Feeling lonely, humiliated and dehumanised

[Cooljohn]

Hi. I'm sorry for not being active in a long time. My work life had taken too much of my time. I was giving my all but in the end what did I get in return, total disrespect.

Sometimes I feel as if the more I give love, kindness, respect to people, the more of the opposite happens to me. This has been going on for far too long in my life and I don't understand why. I feel as if no one seems to really like me or stands up and supports me. I feel as if no one wants to help me although I need help. However, when people want help from me I try my best. I wish that someone can help me with my needs too I don't ask for much. Just a little bit of love, acceptance and respect.

However, I see that nothing happens to hateful, spiteful, disrespectful people. They keep on getting away with it all.

An incident took place recently which has made me realise that I may have to change the way I deal with people. Apparently when one is too kind, caring and loving others think that they can treat one any way they like.

I teach science at a high school. A few weeks ago there was a Poetry Day there. I had previously asked the main teacher who organised the event if teachers can perform as well and the person said yes. Since I was told that people like my singing voice, I decided to do a song that I composed.

On the day, I performed the song on stage. I don't know what I did but the kids went wild. They were cheering on as if a professional was on stage. After my performance, many students praised me about my performance, even days after the show. I didn't hear any student saying anything bad about it. Of course, if they disliked it they won't be afraid to say so. I was the only teacher who performed. Very few of the teachers commented. As a matter of fact, days after the show I noticed many of them looking at me with blank stares or acting a little coldly with me. It didn't really bother me. Last week however, I was told by a few teachers that after my performance, I was being ridiculed loudly in the staff room by a couple of teachers. "What kind of s--t was that?" "Who allowed him to go on stage?" etc. People were laughing with them. No one stood up for me. The ones who told me said that they didn't want to tell me earier because they didn't want me to feel hurt. However, they decided to tell me eventually since it was bothering their consciences. So is that how people see me? As a joke? Both in my work and personal life? All the respect and kindness I've shown to people has now gone out the window. I don't want to do any extracurricular activities at that school anymore since I may be ridiculed again. As a teacher I thought that besides teaching a subject I had to use my God given talents to inspire the students and motivate them. Of course, that was my objective at the show. To inspire a sense of positivity and to let them know that they must tell themselves "I can." Instead of getting support by colleagues, they prefer to drag my name through the mud. I do not know what to do again in my life. All those who are negative, those who are dishonest, shallow, deceitful, unfriendly,spiteful,etc. seem to be the ones who are loved and respected. I thought that like attracts like, what you sow you will reap etc. I don't see it in my life.

I thank everyone who took the time to read my post. I feel broken hearted and I feel as if I'm at the end of my rope. In my life I wish I could connect and make friends with people who would genuinely love and understand me. Not to use me for convenience and when it's time to socialise I'm pushed aside. Maybe I have to come to accept that in life these things are beyond the reach of some people like myself.

Don't worry I'm not the suicidal type. However, if this is how my life is going to continue I do wish one day soon that God would take me back.

 

[Qui]

I'm sorry, your colleagues sound like shitheads, to be frank.
But honestly, if you're motivating students they just need to get over it. I had an english teacher sophomore year that wrote the snarkiest rap and did it for the class, it was great. There's nothing wrong with that. There's no better way to motivate a high school kid than to speak to them in their own language.

 

[20years2many]

I feel the same way- I give so much of myself every day, and I get screwed over for it. I always feel guilty talking about this because calling myself kind, helpful, etc. seems arrogant. I have pretty low self-esteem, so any self-praise is pretty impossible for me. However, I can objectively see that I an more aware of others' feelings and I truly give a **** about more than myself. Whenever I try to help or do something nice, it just ends up screwing things up and pissing other people off. For example, I volunteered to come home from college to cohost an event for a family friend- however, the tech people kept screwing up and turning off my microphone when I began to speak. As a result, I looked like a complete idiot and unprofessional. I was crucified for that incident. I am Indian, and I have a LOT of hatred for the Indian community in the U.S. (which I may explore in another post). Basically I became the laughingstock of the whole community- I heard people say that I ruined the event. These same people pretended to love me when I was doing things for them, getting great grades, looked good, etc. But one technical glitch opened the floodgates for under-the-table comments about how ugly I was, how stupid I was, how undeserving of my family's money I was, etc. As a result of this and many more painful incidents, I am a recluse. I always treated "friends" with respect and did everything for them. Now they only call when they need something from me. I always see pictures of them and hear about them having a great time with other people, but they never bother to call me for anything. I am so sick of putting myself out there and being used. But don't become a recluse like me. You are in a wonderful profession and it sounds like you really connect with your students. I wish I was more open with my teachers, because now I realize that they were some of my greatest mentors. Don't let your colleagues' jealousy/judgment affect you. Remember that you don't live to please them, but to pass on your knowledge and talents to the next generations. Good luck and be strong!

 

[Luna]

Hey!!! maybe they were jealous/envy of you (these teachers) . Maybe they would like to have the chance you had or the voice. ok! Probably you were not perfect like a professional singer but i bet that they couldnt do better than you. If they were laughing, they should try to go there and sing better than you did. But they are cowards and prefer to talk by your back. You shouldnt feel like that!

 

[Sarahlone]

Work environments tend to be very political. You could have performed splendidly however, one or two people had something to say (for whatever reason) and the rest either agreed or said nothing this is the pack mentality and it occurs just about anywhere and everywhere. It is easy for these kinds of behaviors to cause you to doubt yourself and ultimately damage your self esteem. Change your focus, as long as you are happy with your performance and you believe that you have made a positive impact on the students, try to ignore the rest.

 

[jjam]

You just have to realize that adults can be more like children than children sometimes. You inspired future adults, and brought out the jealousy in some so-called adults with your power. I know it will be on your mind for a while, but don't let them move you. Let the students move you. You've done very well.

 

[Luna]

You inspired future adults, and brought out the jealousy in some so-called adults with your power.
--------------
Thats my opinion too.
Dont let them make you feel like you said you are.

 

[Cooljohn]

Thanks everyone for your kind words of encouragement. I feel a bit better now. Yes it's sad when adults act more like children sometimes. It's so scary when they are corrupted by our negative behaviour at times. However, I do admire the children's straightforwardness. They aren't afraid to tell you how they really feel. If they didn't like what I did, believe me, they would have told in the bluntest way possible.

I know that the main role as a teacher is to inspire and motivate kids and to try one's best to be a positive role model for them. I enjoy doing that very much. Especially for these particular children who mainly come from depressed areas with lots of baggage and limited guidance . Many teachers think that they just have to teach a subject alone. That I think is a small part of the vocation.

Qui, I fully agree. What you said sounds interesting. I'll try it in my teaching.

I think that there is too much hatred and envy in the world. People who are trying to do positive things tend to be pushed down whereas the wrongdoers seem to be rewarded continuously. I can't understand it. Some say that this is one of the signs of the end of times. I don't know.


20years2many I'm so sorry that you had to go through those ordeals. No you're not arrogant in recognising your positive attributes. If you strutted around everday and continuously boasted to everyone about how great you are then you would indeed be arrogant, but you don't seem to be that type of person at all. Good luck to you too. By the way, I'd like to pm you but I don't see the option in your post.

Again thanks everyone for your support.

 

[Fulgrim]

I remember my freshman year english teacher who was....animated to say the least. He was pretty funny and tried hard to get on the students good side, attempting to become friends with us. I personally liked the method to his madness and admired the lengths he went to try and get through to us. He was often ridiculed by the students and I remember a few teachers insulting him under their breath as he walked past them through the halls (our class was walking to the library).

Its sad to see teachers ridiculed who should instead be awarded for their dedication to their students and the inspiration they give. Most teachers nowadays are boring and wouldnt consider having a meaningful conversation with a student. Its those few that treat us as more than just kids to lecture at that are truly great. I hope you continue to give your students your all and maybe let it slip here and there that the other teachers insult you to your students....if they are anything like some of the kids I go to school with they will defend a teacher that they respect at the drop of a hat. Good luck!

 

[Rawr!]

Thanks everyone for your kind words of encouragement. I feel a bit better now. Yes it's sad when adults act more like children sometimes. It's so scary when they are corrupted by our negative behaviour at times. However, I do admire the children's straightforwardness. They aren't afraid to tell you how they really feel. If they didn't like what I did, believe me, they would have told in the bluntest way possible.

I know that the main role as a teacher is to inspire and motivate kids and to try one's best to be a positive role model for them. I enjoy doing that very much. Especially for these particular children who mainly come from depressed areas with lots of baggage and limited guidance . Many teachers think that they just have to teach a subject alone. That I think is a small part of the vocation.

Qui, I fully agree. What you said sounds interesting. I'll try it in my teaching.

I think that there is too much hatred and envy in the world. People who are trying to do positive things tend to be pushed down whereas the wrongdoers seem to be rewarded continuously. I can't understand it. Some say that this is one of the signs of the end of times. I don't know.


20years2many I'm so sorry that you had to go through those ordeals. No you're not arrogant in recognising your positive attributes. If you strutted around everday and continuously boasted to everyone about how great you are then you would indeed be arrogant, but you don't seem to be that type of person at all. Good luck to you too. By the way, I'd like to pm you but I don't see the option in your post.

Again thanks everyone for your support.

Dude, let me tell you something. There's a real shortage of good teachers out there, and an even shorter supply of inspirational ones. For serious. All through high school, there's probably one teacher that I can think of that ever inspired me to do anything, and he had a ponytail, beard, and wore rainbow suspenders. A lot of people, especially his colleagues, besmirched him because he chose to be himself, but you know what? He's the only one I ever took anything away from. So just do what you do, be who you be, and anybody who doesn't like it can fresia off.