One doesn't get to choose their own family, they do get to choose their friends, however. I haven't had any problems with friends. Especially real friends, and mature ones. Immature are -- well -- immature. I haven't had many, and certainly wasn't ever hanging out much with any of my friends.
I'm showing you a few examples of my everyday life. Now I wonder, is that normal for a family or for a group of friends? Is life always about being diplomatic, watching for every word you might say wrong, being constantly worried about doing one tiny detail wrong?
Sure, I wouldn't worry if it's someone I don't know or if it's someone I'm not much in touch with, like a random stranger, a bartender, a hairdresser, a boss etc. But how about the loved ones? Your family? Your friends? Your spouse?
Examples:
Person1 buys person2 a present, nothing special, no occasion, just like that. And it's something simple, say chocolate bar, cheap necklace, etc. Person2 then wants to pay for it, despite it being a present. Person1 won't accept any money, and then they start to fight about it.
Or. Person3 wants something from a shop and asks person4 to get it for them. Person4 brings it and then person3 pays for it. Say it costs 7.79. Person3 will "pay" with a 10. Person4 will then return the change (3.00), but person3 won't accept it, saying it's too much. After 5 minutes of quarreling, person3 then finds 0.80 and give it to person4. Of course that's off by 1 cent, and then they'll fight about that 1 cent for 10 more minutes.
Or. PersonA makes a derogatory remark towards personB or accuse them of doing things they didn't do. And not really jokingly, either. Just for own pleasure or so. I don't know. Anyway, personC then asks personA to behave, and then personA runs away, whining, how they're unwanted and in everyone's way. Then of course, both personB and personC ask them to come back, continue to chat or whatever, however, it might as weel turn into everyone shouting at everyone.
Or. PersonD did something wrong 20 or more years ago. PersonE then makes fun of and whine constantly (maybe not daily, but certainly at least once a week) about that thing they did. This often (especially if third person is present) turns into previous scenario.
Is that normal for a family? How about for a group of friends? Is it normal that one must constantly worry about saying something wrong? Is it normal that one must carefully think before answering, and that the answer must be very diplomatic one. And that's not just about some important things, it happens daily, about even most everday things like eating, going to the bathroom, sleeping, etc. Why diplomatic? Because every answer you give will offend and upset someone. If you, however, refuse to answer or just don't say anything (not ignoring the question, just not expressing an opinion about something (and not when asked about one)) is wrong just as well and people get upset again.
Is it normal that they're so stubborn that they will deny that they're sick even when it's obvious standing 10 metres away? So stubborn that they want to do everything by themselves. When asking whether I can help them with anything I get brushed off. Then I just tell them to call me if they need any help. However, I might get accused afterwards for not helping them. I beg your pardon? How can I know if you need help with certain thing? Should I be like a puppy dog always following you?
I feel useless. And even when I do help, it's quite obvious that my help wasn't needed or even not wanted. That I wasn't much of a help or even did something wrong, etc. etc.
I don't seek pity, don't get me wrong. All I'm asking for is brutal honesty. I've always considered home and family a place where you feel comfortable and relaxed. A place where you can enjoy and have fun. However, all I'm seeing is almost exactly the opposite. Does this happen all the time to a majority or not? Please be honest.
I'm showing you a few examples of my everyday life. Now I wonder, is that normal for a family or for a group of friends? Is life always about being diplomatic, watching for every word you might say wrong, being constantly worried about doing one tiny detail wrong?
Sure, I wouldn't worry if it's someone I don't know or if it's someone I'm not much in touch with, like a random stranger, a bartender, a hairdresser, a boss etc. But how about the loved ones? Your family? Your friends? Your spouse?
Examples:
Person1 buys person2 a present, nothing special, no occasion, just like that. And it's something simple, say chocolate bar, cheap necklace, etc. Person2 then wants to pay for it, despite it being a present. Person1 won't accept any money, and then they start to fight about it.
Or. Person3 wants something from a shop and asks person4 to get it for them. Person4 brings it and then person3 pays for it. Say it costs 7.79. Person3 will "pay" with a 10. Person4 will then return the change (3.00), but person3 won't accept it, saying it's too much. After 5 minutes of quarreling, person3 then finds 0.80 and give it to person4. Of course that's off by 1 cent, and then they'll fight about that 1 cent for 10 more minutes.
Or. PersonA makes a derogatory remark towards personB or accuse them of doing things they didn't do. And not really jokingly, either. Just for own pleasure or so. I don't know. Anyway, personC then asks personA to behave, and then personA runs away, whining, how they're unwanted and in everyone's way. Then of course, both personB and personC ask them to come back, continue to chat or whatever, however, it might as weel turn into everyone shouting at everyone.
Or. PersonD did something wrong 20 or more years ago. PersonE then makes fun of and whine constantly (maybe not daily, but certainly at least once a week) about that thing they did. This often (especially if third person is present) turns into previous scenario.
Is that normal for a family? How about for a group of friends? Is it normal that one must constantly worry about saying something wrong? Is it normal that one must carefully think before answering, and that the answer must be very diplomatic one. And that's not just about some important things, it happens daily, about even most everday things like eating, going to the bathroom, sleeping, etc. Why diplomatic? Because every answer you give will offend and upset someone. If you, however, refuse to answer or just don't say anything (not ignoring the question, just not expressing an opinion about something (and not when asked about one)) is wrong just as well and people get upset again.
Is it normal that they're so stubborn that they will deny that they're sick even when it's obvious standing 10 metres away? So stubborn that they want to do everything by themselves. When asking whether I can help them with anything I get brushed off. Then I just tell them to call me if they need any help. However, I might get accused afterwards for not helping them. I beg your pardon? How can I know if you need help with certain thing? Should I be like a puppy dog always following you?
I feel useless. And even when I do help, it's quite obvious that my help wasn't needed or even not wanted. That I wasn't much of a help or even did something wrong, etc. etc.
I don't seek pity, don't get me wrong. All I'm asking for is brutal honesty. I've always considered home and family a place where you feel comfortable and relaxed. A place where you can enjoy and have fun. However, all I'm seeing is almost exactly the opposite. Does this happen all the time to a majority or not? Please be honest.