Here Comes Another Shitty Weekend

[RobertJW]

I picked my 13 year old son up to take him to school this morning......I have been planning to take him out for a belated Birthday curry all week......and he tells me he isn't coming because he has "jobs around the house and garden that need doing".

This is, I think, my ex making him do stuff to stop him staying with me.

She knows I have nothing in my pathetic, lonely, crappy existence except my boys staying at weekends, and when I don't have that I have zero. fresia all.

So it's yet another 3 days staring at my computer monitor, and crying in frustration and loneliness.

Sorry about the tone, but I am getting to the point where a terminal illness would be a blessing

 

[davechaos]

My only relief from my two marriages is that I didn't have any kids...but it is also now my biggest regret as I have since found out that I will never have kids.

I can only imagine what she is doing to you in ruining your chances of seeing your son but try and work on the side of you that has other plans for the weekend...those that might include your son when you do get to see him.

Don't worry about the tone...we all have to let off steam at some point.

 

[Minus]

Oh geez, i hope she is not going to play games with your boys to try to make thing difficult for you. I am so sorry.

 

[Robin]

Robert, haven't You got anything You like to do? You got to find something worthwhile to do, where You perhaps could find some friends and maybe a new partner. You can't just sit there and wait!

 

[bookbinder]

Robert, haven't You got anything You like to do? You got to find something worthwhile to do, where You perhaps could find some friends and maybe a new partner. You can't just sit there and wait!

Word. You're an adult. It's your responsibility to be proactive. If you don't want to take her ass to court to protect your custody rights (although I dunno what's preventing you from picking the kid up, as it is your weekend) , at least take steps towards finding someone else. You can't sit around and mope constantly.

I don't want to sound like an advertisement, but have you considered a dating site?

 

[RobertJW]

Yes I have tried dating sites. I am obviously too unattractive as they were a waste of time. I have made contact with a lot of ladies with little or no reply. All I can assume is women in Britain are very very picky.

My weekends with the kids are not court-appointed, I usually have them when they want to come. I suppose I'm being selfish or greedy, but she has them all week, why shouldnt I have them at weekends?

And Robin, I havent got anything I "like to do", and if I did I have no one to go with. I only really have 3 male friends, none of them live close and they are all married and busy doing family stuff. Being 40-something and alone in this day and age is pretty tough.

I was a house husband for 17 years so I have never really been one to mix with others. Its tough to think of places to go where I could talk to people, especially women, without coming across as some kind of weirdo.

I am stuck in a rut and can't see any way out

 

[JustLost]

Yes I have tried dating sites. I am obviously too unattractive as they were a waste of time. I have made contact with a lot of ladies with little or no reply. All I can assume is women in Britain are very very picky.

I don't know how online dating is in Britain but if they're anything like they are here they probably fall under the category of "don't bother". I'm sure some have found good people through them, but it's like finding a needle in a stack of needles buried under a haystack five stories tall.

And Robin, I havent got anything I "like to do", and if I did I have no one to go with. I only really have 3 male friends, none of them live close and they are all married and busy doing family stuff. Being 40-something and alone in this day and age is pretty tough.

There must be something. I just picked up the guitar again after a fifteen year hiatus. I'm convinced doing that saved me from going completely insane. It gave me something to focus on and for awhile it helps me forget my total absence of a life. Maybe that's not your thing but there's bound to be something out there to pass the time with. Art, music, video games, reading, etc...anything is better than just sitting there dwelling on the bad.

 

[bookbinder]

The online dating thing doesn't have to be so hopeless. If you know the secret to online dating, it will work for you.

Online dating is simply a massive speed dating network, except through internet profiles, so it's much faster because you can move on whenever you want, and you don't have to talk to the person and be polite. It's an immediate appraisal, and then move on. So the only way to get someone to stick around longer than 2 minutes is to set yourself apart. If you can't do it by looks, do it by salesmanship.

By salesmanship I mean portray yourself in a way that catches the person's eye. Say something interesting; phrase the same old-same old in a new way. Most people throw up the basic information and that's that- if it's boring, either phrase it so it sounds interesting or mysterious or leave it out.

Take full advantage of online dating- think of it as an opportunity to leave everything you don't like about yourself out of that first impression. I know some of you lonely folks who have used online dating services won't believe me. Try it; you'll come around.

 

[Bluey]

Yes I have tried dating sites. I am obviously too unattractive as they were a waste of time. I have made contact with a lot of ladies with little or no reply. All I can assume is women in Britain are very very picky.

My weekends with the kids are not court-appointed, I usually have them when they want to come. I suppose I'm being selfish or greedy, but she has them all week, why shouldnt I have them at weekends?

And Robin, I havent got anything I "like to do", and if I did I have no one to go with. I only really have 3 male friends, none of them live close and they are all married and busy doing family stuff. Being 40-something and alone in this day and age is pretty tough.

I was a house husband for 17 years so I have never really been one to mix with others. Its tough to think of places to go where I could talk to people, especially women, without coming across as some kind of weirdo.

I am stuck in a rut and can't see any way out

That would hurt yes

Am going to be honest with what I think. You know your lad is 13 and at that age they kinder want to start doing there own thing. It may not be that your ex that has stopped them but just that if they spend all weekend with dad then they lose out on spending time with there mates.

This dose not mean that they love you any less. I mean they would not have no clue about the pain your feeling. If they think of you like I did my dad at that age then they well think that your indestructible and can not be hurt and are unable to take anything the wrong way.

My dad worked away for a long time when I was a kid. He only come home at the weekend. I did never stay in to see him. he would say to me I have not seen anything of you all week why don't you stay in for a bit. My reply was hahahhaha UNLUCKY! SEE you later! thinking about it from your posts I probably hurt hes feeling moor then I could ever know. I had no clue as I had all the little stupid problems that a teenage boy has in hes own mined.

Bottom line was and still is. I have always known that my dad if I should need him was and is still is there if I ever should ask.

Kids do not understand that there dad has feelings as well.

Soon in a few years they well be older and even adults them self. You don't need me am sure to tell you how time can go. Just hold out and have some faith and they would probably be bringing there girlfriends round to meet you be for you know it. It is normol that kids well speed lees time with there mum and dad as they get older.

Now if you do anything stupid there going to be very hurt wither you think they well or not. You would be looking down to this place from up above when they have kids of there own and be thinking I should of stuck around to holed my grandchild.

Make sure you don't just see today but the hole thing and in the future things well get better for you.

As far as the weekends go I hear where your coming from. They can seem long and empty. You are a bright chap. You need to fined away to take your mined of things with something moor to do then just stewing over ye kids. You are suffering with empty nest syndrome. This is common for any parent to go fro when there kids no longer live at home. You just need to relies just cos ye kids are not spending every weekend with you it dose not mean that they love you any less or need you any less. I needed my dad even when I was hurting hes feelings. I needed to know he was there when ever I might have needed him. Just that alone was enough for me to feel a stronger person.

chilzz and try and be Happy.... This is the most important thing in life... You need to fined other things. Your kids well always be there and you have not got that many moor years be for you don't have to go fro your ex and there mum be for you and your kids can see one another..... Have a little faith.

 

[lonelydude]

Another shitty weekend, another few days that every1 cherishes but we despise ... Why does it have to be so? I wish somebody had an answer. If only we had SOMETHING to do...If only we had SOMEONE to do it with ...sometimes it just doesnt seem fair !

 

[samba101]

I'm with Zraskolnikov keep going at the online dating stuff, from what I've gathered from one dating site woman tend not to answer many men's emails, doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, just that it's going to take time before the right one comes along. Become user friendly with other dating sites as well better to caste your fishing line into many pots than one.

I totally know what you mean by another shitty weekend, those weekends roll by and there's nothing to do, you've exhausted all avenues and seem to give up ........... same with me, the only thing I'm looking forward to is the day I die and I'm only 31, many years to come yet, I'd like to pike out and say see you later but that's not going to happen.

As with your son just ask your ex why he has jobs to do around the house when it's your turn to have him. Make it clear that it's important to you to have time with him ......... sometimes we just need to ask.

I haven't tried this yet because I'm overweight and would like to loose the weight first before I meet new people. In our local paper there is a dating section that includes a friends section as well, you advertise for friends in your local area stating what ages are in your bracket, give it go ............ my ex boyfriend thought that it might bring some crazy people to my door, but I saide it was better than being friendless and at least I might be able to go out.

 

[Bluey]

I haven't tried this yet because I'm overweight and would like to loose the weight first before I meet new people. In our local paper there is a dating section that includes a friends section as well, you advertise for friends in your local area stating what ages are in your bracket, give it go ............ my ex boyfriend thought that it might bring some crazy people to my door, but I saide it was better than being friendless and at least I might be able to go out.

I would not let the fact that your overweight stop you and I agree with the last bit that at lest you get to go out and maybe have some fun just make sure you stay save.

I would say it would be easier to lose the weight if your having fun instead of being stuck in and getting depressed.

 

[samba101]

Thanks Bluey that was a nice comment, I know that I'm overweight and that it doesn't matter to other people but for some other reason it matters to me .......... I guess people like you for who you are and not what you look like. I seem to have this phobia about being overweight I mean I feel fine the way I look just not fine meeting people the way I look. Your comment made me see the reason .... guess I'm making an excuse to meeting people. I had a look at a BBW websit (Big Beautiful Women) and there are many guys who like the larger women, was a real surprise to me and I'm glad that there's guys out ther who appreciate a larger size, just that I don't need a man in my life now. Kinda made me realise that I am making excuses at meeting people because I'm scared.

 

[Bluey]

Not just you. I think I do the same with the deformity I have. I look and think how horrible it looks but in reality maybe a nice girl would not be bothered about it. I think that the only person it bothers is me. I am learning this right now Its to easy I think to make excuses up like we both have done huh? I think that we Share something in commen here.

 

[RobertJW]

Thanks for all the advice guys.

On Sunday my oldest son came over with Fathers Day cards from hiom and his brother, and a box of chocs. I was totally surprised. He stayed and watched a movie with me. My daughter blew me off again though, I think I have lost her for good.

So it wasnt as bad as I thought it would be.

Now...........(see my sig)...............

 

[samba101]

Good to hear RobertJW, wouldn't worry about your teenage daughter blowing you off, teenagers tend not to be around their parents during these years and I guess it's not until you get to be a parent yourself that you realise what your parents went through.

Yeah that's one excuse I have Bluey the other one is that I'm not much of a talker and when in conversation I have no idea what to say least of all how to strike a conversation and keep it going, so instead I say nothing. I'm teaching myself how to talk to other people, one skill I never learnt when I was young, and reckon this is the place to start.