Everyone keeps reinforcing my self hate

[Fvantom]

Im always being told to love myself, and Im realizing its WAY easier said than done =/ even when Im around people, nobody really seems to be happy to see me, nobody ever really makes an effort to talk to me at all, I have to go and find out everything myself, I rarely ever feel welcome around my "friends", Im always being made to feel like second best.

How am I supposed to love myself if nobody else does?

 

[Callie]

I think you have it backwards.... If you can't even love yourself, why should anyone else?

 

[Fvantom]

I dont think so....when youve had nobody to turn to for years and nobody seems to care, its not so easy to just up and love yourself

 

[Callie]

I dont think so....when youve had nobody to turn to for years and nobody seems to care, its not so easy to just up and love yourself

I disagree. When you don't like yourself, when you don't love yourself, when you don't accept yourself....you project that onto others even without being aware of doing it. Therefore, with those projections, no one else is going to love you either.

 

[Fvantom]

its not as easy as you may think...

 

[Callie]

its not as easy as you may think...

Considering I do the same honeysuckle, I know exactly how hard it is...

 

[ajdass1]

Maybe it makes it easier to love yourself if other people love you. But there's plenty of evidence to the contrary. One of my best friends only just started to love herself, despite having a loving and supportive family and friends, being beautiful and talented, etc. It's not rational - there's no arbitrary amount of love you must receive in order to start loving yourself.

I think the best course of action is relentless self-improvement. Anything - go to the gym, take up an instrument, start taking a life drawing class - dedicate time and energy to learning how to improve in that area. It does take a long time and a lot of effort - but it will give you a lot of pride and confidence. That doesn't necessarily equal self-love... but it's a **** sight better than nothing.

Anyways, that's my philosophy. Brute force it by going out and taking action, pouring time and effort and dedication into bettering yourself. Of course it's not easy... but that's why it's worth doing.

 

[Ak5]

I dont think so....when youve had nobody to turn to for years and nobody seems to care, its not so easy to just up and love yourself

I disagree. When you don't like yourself, when you don't love yourself, when you don't accept yourself....you project that onto others even without being aware of doing it. Therefore, with those projections, no one else is going to love you either.

Yah. This

 

[Fvantom]

for the record I DO like myself, I grew up hating myself due to being put down my whole life, Im not some self loathing miserable ass, Im just having trouble seeing myself as positive, but I cant just sit there and pretend to be happy because that makes everything worse

 

[ardour]

I dont think so....when youve had nobody to turn to for years and nobody seems to care, its not so easy to just up and love yourself

I disagree. When you don't like yourself, when you don't love yourself, when you don't accept yourself....you project that onto others even without being aware of doing it. Therefore, with those projections, no one else is going to love you either.

Rubbish, or at least only partially true, you are making excuses for the clique crowds and their lack of interest in those deemed not good looking enough, funny enough, popular enough, arrogant enough etc. People are superficial - that's more often the reason.

sheesh even the lonely aren't allowed to moan about... they really can't win.

 

[Okiedokes]

I agree with what everyone else said. Step #1 though, realizing the put downs aren't true or are far fetched. People can be mean, especially kids. Being positive is a different mindset, it doesn't make you a different person. Perhaps your friends don't act really happy because they are uncomfortable and can sense that you aren't feeling real happy, maybe they don't know how to respond. I'm sure they care and just want you to be happy.

 

[Fvantom]

they dont truly care or want to see me happy, most of the people Ive encountered just want to change me, they tell me what I have to do to be happy and it always involves changing who I am, and thats not gonna happen

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Never say never...man

K...lock yourself in your own prison then. I dont give a fresia.lol

You're always changing.
You havnt alway been this way.
You wernt borned a miserable chump.lol

So dont be telling me Bullshit that you can never change and havnt changed.
The truth of the matter is...you have, had and always will.

You can go deeper if you want. Youll change like that too.

 

[Fvantom]

did I ask to be judged? I dont think so....

if you really think Im some "miserable chump" you obviously arent reading anything Im posting. I dont want to change because I like who I am. Sure I may be depressed but Im a great person and neither you nor anyone else is going to tell me otherwise.

 

[ardour]

did I ask to be judged? I dont think so....

if you really think Im some "miserable chump" you obviously arent reading anything Im posting. I dont want to change because I like who I am. Sure I may be depressed but Im a great person and neither you nor anyone else is going to tell me otherwise.

Good on you. All you probably lack is that assertiveness in person. Don't let anyone criticize you to your face like that. If these "friends" don't want to include you in their get-togethors, focus on finding some better ones and tell them to go to hell next time they try to speak to you.

 

[Fvantom]

did I ask to be judged? I dont think so....

if you really think Im some "miserable chump" you obviously arent reading anything Im posting. I dont want to change because I like who I am. Sure I may be depressed but Im a great person and neither you nor anyone else is going to tell me otherwise.

Good on you. All you probably lack is that assertiveness in person. Don't let anyone criticize you to your face like that. If these "friends" don't want to include you in their get-togethers, focus on finding some better ones and tell them to go to hell next time they try to speak to you.

thanks, Ive been working on that lately, Ive come a long way over the last few years, I used to be everyones *****, doing anything I could just for some contact with other people, now Im at least demanding some respect

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You said you cant change and dont wanna change....
So Im just reinforcing your self hatred

Errr....wtf do you mean?
U wrote about happiness.
And you said you dont see yourself being happy or that's not going to happen.
Thats what you said in your own words.

So...how in the fresia did you get from that into jungmental bullshit?

That's crazy man.....

Err...since I agreed with you...Now you wanna go and wanna be happy and honeysuckle.

Make up your mind FFS.lol

---

look dude...

Your leanding how to filter out stuff and refocusing.
It's not what I wrote it's how you process it.
You can trun it inward and using it against yourself.
Or you can simply just filter what I say out...just toss it out if it's making you feel bad or negative
about yourself.

At the sametime you must also learn how to filter out or toss out those negative
inner vioce or thoughts about yourself

Then you simply intuitively refocus your attention to positive things about yourself.

Over and over again. We live in accordance to what we belief.
What we think and feel over and over again are our beliefs.

The negative messages that you had heard or processed from your life experince
are stored in your sunconsious mind. Those thoughts and feeling gets triggers
sometimes through associations. Our subconsious mind dosnt decifer the data.

It is up to us to consiously filter out data from our subconsious mind (the negative stuff)
As we also filter out negative data from outside sources ( other people )

Now simply use the same process to help you. Feed your mind with positive messages
about yourself. Over time this will also get store into your long term memory bank.
Positve message will pop into your head. Happy thoughts....
See yourself as being happy. Feed that into your mind daily.

We begin to see things differently. We begin to feel differently.
We begin to act differently. We begin to live differently.

This is how we change from the inside out. Lasting positve changes.

 

[Fvantom]

you have no idea what youre talking about....I dont want to be someone Im not to get some false happiness. ugh, whats the point, youre not gonna understand anything I write....Ive already blocked you so dont bother posting here anymore

 

[DigitxGeno]

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and you weep alone.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

The negative stuff comes up a lot sometimes.
A lot of times it's like we're almost on autopilot as we run with the negative
thoughts or self talk.

I used to wear a rubber band or something significient to me on my wrist.
I snap the rubber band to snap myself out of it...To reaweaken myself.
Then start thinking positive stuff and telling myself positive stuff about myself.
Thats why some people wear a cross or a ring. It's a simple reminder.

If you'll simply take 5 mins per hour everyday to think positive about yourself.
Make a commitment to yourself. Get proactive.
Tell yourself youre a good, sweet, loving, adorable person...anything positive.
And also FEEL IT. FEEL the happiness. Allow yourself....

Dont worry about how you act....
Our thoughts are the CUASE
Our actions are the EFFECT.

You'll simply be in grace to what you believe....positive or negative.

There's always going to be 2 end of the stick.
When you feel negative feelings coming on...simply recognize it.
Then reshift your focus to positvie stuff about yourself.
This process will become faster and faster as you go through the learning curve.

---

K...of course you blocked my ass.

Yol live in denial...

And i called you on your bullshit.

---

What you want is a PITY MOTHER FUCKEN PARTY.