An archist
Well-known member
I've had an account here for several months now but I never posted, so here's my first hello. I've been freindless since I was 16--I'm 21 now--and I'm thinking that this is always how it's going to be. I used to be in a really bad way. I was terrified to take the bus or to just sit in class with other people around me. The only times I wouldn't feel like a preasure cooker of panic and fear was when I was alone by myself...where I felt such stinging lonliness that I physically felt pain in my heart (I know that sounds cheesy, but keep in mind that I'm a smoker too 
).
I had a pretty miserable existance in highschool but I thought that everything would change once I got to college...Oooh, was I wrong! Things changed alright! All of my social ineptitude and lonliness was brought out all the more after my first semester started. After years of feeling this way I eventually got into therapy and I finally agreed to taking the yummy brain medicine after I tryed to kill myself.
I don't know how to describe my situation as it stands right now. I still never leave my house unless it's to go to school or my shrink, but I don't feel like a scared little mouse when sitting on the bus or in class. Now, instead of fearing people I've beome quite bitter and misanthropic. I got a job at my school tutoring people in German, which I was terrified of doing, but it did help me get used to dealing with people a little bit, although I'm still friendless. I don't know what I want socially right now. I've come to sort of make peace with the fact that I'm going to be alone and awkward around people until I die, which I find increadibly depresing.
Well, this intro is long enough (and turned out to be quite a bummer...sorry about that). I do look forward to talking to some people, with whom I can relate though.
). I had a pretty miserable existance in highschool but I thought that everything would change once I got to college...Oooh, was I wrong! Things changed alright! All of my social ineptitude and lonliness was brought out all the more after my first semester started. After years of feeling this way I eventually got into therapy and I finally agreed to taking the yummy brain medicine after I tryed to kill myself.
I don't know how to describe my situation as it stands right now. I still never leave my house unless it's to go to school or my shrink, but I don't feel like a scared little mouse when sitting on the bus or in class. Now, instead of fearing people I've beome quite bitter and misanthropic. I got a job at my school tutoring people in German, which I was terrified of doing, but it did help me get used to dealing with people a little bit, although I'm still friendless. I don't know what I want socially right now. I've come to sort of make peace with the fact that I'm going to be alone and awkward around people until I die, which I find increadibly depresing.
Well, this intro is long enough (and turned out to be quite a bummer...sorry about that). I do look forward to talking to some people, with whom I can relate though.
