Excuses, excuses and people who side with it

[Naleena]

I see things have been busy since I've been gone and I have to say, it really gets under my skin that some people believe that vicious people should be "protected" when they attack others or demean them. That's bullshit. I don't care how much pain they are in..it's no excuse. Some child molesters are in pain. Perhaps they should be protected and the children left to thier abusers? Or at least not hold them accountable? Lets not forget Hitler lost his mom to cancer while under the care of a jewish doctor. No doubt there is pain there. Perhaps we should have let him kill every jew ...without saying a word.
Or perhaps forgive a rapist by ignoring his crime and ask him if he has been feeling down lately?

People talk about pain here....well, I have had a lot of pain too. While I wish it could have been reserved to such things as most people ***** about, I assure you it is far more darker and cruel. If anyone can pull the 'I was hurt" card, it's me. But ya know what? I am not what happened to me and I don't look for anyones pity or ask them to take honeysuckle off me because I was hurt or am hurting. It's one thing to look for help and it's another to hurt others. If you know how it is to hurt why then would you hurt another?

Letting people who ignorantly attack others slide would only serve the aggressor. What about the people who didn't do anything who come to this forum? Screw their rights in the name of being nice to an *******?

Oh but, that aggressive person hurts?...yeah, we ALL hurt. ALL OF US. There isn't a corner market on pain here. And if putting them in their place and standing up for what is RIGHT and the rights of another drives them away or pisses them off ...then so be it.
So you guys do what you want but, if I see anyone getting attacked...even if it means my banning from this forum (as if I give a honeysuckle)...I'm standing up for them. No one is going to mistreat someone who didn't ask for it and have me stand by and condon it or worse yet, ignore it.

 

[Steel]

A good post, and the views on it mirror my own.

 

[Haven]

Naleena I like your style.

 

[Spare]

It's good to hear from you again, Naleena!

I absolutely agree with this. As I've stated here before, I try my best to live by the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have done unto you". It seems simple enough to me. Another phrase I've always supported is "don't dish it out if you can't take it". If you think about it, these two philosophies go hand-in-hand. If one is cruel to another, they shouldn't be surprised to find that cruelty flung right back at them IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE GOLDEN RULE.

There. Philosophical permission to stamp out a flamer. Enjoy!

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Hi Nalee, I miss you.

The word she/he is interchangeable.




Now that you know how manipulators push your “buttons,” let’s turn the tables by examining the typical motives
of manipulators. This is one way to help level the playing field between you and those who manipulate you. After all,
if the buttons that you show to the outside world mark you as an easy target for manipulation, shouldn’t you learn to
spot a manipulator by identifying his or her motives? In so doing, you may be able to head off a manipulative relationship
before it gets going.

However, spotting a manipulator is not always easy. Even if you are “on” to his or her motives, there are obstacles. Recognize,
for example, that part of the skilled manipulator’s presentation is that he often covers or disguises his motives from
others. He may be quite intentional about doing so by deliberately misrepresenting his reasons for saying or doing certain
things in relationships with others that are, at their core, manipulative in nature. Sometimes manipulators may even lie to themselves about their true underlying motives. This increases the difficulty of exposing a manipulator. It is one thing to uncover manipulators
who lie to you; but when they lie to themselves, it makes the lies they tell you more believable or credible.

Regardless of whether a manipulator is conscious or intentional about his motives or not, the negative impact on the
target or victim is essentially the same. What Makes Manipulators Do What They Do? Manipulation exists because it works. The best way to stop a manipulator is simply to disable her tactics—make her manipulation ineffective because you stop complying with
her demands, desires, requests, or subtle or overt pressure. When manipulative tactics stop being effective in
advancing the ends of the manipulator—when you stop being a mark and transform yourself into a harder target for
manipulators—the manipulator’s tactics likely will change. Quite possibly, the manipulator will disengage from the relationship
altogether and seek a new mark or victim. Manipulators can be compared with water running downhill,
always seeking the path of least resistance. The reason is not any more complicated than this:
Manipulators do not want to have to work at manipulating. It comes easily and naturally to them. They do it because it
is easy—because you make it easy.


2. The manipulator has strong needs to attain feelings of power and superiority in relationships with other
people. She wants the control she seeks over others to be acknowledged and validated. The victim’s compliance
with manipulative tactics is the acknowledgment and validation the manipulator seeks.

Paradoxically, this need springs from strong underlying—sometimes unconscious—feelings of
inferiority and low self-esteem. The manipulator’s low self-esteem is frequently hidden by outward layers
of personality style and presentation characterized by what looks like bold self-confidence and even
an inflated or grandiose ego or sense of self. This is the paradox of the manipulative personality: She
operates out of low self-esteem but with an inflated or strong-appearing sense of self-confidence.
In fact, the manipulator’s strong need to exert and demonstrate power and control over others arises
from the underlying strong need to compensate for feelings of inferiority and inadequacy. The manipulator,
who has contempt for people like herself, consciously rejects these weak feelings.

The manipulator views power as finite. In other words, there is not enough power to go around for
her to share or to acknowledge and respect your right to be empowered to make decisions and to attain
control in your own life. If you are empowered to any degree, this represents less power for her.

The manipulator views power as a zero-sum game. This means that there is always someone who
wins by attaining, maintaining, and exercising power and control over others, and there is always someone
who loses by ceding control to the winner. There is no room in the manipulator’s model of human relationships
for a win-win scenario where power is shared or where everyone comes out gaining or benefiting
from a given interaction.

If you attempt to exercise power and control—even if it is just over your own decisions and behavior—the
manipulator will feel threatened because she needs all the power that is around to get. If you exercise power
in your own life, then from the manipulator’s standpoint, you are taking power away from her. She therefore
will feel compelled to take immediate retaliatory steps to regain control.


3. Manipulators want and need to feel in control. Blahahah...blaaaaa...etc..lol

 

[EveWasFramed]

A good post, and the views on it mirror my own.

I happen to agree with Naleena as well. As everyone likely knows, I seem to get my fair share of flack for warning people to behave themselves (yeah, you know which thread I'm talking about). I don't hesitate to close a thread, delete a post, or ban a chatter, if I feel they are causing harm of any kind to other members in some way. Yet, sometimes, it seems that no matter how hard you try, you are going to piss someone off - sometimes it's the very ones you are defending. One minute, I'm being "too strict" and the next, I'm "not strict enough". It seems that everytime I defend someone, or stop hurtful behavior, I paint a big, red bull's eye on my forehead.
It seems like it fruitless at times I suppose. Meh.

 

[Twitchy]

Oh but, that aggressive person hurts?...yeah, we ALL hurt. ALL OF US. There isn't a corner market on pain here. And if putting them in their place and standing up for what is RIGHT and the rights of another drives them away or pisses them off ...then so be it.
So you guys do what you want but, if I see anyone getting attacked...even if it means my banning from this forum (as if I give a honeysuckle)...I'm standing up for them. No one is going to mistreat someone who didn't ask for it and have me stand by and condon it or worse yet, ignore it.

That's certainly fair and reasonable. I've done similar things during past internet excursions and I applaud anyone willing to take up the sword and shield.

Although you'd might as well go ahead and start with me. I'm sure I'll say something deeemed terrible eventually. Not because I necessarily want to be Evil Boy, but because the part of my brain that censors strong opinion and truth appears to be broken.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Although you'd might as well go ahead and start with me. I'm sure I'll say something deeemed terrible eventually. Not because I necessarily want to be Evil Boy, but because the part of my brain that censors strong opinion and truth appears to be broken.

I try to judge a person's intent when deciding how to handle a given situation. Did they mean to hurt someone? Were they just deliberately belittling someone?
Every situation is different. And there is nothing wrong with have strong opinions - just as long as you realize they are just that - opinions. There is a HUGE difference between disagreeing with someone and lashing out in anger at them.

 

[Estreen]

Finally, some sense.

Nice to see you back around these parts Nal.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I happen to agree. I paint a big, red bull's eye on my forehead. It seems like it fruitless at times I suppose. Meh.

Maybe, if you paint bull's eye on your head lights, you might bare more fruits

 

[Spare]

A good post, and the views on it mirror my own.

I happen to agree with Naleena as well. As everyone likely knows, I seem to get my fair share of flack for warning people to behave themselves (yeah, you know which thread I'm talking about). I don't hesitate to close a thread, delete a post, or ban a chatter, if I feel they are causing harm of any kind to other members in some way. Yet, sometimes, it seems that no matter how hard you try, you are going to piss someone off - sometimes it's the very ones you are defending. One minute, I'm being "too strict" and the next, I'm "not strict enough". It seems that everytime I defend someone, or stop hurtful behavior, I paint a big, red bull's eye on my forehead.
It seems like it fruitless at times I suppose. Meh.

As far as I'm concerned, you (and the others) are doing a great job, so keep up the good work!

Oh, and about the bullseye on your forehead; just remember that you're rubber and they're glue...

 

[luciddisconnect]

Senseless cruelty has always sickened me. So the bully suffers too? Yeah. So what?

I agree with Naleena's post entirely. I don't know all of the conditions for why certain people have been banned, but I've always felt that all of you moderators have spoken calmly and rationally and I appreciate your work in allowing this site to exist as a haven for those of us that have happened upon it.

 

[Sodium]

It's good to hear from you again, Naleena!

I absolutely agree with this. As I've stated here before, I try my best to live by the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have done unto you". It seems simple enough to me. Another phrase I've always supported is "don't dish it out if you can't take it". If you think about it, these two philosophies go hand-in-hand. If one is cruel to another, they shouldn't be surprised to find that cruelty flung right back at them IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE GOLDEN RULE.

There. Philosophical permission to stamp out a flamer. Enjoy!

Exactly. "Treat others as you want to be treated."
No one has the right to be an ass and then expect everyone else to be nice in return.

 

[EveWasFramed]

A good post, and the views on it mirror my own.

I happen to agree with Naleena as well. As everyone likely knows, I seem to get my fair share of flack for warning people to behave themselves (yeah, you know which thread I'm talking about). I don't hesitate to close a thread, delete a post, or ban a chatter, if I feel they are causing harm of any kind to other members in some way. Yet, sometimes, it seems that no matter how hard you try, you are going to piss someone off - sometimes it's the very ones you are defending. One minute, I'm being "too strict" and the next, I'm "not strict enough". It seems that everytime I defend someone, or stop hurtful behavior, I paint a big, red bull's eye on my forehead.
It seems like it fruitless at times I suppose. Meh.

As far as I'm concerned, you (and the others) are doing a great job, so keep up the good work!

Oh, and about the bullseye on your forehead; just remember that you're rubber and they're glue...

lol, did you just call me rubber??

 

[Spare]

A good post, and the views on it mirror my own.

I happen to agree with Naleena as well. As everyone likely knows, I seem to get my fair share of flack for warning people to behave themselves (yeah, you know which thread I'm talking about). I don't hesitate to close a thread, delete a post, or ban a chatter, if I feel they are causing harm of any kind to other members in some way. Yet, sometimes, it seems that no matter how hard you try, you are going to piss someone off - sometimes it's the very ones you are defending. One minute, I'm being "too strict" and the next, I'm "not strict enough". It seems that everytime I defend someone, or stop hurtful behavior, I paint a big, red bull's eye on my forehead.
It seems like it fruitless at times I suppose. Meh.

As far as I'm concerned, you (and the others) are doing a great job, so keep up the good work!

Oh, and about the bullseye on your forehead; just remember that you're rubber and they're glue...

lol, did you just call me rubber??

Well... Yeah. But in a good way! Boing-Fwip!

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