Guys, it really IS a numbers game

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Good god.

Whether or not a person is "fuckable" is different from whether or not they are "datable." Someone can be physically unappealing, and they can be so good on paper that they manage to surpass the male models who would be "fuckable."

You know...the guys that are mostly looking for one-night stands? A lot of girls/women get tired of those guys pretty quickly.

Everything isn't about looks. Yes, looks is a selling point...if it wasn't, there wouldn't be a Justin Bieber or a Britney Spears. But most people value depth rather than vapid surface stuff.

 

[ardour]

Arrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!! You, of everyone here, makes me want to smack some sense into you, or grab that good 'ol club of Eve's :club: and bonk you over the head with it...in a nice way, of course.

Stop....putting....yourself...DOWN!!! For goodness sake if you're so darn arrogant, start a post about all the wonderful, amazing, incredible, astounding things about yourself, brag away, show off!!! Grrrrr....just, please, don't keep putting yourself down because some of us here really think you're someone special. OK? Thanks...that's all.

Was he really putting himself down or was it merely an observation to do with physical characterstics? Self esteem doesn't have to mean deluded.

---

The whole men vs women thing really gets under my skin. Makes me think of nature vs nurture here, and I will possibly ramble about things which I have no idea are related to anything at all but here goes! I was mostly raised amongst females without much of a father figure, I always got along well with women (well, the ones that weren't ******* stupid, but that's not gender specific of course!) and often enjoyed being the only guy in the room for the night on a weekend with no devious intentions whatsoever - genuinely enjoying the company blah blah...

So despite not actually being one, I think I understand women well enough, my empathy dials are constantly set to eleven I don't fard it hard to relate to anyone at all, whatever their crime or sin, I understand it. If you are alive and have any kind of independent thought I can probably relate.

It's good to have you back, but having seen your photo I put it to you that one of the reasons you relate well to women is because they want to relate to you. Not everyone has nice evenly spaced features that default into a pleasant expression; not everyone has had mainly positive experiences, fits into a clique or has some creative/intellectual aspect to themselves that make them appear interesting.

You probably aren't aware of what happens to make you appealing (and hence why these women feel comfortable having you around) and so think it's just about being nice, decent etc.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Arrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!! You, of everyone here, makes me want to smack some sense into you, or grab that good 'ol club of Eve's :club: and bonk you over the head with it...in a nice way, of course.

Stop....putting....yourself...DOWN!!! For goodness sake if you're so darn arrogant, start a post about all the wonderful, amazing, incredible, astounding things about yourself, brag away, show off!!! Grrrrr....just, please, don't keep putting yourself down because some of us here really think you're someone special. OK? Thanks...that's all.

Was he really putting himself down or was it merely an observation to do with physical characterstics? Self esteem doesn't have to mean deluded.

---

The whole men vs women thing really gets under my skin. Makes me think of nature vs nurture here, and I will possibly ramble about things which I have no idea are related to anything at all but here goes! I was mostly raised amongst females without much of a father figure, I always got along well with women (well, the ones that weren't ******* stupid, but that's not gender specific of course!) and often enjoyed being the only guy in the room for the night on a weekend with no devious intentions whatsoever - genuinely enjoying the company blah blah...

So despite not actually being one, I think I understand women well enough, my empathy dials are constantly set to eleven I don't fard it hard to relate to anyone at all, whatever their crime or sin, I understand it. If you are alive and have any kind of independent thought I can probably relate.

It's good to have you back, but having seen your photo I put it to you that one of the reasons you relate well to women is because they want to relate to you. Not everyone has nice evenly spaced features that default into a pleasant expression; not everyone has had mainly positive experiences, fits into a clique or has some creative/intellectual aspect to themselves that makes them appear interesting.

You probably aren't aware of what happens to make you appealing (and hence why these women felt comfortable having you around) and so think it's just about being nice, decent etc.

---

self esteem ? I happen to like myself very much. I do notice though that women don't, so I look for possible reasons why.

 

[7sorrow]

Actually I don't think so. I think people just don't change a lot, therefore they keep trying the same thing over and over again until it works. That makes it a numbers game. You keep staying the same until you find a significant other that either accepts you or is actually into you. I guess that works, but it leaves things too up to chance for me. I think that if a person changed enough, you could get what you want. Or should I say, who. But it's hard to transform. I haven't done it yet myself. But I feel that if I were better, then it would be less of a numbers game if I made myself into what is generally accepted as a "catch". I want to make myself so good they can't ignore me, or if they do, they'll kick themselves for it forever.

Me too! I want to be a "catch"!!!! If only I knew how!

 

[painter's radio]

It's good to have you back, but having seen your photo I put it to you that one of the reasons you relate well to women is because they want to relate to you. Not everyone has nice evenly spaced features that default into a pleasant expression; not everyone has had mainly positive experiences, fits into a clique or has some creative/intellectual aspect to themselves that make them appear interesting.

You probably aren't aware of what happens to make you appealing (and hence why these women feel comfortable having you around) and so think it's just about being nice, decent etc.

Are you saying I am fuckable?

 

[ardour]

Are you saying I am fuckable?

Yes, I think there's a high likelihood you are

 

[SofiasMami]

Let's not muck things up with science and philosophy. Isn't anyone f@ckable after you don beer goggles?

-Teresa

 

[TheSkaFish]

Actually I don't think so. I think people just don't change a lot, therefore they keep trying the same thing over and over again until it works. That makes it a numbers game. You keep staying the same until you find a significant other that either accepts you or is actually into you. I guess that works, but it leaves things too up to chance for me. I think that if a person changed enough, you could get what you want. Or should I say, who. But it's hard to transform. I haven't done it yet myself. But I feel that if I were better, then it would be less of a numbers game if I made myself into what is generally accepted as a "catch". I want to make myself so good they can't ignore me, or if they do, they'll kick themselves for it forever.

Me too! I want to be a "catch"!!!! If only I knew how!

I start by simply telling myself that I am a "catch", that any girl will be lucky to have me and no one's going to tell me different. I don't care how smart or rich or gorgeous or accomplished they are, they aren't going to tell me what I'm worth. The more I think about it, the more I think that's how you have to look at a lot of things, because I think that you subconsciously act like what you think you are. So if you think you are ugly/dumb/uncreative/unattractive/awkward/and so on, you will act that way. That's how it's gone for me, so now I tell myself I am a good thing that has something great.

I read something earlier today on Quora on this subject, and it concluded by saying that "Mates reflect who we are", and that a lot of the time, people are single because they are trying to convince someone to give them two $10 bills for their $5 and wondering why it doesn't work out. Seems like dating is like everything else, to have a chance to get what you want, you have to give the equal amount that you want to get. Some people get by on chance but it seems most people have to actively make themselves into someone worth "catching". I think it's like the "fake it 'til you make it" strategy, where you just keep telling yourself you already are what you want to be, and then your subconscious will start directing you to act that way.