How can we be normal?

[Pheenix]

Hahaha, I know what you are thinking, another idiot who tries to exterminate his individuality to fit in.

This isn't what I mean.
We anti-social folks haven't picked up the social algorithms other people have. It's cool, it makes sense. Since we haven't been very social, we don't have the same relationship to sociality that other people have. Sort of like a new music-fan meeting people that all know every single concert venue in town and know all the local bands personally. Is there something we can do about this? I mean, again, it makes sense, and it doesn't mean we are stupid people, but we don't think the same ways socially. We don't have the same ideas of what you go out and do, when to make a joke, when not to, when to leave the establishment and when not to, when to throw a party and when not to, etc.
Is there a way to learn these things, or do you just have to ease yourself in with the people who can accept you until you meet up with the others mentally?

 

[Sci-Fi]

Get out more.

I wish I was more social of a person and were able to do that.

 

[Pheenix]

Yeah. I was just wondering if you could "cheat" since it adds an annoyance to the people you hang out with. But indeed, if it is the only option, you have the right to carry it through.

 

[INTJ]

'Normal' is a setting on a washing machine. It has nothing to do with society. Accept yourself the way you are, then seek out others of like mind.

I never understood the idea of trying to fit into the herd.

 

[Naleena]

Wow. Thats a question. I can be very sociable with a few people. My problem is that I don't see the world as most people do so I seldom fit in. I am eccentric in many ways.
I stay to myself day in and day out. I actually like the space. **** it would be nice to meet someone who gets me....lol

 

[Pheenix]

'Normal' is a setting on a washing machine. It has nothing to do with society. Accept yourself the way you are, then seek out others of like mind.

I never understood the idea of trying to fit into the herd.

This is what I clearly stated in the OP. I am not trying to change myself or disapproving of my personal traits, I simply acknowledge that I am socially UNDERDEVELOPED in the finer corners and would like to try to cheat there since using other people for the development is for them a nuisance.

 

[LGH1288]

If your question "How can we be normal?" is asked in the context of another question "What are some of the successful social skills valued in a civilized society?" I can offer some of the traits I aspire to espouse: (1) politeness, (2) kindness, (3) empathy, (4) patience, (5) tolerance, (6) forgiveness and (7) goodwill. Perhaps think of these as the "Seven Living Virtues" as opposed to the "Seven Deadly Sins". If we strive to keep these seven social skills in the forefront of our interactions with others we might find that most people with these similar qualities would appreciate and embrace, rather than scorn and reject, our desire to establish civil relationships. LG

 

[Pheenix]

Thanks.

The thing is, I have the fundamentals down. It's when you have perfected all the major points of your social-skills, but still have the traits of an anti-social person left, such as a faulty sense of how much humor should be used, or how important socializing is (newcomers tend to exaggerate both).

But I know that this a tricky and very abstract problem, which is why I ask here instead of finding a book (there is none).

 

[LGH1288]

Thanks.

The thing is, I have the fundamentals down. It's when you have perfected all the major points of your social-skills, but still have the traits of an anti-social person left, such as a faulty sense of how much humor should be used, or how important socializing is (newcomers tend to exaggerate both).

But I know that this a tricky and very abstract problem, which is why I ask here instead of finding a book (there is none).

IMO it's always best to be true to your authentic self since you'll want to attract people who value you for who you are. Group dynamics will usually be a guide to what types of behavior the members consider acceptable. But, if you feel certain of the group's behaviors are inappropriate then you should decline to participate and find a more suitable group. Having a sense of humor is always welcome but use humor only when it's appropriate. I also think that most people appreciate wittiness or a good belly laugh but not when it's at their own expense! LG

 

[AncientBard]

This is a bit confusing for me to grasp. Anti Social behavior in sociology and psychology are behaviors that are destructive. Lacking any consideration for others personal or property nor the consequences that can go along with them almost as a sociopath does. I don't know anyone with the exception of Sokratz that exhibits that behavior here. What am I missing? Sorry, I don't mean to be thick headed.

 

[Marik_757]

You don't ... Normal is boring ... being weird is better! =)

As you are trying to open fine your own style to deal with things, don't copy someone else.

 

[Poueff]

Who says what's normal and what isn't?

 

[Naleena]

Is there a way to learn these things, or do you just have to ease yourself in with the people who can accept you until you meet up with the others mentally?

Anyone group who can't accept you as you are, even if you can't "mentally meet up" with them, are arrogant snobby bastards with their heads up their asses IMO. Everyone knows something that another doesn't.
However I will say that everything interests me. I am not afraid to ask about something in passing conversation. I find that most people love to talk about what they know. You can also study things, read books, take classes, etc.

---

We don't have the same ideas of what you go out and do, when to make a joke, when not to, when to leave the establishment and when not to, when to throw a party and when not to, etc.

I don't think there is a set time to leave an establishment or throw a party. Those rules, if they exist, are silly.

 

[ShybutHi]

Is there a way to learn these things, or do you just have to ease yourself in with the people who can accept you until you meet up with the others mentally?

Anyone group who can't accept you as you are, even if you can't "mentally meet up" with them, are arrogant snobby bastards with their heads up their asses IMO. Everyone knows something that another doesn't.
However I will say that everything interests me. I am not afraid to ask about something in passing conversation. I find that most people love to talk about what they know. You can also study things, read books, take classes, etc.

---

We don't have the same ideas of what you go out and do, when to make a joke, when not to, when to leave the establishment and when not to, when to throw a party and when not to, etc.

I don't think there is a set time to leave an establishment or throw a party. Those rules, if they exist, are silly.

---

Nice response Naleena, i agree with what you say there. I think its great that we can easily scrub up on anything we like because of the internet or library's for example, it should be embraced. Infact i think that learning is something that should be done until the end of your life, i think its a shame if a person doesnt ever take an interest in anything.

Also yeah we are not robot's, sometimes we are spontaneous and irrational. There can not be set rules for absolutely everything and not everything should work to a schedule... we are human afterall.

 

[Naleena]

... we are human afterall.

You got it baby! Mwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

 

[ChiCowboy]

'Normal' is a setting on a washing machine. It has nothing to do with society. Accept yourself the way you are, then seek out others of like mind.

I never understood the idea of trying to fit into the herd.

Exactly. I'm not anti-social. I'll talk to anyone. I'm just not a big fan of social gatherings. I never have been. I hate small talk. It seems so pointless to me. I can keep up just fine. It just bores me to death. I'd rather talk about world politics than who's sleeping with whom. Unfortunately, I rarely encounter like-minded people, but that's a whole 'nother story.

---

'Normal' is a setting on a washing machine. It has nothing to do with society. Accept yourself the way you are, then seek out others of like mind.

I never understood the idea of trying to fit into the herd.

This is what I clearly stated in the OP. I am not trying to change myself or disapproving of my personal traits, I simply acknowledge that I am socially UNDERDEVELOPED in the finer corners and would like to try to cheat there since using other people for the development is for them a nuisance.

How are you defining "underdeveloped?" and why is this important to you? What exactly are the "finer corners?" If you're happy being you, that should be the "normal" you're seeking.

 

[queenwindbaby]

Be yourself-that's more than good enough. Suppose we held a convention for all the ppl on this site. Well, as a group, we would all be "normal". Don't ya think? Normal is as normal does. Don't let other ppl label you cause it is only their belief system-not necessarly yours. Tell them to buzzzz off! Variety is the spice of life. It would be a dull world if we were of like thinking. I hate judgemental ppl.

:club:

 

[Sylver]

Exactly. I'm not anti-social. I'll talk to anyone. I'm just not a big fan of social gatherings. I never have been. I hate small talk. It seems so pointless to me. I can keep up just fine. It just bores me to death. I'd rather talk about world politics than who's sleeping with whom. Unfortunately, I rarely encounter like-minded people, but that's a whole 'nother story.

I'm sorry to be butting in here (I rarely crawl out of the woodwork around here..) Am I to understand that the people you hang around with prefer talking about who's sleeping with whom and do *not* talk about anything of any interest?

Personally, I'm rather a social butterfly.. I like everyone and get along with pretty much everyone. That being said, the people I prefer to hang around with are people who are interested in stuff I'm interested in - so our conversations tend to be interesting and educational.

Right now, it sounds like the problem isn't being able to talk to people, but which people you're talking with.

Also, and I know it's counterintuitive, but I've found that asking people about appropriateness or comfort levels makes things much easier and leaves a lot less awkwardness (if at all) than fumbling through it..

For example, I'm a hugger. Specifically, I "randomly" hug *everyone* at various times in a meet or in a conversation. So I make sure people know that, so if there's someone who isn't comfortable with being hugged, I'll know not to hug him spontaneously or by surprise. (Or at all, in certain cases.)

And I'm going to stop rambling at this point.

Hugs, everyone!

 

[ShybutHi]

We need more random huggers in this world!!!

Especially female ones.

 

[ChiCowboy]

I'm sorry to be butting in here (I rarely crawl out of the woodwork around here..) Am I to understand that the people you hang around with prefer talking about who's sleeping with whom and do *not* talk about anything of any interest?

I'm using "who's sleeping with whom" as a metaphor for "gossip," and I'm speaking generally about my preferences, not any particular social event or anyone I hang out with.

I'm trying to convey that I'm comfortable with who I am. Just because I'm not very interested in small talk (gossip) doesn't make me anti-social. I'm somewhat of a misfit, which as I stated, is a whole 'nother story. To me, a positive attitude can be described eloquently using the "Serenity Prayer," especially the part that tells us to accept the things that cannot be changed. It took me many decades to come to grips with my childhood and accept the cards I was dealt. To make that long story short, I'm far too intelligent to have ended up a working stiff, surrounded by uneducated people, but having lived as such, I don't fit in with the "book club" crowd, either. I'm fine with that.

And now I'll stop rambling.