely loves to make noise and talk a lot in the morning when I am trying to get some sleep. He wakes me up some days and he talks to me (I'm half asleep and half up so I have no idea what he is saying). He's worried about absolutely everything, even if there is one little thing out of place he has to come and wake me up about it. At night he always talks about his medicine and how he hasn't taken anything in the entire day (when he has). He can get quite aggressive too, he sometimes thinks that I'm against him and we argue at times.

So yeah, on top of my loneliness I have to work with my grandfather's dementia.

It's hard, when you see someone who served in the Spanish Army in the Sahara, who owned his own company, who successfully brought up a family, go down like this.


Any advice, or, have any of you experienced this?

 

[evanescencefan91]

*hugs AK5*

my mother and my grandmother have been getting quite forgetful lately,

but I really don't see them very often

I'm very sorry, this is hard thing to go through, I assume you have taken him to a physician?

Just be kind to him, and be there for him when he needs you *hugs*

 

[septicemia]

Its so hard to watch our loved ones growing old and their bodies/minds fail on them. When you are getting mad and frustrated with him, just remember that he is not the same person he once was because his brain is riddled with disease now. Also, you cant expect to NOT get frustrated or mad either, its a situation that easily drives us the family caretakers to the brink of insanity at times. Can you put a lock on your door or something so at least he cant be barging in and waking you up? Can you sleep with a fan on or something to make white noise to help keep the sound out? One thing is that you do NOT need to respond when they talk. Just ignore them if you are getting annoyed. Its not like he will remember in 5 minutes anyway, right? If he gets aggressive just leave, you do not need to engage him in his mental illness. Also, can the drs. prescribe a sedative for when he starts getting over the top?

I recently went though this with my father, he stayed at home throughout it all. He had liver cancer, and when the liver stops filtering the amonia out of the body, it poisons the brain. Liver patients are always very paranoid and often can be very mean, and down right dangerous. Luckily my dad did not get dangerous, but he was very mean and paranoid. He had control of the finances up until the last couple months of his life (all part of his paranoia), we almost lost everything, and as it is, he left us with almost 50K in his personal debt that my mom had NO clue about. We still cant figure out what all the debt is from... Now we are going through dementia with my grandfather. Its a really really bad time, and when its over its such a mixture of feeling great sadness and loss, and huge relief for them and us that we are no longer living in the weird hell that is caring for a failing and dying loved one.

 

[robot]

Ak5 - I'm sorry you are experiencing all of these things... *hug* It must be very difficult to go through -- not only for your grandpa, but for you, too. Please know you are not alone. Everyone on earth has parents, grandparents, guardians that will one day pass on.

It was hard looking after my mom. Although she didn't have dementia, she did have a slew of medical problems. Medical problems that also required a laundry-list of medication that made her incoherent most of the time. Other times, she was high off the medications because many of them are being notorious for being very addicting.

I think the feeling of helplessness overwhelmed me the most. Knowing there is really nothing you can do for them, but trying to be there as best as you can and left to watch as it all happens. Made me feel useless and like a failure. It hits closer to home when you know their quality of life is nearly diminished. My mom, for example, was an incredibly active person growing up. However, her medical problems prevented her from really doing anything. In any case, I believe a person should never have to die alone... I loved my mom so much, and for all that she sacrificed for me, the least I could do is be there.

It's never really easy, I hate to say... Just know that you aren't alone. There are also valuable lessons to be learned, with any life experience. You learn about the fragility of life, the essence of time, and how to sacrifice for the people you love the most.

 

[allanh]

I have being a geriatric doctor for a couple of months.
Has your grandfather have stroke in the past? What age is he currently? Is a family history of Alzheimer's disease? Any Parkinson's disease features (blank face, drooling, shuffling gait, slow movements, rigidity....etc)? Has he had falls? Does he have urinary or faecal incontinence?

Visual hallucination is a common symptom of Lewy body dementia (you can google that one up) , but it is often associated with Parkinson's disease.

I suggest taking your grandpa to see a geriatrician or neurologist, get his memory formally tested.... sometimes in the early stages, you can use medications to slow the progression of the memory loss process.

 

[SofiasMami]

My late grandmother and grandfather had dementia before they died and my 93 year old grandmother still living in New York has dementia. It's pretty horrible. It's not something I would wish on anyone. Having a system of support is very important. My grandma has also taken medications to slow the progression of her condition. Good luck, I definitely know what you're going through-

Teresa

 

[Badjedidude]

The men in my family (on my dad's side) have almost all had problems with Alzheimer's.

Doesn't bode well for MY future.

 

[Brian]

I see it in patients, and I've seen it in friends' spouses. It's an ugly business and a bad way to go.

I've often heard as a statistic that 50% of dementia caregivers (ie, loved ones providing care) die before the relative with dementia does, from the stress.

Sadly, I cannot offer any sound advice for dealing with it. Try to find relief care services, so that you can get out and get a break when you need it. Sometimes the state can provide this.

 

[Ak5]

Thank you for your comments.

He has been professionally diagnosed completely. With the rate that he is going they say he soon won't even be able to put his clothes on by himself.

I know the best thing for me to do is listen to him and do what he says, but he's just, annoying. I understand his situation completely, it is not his fault! But still, the stress gets to the entire family.

When going out shopping he usually talks very loud and completely ignores the basic rules of socialization. He argues with his wife in the store, he talks about random things, picks up random conversations with random strangers, etc. It is very embarrassing.

Well, we'll just have to do our best.

 

[Jilted John]

You shouldn't have to be going through this at you age Ak, it's not your problem.But If your grandfather is living with your parents,then I suppose you have no choice.

I had to watch my father being reduced from a proud,clean,independent man to what he became in the end,it wasn't easy for me,and I'm 60! You have my full sympathy,although it doesn't change the situation.

I have no intention of becoming a burden like that to my child or grandchild.

All the best.
John.