Have You Ever?

[jjessea]

Have you ever knowingly let a person take advantage of you out of sheer loneliness? I have, twice. One just recently.

When someone is manipulating me they actively interact with me and get involved with my life. It's usually pretty obvious, but the ever present shadow of personal isolation disappears for a little while. Once gone, it's like a weight is lifted off of my life, and it's such a relief that I just let the manipulation happen, and even actively participate in it.

I just let someone do this to me and I knew it was going on while it was happening. She was a horrible person in many different ways. But she could be sweet, is very beautiful, and had exactly the type of look that attracts me. The fact the the isolation was gone for a while was a relief, but it was alternatively akin to undergoing an invasive operation, and volunteering to let yourself be paralyzed but not sedated during the procedure.

The situation itself wasn't much more than an inconvenience and a little financially costly, but not anymore than about half paycheck, so not too bad on that account. It was more the acute awareness of how desperate I am, and how little self regard I actually have. That, and just watching myself let someone trample all over me because I'm so alone was just awful.

Are all lonely people easy targets? Or is it just me?

Yeah, prolly just me...

 

[Alyvamp]

Hey! It isn't just you..I'm currently involved in an online relationship with a guy who I met on a game. We've been talking for a year and a half on and off. Recently we have been messaging a lot with the odd Skype call - voice only. He says he likes me and I have very strong feelings for him but I am almost 100% sure he is just playing with me. He has a girlfriend and I actually have a boyfriend, he lives in the US and I'm in the UK. He won't video call, always some excuse and I have few pictures of him - I'm almost sure he isn't who he says he is. Yet, despite all this and even though it causes me pain I still carry on and won't just cut him out of my life like I should. As you say, the worst part is knowing that your letting it happen...

I hope things worked out with you and you made a better choice than the one I continue to make! Like you said, I think the attention at the time is a relief from the loneliness and we can become addicted to it making it very hard to end even if the attention is negative.

 

[Case]

Nope. I'd rather feel the harsh sting of loneliness than have anything to do with manipulative people.

I'm rather militant about this. I don't care how hot a woman is, how much money someone has, or how cool a guy might seem to me. The moment they start with the manipulations, they are dead to me. I don't need that in my life. Ever.

 

[jjessea]

The moment they start with the manipulations, they are dead to me.

Nice!

---

I hope things worked out with you and you made a better choice than the one I continue to make!

I cut her out of my life.

 

[Etain]

Definitely not just you. Although I would say that I was "unknowingly" taken advantage of several times.

The worst was a number of years ago when a close friend of mine died. I fell for the wrong person because it seemed he cared and was there for me. But then he took advantage of me being vulnerable.

 

[Alyvamp]

The moment they start with the manipulations, they are dead to me.

Nice!

---

I hope things worked out with you and you made a better choice than the one I continue to make!

I cut her out of my life.

---

That's good, you made the best decision ^-^

 

[ladyforsaken]

He says he likes me and I have very strong feelings for him but I am almost 100% sure he is just playing with me. He has a girlfriend and I actually have a boyfriend, he lives in the US and I'm in the UK. He won't video call, always some excuse and I have few pictures of him - I'm almost sure he isn't who he says he is. Yet, despite all this and even though it causes me pain I still carry on and won't just cut him out of my life like I should. As you say, the worst part is knowing that your letting it happen...

I'm curious, I hope you don't mind me asking.. you don't have to answer if you don't wish to. So does your actual boyfriend know about this online gamer guy you've been interacting with?
And why do you still carry on even though it's causing you pain that he is probably lying a lot about himself? Is it because he is interesting and you get along very well with him?

 

[Tiina63]

I have allowed people to treat me badly because of being lonely, though I have tried and am trying still to not do this.
I think that a lot of lonely people are easier targets than those who have close connections as we sometimes accept bad treatment so we don't have to be alone.

 

[Peaches]

a few times, I saw that the person was clearly just trying to use me, and yet I didn't back away, I tried to trick myself into thinking that I was being really altruistic but in fact it was just that I wanted human contact so bad.
Lately I cut out contact with all such people, and it took an enormous strength, but at least now (although my loneliness is becoming hermit-like) I have more time to go out and maybe, maybe meet other more disinterested people

 

[Yankeedude252]

Have you ever knowingly let a person take advantage of you out of sheer loneliness? I have, twice. One just recently.

When someone is manipulating me they actively interact with me and get involved with my life. It's usually pretty obvious, but the ever present shadow of personal isolation disappears for a little while. Once gone, it's like a weight is lifted off of my life, and it's such a relief that I just let the manipulation happen, and even actively participate in it.

I just let someone do this to me and I knew it was going on while it was happening. She was a horrible person in many different ways. But she could be sweet, is very beautiful, and had exactly the type of look that attracts me. The fact the the isolation was gone for a while was a relief, but it was alternatively akin to undergoing an invasive operation, and volunteering to let yourself be paralyzed but not sedated during the procedure.

The situation itself wasn't much more than an inconvenience and a little financially costly, but not anymore than about half paycheck, so not too bad on that account. It was more the acute awareness of how desperate I am, and how little self regard I actually have. That, and just watching myself let someone trample all over me because I'm so alone was just awful.

Are all lonely people easy targets? Or is it just me?

Yeah, prolly just me...

I had a situation for several years where there was a girl I really liked, maybe even dipped in and out of love with, and she only used me to rebound from her boyfriends. She always dated horrible guys, they'd abuse her or knock her up and leave her, she'd come back to me, I'd hold her hand through the recovery, and then she'd immediately be with another *******, not to speak with me again until he dumped her. I knew, each time, what was going to happen, and I let it happen anyway. After half a dozen or so of these cycles, a couple weeks ago, she went into another relationship and I told her off. I don't plan on speaking to her again. I'm lonely, but this pain's better than watching somebody you care about get hurt time and time again and not being able to help them out.

 

[Batman55]

Hey! It isn't just you..I'm currently involved in an online relationship with a guy who I met on a game. We've been talking for a year and a half on and off. Recently we have been messaging a lot with the odd Skype call - voice only. He says he likes me and I have very strong feelings for him but I am almost 100% sure he is just playing with me. He has a girlfriend and I actually have a boyfriend, he lives in the US and I'm in the UK. He won't video call, always some excuse and I have few pictures of him - I'm almost sure he isn't who he says he is. Yet, despite all this and even though it causes me pain I still carry on and won't just cut him out of my life like I should. As you say, the worst part is knowing that your letting it happen...

I just wanted to say that some longterm internet rapports can happen, with people completely honest about who they are and how they look, with one or both parties simply too shy or uncomfortable to ever do a video call.

One exception: I would say it might raise an alarm if the person you're talking to does not seem overly shy or self-conscious and you're certain they have the means to video call.