Ok, this is more about venting and remembering I actually feel like this than anything.
Anyway, I've noticed a trend from my outings with (some/most) friends. I never feel like part of the gang, I never have anything to say, or I say stupid things to try to be funny (which is almost never fun for anyone, sometimes I hit the bull's eye). I always ride the subway back home alone, all tipsy and depressed, wondering whether I'm a homosexual. When I get back home, I get pissed off about the smallest things not working (like a song won't start or something). All-in-all, not very nice experiences. I'm contemplating never going out anymore.
The thing about me not talking much is probably because the places we go to are always playing music, and my voice is hard to hear over that. So everyone goes "huh" when I speak. It's hard for me to hear what other people say, too.
Anyway, I feel bad for posting so much bad stuff here, but obviously something's wrong with me, and I'm getting so fed up with this...
Edit: 45 minutes later and I'm not really depressed anymore. Or maybe I'm hiding it. Stupid mood swings. Anyway, I've come up with a new (for me, at least) way of interacting with other people; ONLY concentrate on THEM. Ask questions, follow-up questions, etc. Cover it up somehow so it doesn't seem like an interview. And DON'T try to be witty, but don't be dead-serious either. Note: it should be possible to talk to girls without getting branded as a ladykiller. Any input?
Edit2: depressed again, an hour later. well well.
Anyway, I've noticed a trend from my outings with (some/most) friends. I never feel like part of the gang, I never have anything to say, or I say stupid things to try to be funny (which is almost never fun for anyone, sometimes I hit the bull's eye). I always ride the subway back home alone, all tipsy and depressed, wondering whether I'm a homosexual. When I get back home, I get pissed off about the smallest things not working (like a song won't start or something). All-in-all, not very nice experiences. I'm contemplating never going out anymore.
The thing about me not talking much is probably because the places we go to are always playing music, and my voice is hard to hear over that. So everyone goes "huh" when I speak. It's hard for me to hear what other people say, too.
Anyway, I feel bad for posting so much bad stuff here, but obviously something's wrong with me, and I'm getting so fed up with this...
Edit: 45 minutes later and I'm not really depressed anymore. Or maybe I'm hiding it. Stupid mood swings. Anyway, I've come up with a new (for me, at least) way of interacting with other people; ONLY concentrate on THEM. Ask questions, follow-up questions, etc. Cover it up somehow so it doesn't seem like an interview. And DON'T try to be witty, but don't be dead-serious either. Note: it should be possible to talk to girls without getting branded as a ladykiller. Any input?
Edit2: depressed again, an hour later. well well.