How do people choose someone to hate

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mimizu

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Normal humans hate lonely humans. Like me. If I told someone that I have no friends, they would laugh at me. "You must be a real ******* to not have any friends", they would say. But I'm not an *******, I never did anything bad to anyone. I don't insult anyone, I don't take advantage of anyone... I just quietly live my life trying not to offend anyone. But they still hate me. I was born to be hated. They hate me because I am their punching bag to release their hate on. I am a punching bag because everyone hates me. Everyone hates me because I am their punching bag, whom they can hate. I fall into the category of "non-humans whom it's ok to hate and you shouldn't be friends with them". In other words, trash. How do I stop this? (besides suicide)

Does anyone else feel this way? Please don't post something like "you're not trash", it doesn't help, and doesn't change the fact that for 99.9999% of "normal people" I am trash.
 
Mimi,

First of all, you are NOT Trash! You are a beautiful, unique human being with a lot of intelligence and humor to add to this world!
 
Second, Why do people hate? Because they are WEAK. They hate you for their OWN weaknesses, faults, mistakes, errors, and failings.

Interestingly, they don't REALLY hate you. They cannot handle their own self-hate so they project it outward. Why? Because they are WEAK!!! Humans are frail. We cannot handle a lot of the truth about life, which is that: Life is NOT fair, life is sometimes hard, and we will ALL die. Repeat that. NO ONE HERE GETS OUT ALIVE.

So, what do we do with our lives? Struggle and toil endlessly chasing bits of green or other colored paper, or do we SHARE what little we have, our minds, our souls, our inner beauty, our talents with the world? I choose the latter.

Remember, you are a unique and beautiful child of God. You were fearfully and wonderfully made. Why were you born this way? Why don't ALL of us look like Angelina Jolie and Bradd Pitt? I Don't know, perhaps so that we can all LEARN and not just look in the mirror and see our own beauty all day like Narcissus. You were given a tough hand in life. The challenge is to play the cards to the best of your ability, rather than to throw it down and say 'This hand is too hard, I won't even play.' Because if you won't even play, the only person you're cheating is yourself. Cheating yourself out of the pleasure of the game! And robbing your new friends and neighbors of the chance to play with you and learn from you!
 
usually its just jealousy i think. u have something they want so rather than let u have it they try to destroy it & the only way they can is by trying 2 destroy u
 
Sometimes they are not jealous. But, they might have contempt for people with disabilities, etc. That is hateful and lame.
 
u know i even think theyre jealous then. in a weird kinda way. its like maybe theyre jealous cuz they wish they could be brave enough 2 b different & 2 perservere. a person w/disabilities has a lotta courage 2 go through what they do. & the peeps who h8 em just dont. so theyre jealous of that kinda courage & bravery 2 b different
 
Excellent point. Some people who have diabilities or other challenges in life are SO BRAVE that it might make some cowards angry, so they ABUSE the person with disabilities or who is different. So sad!
 
mimizu said:
Normal humans hate lonely humans. Like me. If I told someone that I have no friends, they would laugh at me. "You must be a real ******* to not have any friends", they would say. But I'm not an *******, I never did anything bad to anyone. I don't insult anyone, I don't take advantage of anyone... I just quietly live my life trying not to offend anyone. But they still hate me. I was born to be hated. They hate me because I am their punching bag to release their hate on. I am a punching bag because everyone hates me. Everyone hates me because I am their punching bag, whom they can hate. I fall into the category of "non-humans whom it's ok to hate and you shouldn't be friends with them". In other words, trash. How do I stop this? (besides suicide)

Does anyone else feel this way? Please don't post something like "you're not trash", it doesn't help, and doesn't change the fact that for 99.9999% of "normal people" I am trash.

I'm not trying to be rude, but maybe you need to change your attitude towards this. If you go around thinking that everyone hates you, it's not a very good outlook is it.
Not everyone you meet is going to hate you, there are some very kind people out there who will give you a fair go.
And if there are people you think do hate you, don't take it to heart or dwell on it, try to look on the positive side, that some people might like you, dwelling on the negatives will only make you bitter and feel sad.
 
I believe that people don't hate punching bags. Punching bags should make people feel better, so why should one hate what makes he feel better?
If you go thinking everyone hates you, most probably you will keep a biased attitude and this may lead you to hate everyone.
I don't know if everyone hates you. Maybe it's just a conjecture.
If I was sure everyone hates me I would examine my conscience before putting the blame on everyone.
 
People fear what they don't understand. They probably are uncomfortable around you and probably think along the lines of "if he has no friends , whats wrong with him? why does he have no friends?". Whether or not they do it consciously I don't know but the way I've always thought of these situations is this: you make them uncomfortable so they hate you for it.

it's stupid but I believe this line of thinking to be true. Now before anyone thinks I'm putting mimizu down, I'll point out that this happens to me all the time and has happened to me several times throughout my life. I've had people in high school (who i'd never once ever spoken too) who disliked simply because I didn't speak. I made them uncomfortable (I heard this second hand, not even from them themselves). That just proved to me how stupid and quick to judge people really are. If you ever tell anyone you have no friends, they look at you with that "what the hell is wrong with this guy" look.

I can't tell you how to fix it but I have some theories:
a) move and start over.
b) try not to let anyone know you don't have friends. change the subject. or lie a little.
c) act like you're not lonely (see point b).

sorry if this doesn't help, it's just my thoughts on the matter.
 
EXCELLENT points, guys! I agree that THINKING other people hate you is in effect, making you hate people. Or at minimum, stand offish. How can you blame a stranger for avoiding someone with 'get away from me, you hate me you want to hurt me' vibes? Also, ever heard of self-fulfilling prophecies? We THINK we are doomed to do something or suffer something, and so we do! The new book 'The Secret' is all about positive mental pictures, to avoid falling into mental traps. There is a great book, Mimi, called 'You Can't Afford the LUXURY of a Negative Thought.' In other words, if we fall into 'stinkin' thinkin' we can't get out of our own trap. Work on POSITIVE vibrations! Also, I do believe in some level of Evolution, even though I'm a Christian. Evolution: AVOID the sick one, unless you want to die! Now, that is VERY difficult even for so-called 'rational' human beings to overcome! And time has proven that we humans are ANYTHING BUT rational! If people avoid you for fear of being 'infected' by your depression, does that make them evil? Or just frightened and wanting to preserve themselves? The priests in Hawaii who had Leper Colonies on the Island of Molokai GAVE THEIR LIVES in service to help sick people. Doctors, nurses, cops, and firefighters do it DAILY. They literally RISK THEIR LIVES to save yours, and help a sick person who might be infected with a deadly disease!
 
Always remember others may hate you but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself.
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate;Only love can do that.
If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.
For the first in my life, I wanted what all wise man say can't last; what can't be promised or made to linger any more than sunlight. I don't want to die without having felt its warmth on my face. Sorry I have been in a very qouty mood! Nothin but love for ya!
 
It's hard to say what exactly is going on in other's minds since it is almost impossible to be able to prove anything without being able to read other's thoughts on a more sub-conscious level than language and expressions. I'd say any reasons you and anyone else can come up probably has an instance in life where that reason is true.

I think I may have felt much the same way as you for much of my life. For what it's worth, I still pretty much feel the same way, but the only difference is that I don't really hate anybody now that I am more mature and aware of what motivates certain behaviors in people and myself (not that I'm saying you necessarily have ever hate/hated anyone for hating you ;)).

The only time I ever seem to get involved with others now is for brief moments where I do simple economical favors for them, like giving someone change for a bus or a quarter for a vending machine. Otherwise, I get pretty much the same negative reactions that you do when i get involved. Usually if I do get involved on a more personal level, I get into a dilemma, where if I don't or do answer a question truthfully the result will be negative (a good example is if someone asks me what I do for fun, when the stuff I do for fun is totally different than what they are willing to accept from me), so I try to stretch the truth or play it off as something more to their liking, realizing later that these people aren't people I should waste my time to be bothered with.

I'm not sure it would be easy to stop others from hating you since it might require that you have some kind of charm control over them. It might help to be more careful with whom you entrust information about yourself with. But, just as well, I think it would definitely help to seek out those people that don't hate you and you are comfortable with, maybe through common interests; or just stop caring about these people as best you see fit to help alleviate your emotional well-being. Or both. Up to you. Crap I wrote a lot...gotta do my homework lol...good luck.
 
Hello there. Prepare yourself for a super-sized post, and don't take anything as a personal attack. Lets begin.

Firstly, for people to hate you, they have to care about you or the issue of concern (about you) to an extent. 'Hate' is a word often over-used. You'd need to tell people a bit more about a few details in your life if you want more accurate advice from anyone here. However, from what you've wrote above, I can give you some advice right now:

Have some self-respect.

You need to learn to respect yourself first before anybody can truly start to respect and appreciate you. This is difficult (but not impossible) if you are deeply seeded in the habit of avoiding confrontation, and not knowing how to say 'No' to someone when they want something from you. A lack of self-confidence and respect is responsible for this. While you may or may not have much in your life to be proud of, you must understand the power of self-acceptance, and learning to say no to things -you- don't want. Learning to say no to things you don't have to do for people to get by is practically the first step in self-respect as it is.

Try and find the positive things about yourself instead of focusing on your own weaknesses, because we all have them. Even the people you've come to hate for making you feel alienated and different have weaknesses, they've just learned not to show it and are fortunate enough to have superior social skills. Social skills can't be taught, only experience with others can teach them to you.. however I know how difficult this step in itself is when only a handful of people have the time of day to listen to what you're saying and show genuine interest or concern in you. As soon as I invent a device to wake modern civilization up from their apathy towards those around them, you'll be the first to know about it. (Note: The previous sentence is ripe for parody.)

Changing behavioral habits are exceptionally difficult and take will-power, but you will notice that you find it easier as you do it, and your mind will thank you for giving it a little extra liberty (since it's so obviously imprisoned within your self-doubt, anger, and anxiety towards society and the world).

You are lost within your mind and it's woes, and have forgotten all about the beauty of life outside what your mind tells you. You've forgotten how to enjoy and appreciate it, as have a good chunk of the world's population, and it's not surprising considering the amount of stress you endure and things you need to do just to survive in the world of today. Outdoor hobbies always make you feel better from my experiences. Ever thought about Photography? Looking through the lens of a camera helps you concentrate on what you're trying to take a picture of, and the more you take pictures of scenery and purdy things, the more you appreciate it's beauty and the better you feel about life. This worked well for people I've spoken to. Even I got a little enjoyment out of it when I tried, up until the point I dropped my camera on a rock.

You also have to learn to let go of things that just aren't important enough to lose sleep over. I'm well aware of the difficulty of the advice I've provided you.. but reading what you've said and the replies you've gotten from it, it seems like changing your over-reacting ways is compulsory for you if you are to ever settle with friends. And you will, in due time, if that's what you really desire.

I wouldn't bother telling people that you have no friends. It portrays like a person trying to gain a sympathy vote. Even if this isn't your intention, that's how it comes across to the general populace. Even if you have no friends, so what? I don't, either, and I live on my own, yet I've learnt to adjust, and taught myself (through simple observation) that I don't -need- anyone in my life caring about me to survive. Just the rescources modern society provides. Bring in a nuclear war or peak oil, however, and I might need to start kissing some backside and making some chummies again to keep ticking...

Just because you don't have friends it does not mean you are a person to be shunned and disregarded. Do not judge yourself so harshly, even if you have been burnt in the past by people putting you down for 'having no friends'. They are not worthy of your time and thought, and nor are they aware that you lose sleep at night due to their actions. They didn't care, so why should you? Disempower those thoughts eating you alive about how inadequate you are. Find that inner strength and start using it to learn to let go of unneeded stress in your life. Start by telling yourself that those thoughts plaguing your mind all the time are just that - thoughts, and nothing more. Also, practice diverting your attention and concentration to something you enjoy any time you are approached with a situation that gets you wound-up (anxious) and that you know deep-down, don't want/need to stress about.

I realize how bad you must feel, as I (believe it or not) have been there, done that. I also realize that I am not you, and will never feel what you feel, but that goes without saying. It's tragic to hear you are suffering, and I hope what I wrote above helped you, even if only a tiny portion of the post. Do not see any of it as an attack - rather, the constructive criticism that you wanted. I can respect what I can relate to, and I can relate to the outcry of anger and desperation I saw in your post. Please keep in mind that happiness starts from within, and as long as you've still got some feelings burning within you, you've still got a good shot at turning your chronic negative emotions into chronic positive ones.

If you like, feel free to message me so we can talk more.

Before I end, may I ask what disability you have? Hopefully not something that could prevent you from exercising, as the more you move around, the better you feel for it. Human beings weren't meant to be the stationary objects we appear to be today in front of our computers. Our bodies are (for the most part) very resilient for a good reason - we're meant to be active. This can be seen in all creatures - The less they move, the more depressed they become.

Good luck with your life's challenges. Hope I've helped in one way or another.
 
Oh, this is an easy one. People choose someone to hate just because of the way they look, act, dress, etc. Most people I know that hate someone rarely hate them for who they are... A lot of times they don't even know their name, they just decide that that dude sucks based off their appearance.
 
lol true DeathDB as for mimizu ..yea i've heard of that happening to guys. I think it's a guy thing...you see if you say you are lonely n stuff you appear weak to them, some guys tend to laugh at weakness in other guys because..socially that's what guys are supposed to do...
laughing at you ..in their minds, will make you stronger..but they really just laugh because it makes them feel stronger..or better

(MAYBE...honestly i have no idea, and that never happened to me....but is it usually males who hate you..or females as well?)
 
jales said:
lol true DeathDB as for mimizu ..yea i've heard of that happening to guys. I think it's a guy thing...you see if you say you are lonely n stuff you appear weak to them, some guys tend to laugh at weakness in other guys because..socially that's what guys are supposed to do...
laughing at you ..in their minds, will make you stronger..but they really just laugh because it makes them feel stronger..or better

(MAYBE...honestly i have no idea, and that never happened to me....but is it usually males who hate you..or females as well?)

Yeah, that's about right Jales. Usually after you go ape honeysuckle and beat their ass in front of everyone, they'll leave you alone though. lol
 
hi there
i m new here but yea
they hate me too because i m taking away their opportunities lol
they just cant punch me because ...
i m too nice o.o
*kicks*

protect yourself if none wants to protect you ;p
 
Here is how I choose someone to hate...
I hate any competition. All I need to do is look around a room and I can point out a few people that I will hate right from the start without ever meeting them nor giving them a chance.
 
But don't you think they'll figure out eventually you had no friends...and if they do from you slipping up somehow, it'll just make them think you're a liar. I know what you mean though, i don't know how to tell people i have no friends without lying to them and myself...I'm told to be myself but requires being honest even about not having friends. So the question is....to tell or not to tell? Each one has its own down fall. If the person finds out they hate you for lying, if they tell them the truth, theyd hate you anyway...unless you tell them somewhere a long the line and got them to like who you are along the way, you might have a chance...But i would assume it'll change that person's opinion of you and depending on how open minded the person is, even if they liked you in the beginning, they may be turned off by you not having friends and then dispose of you!...which would just massacre your self esteem especially if you liked the person....Then you'd regret no telling themm...A lot of scenerios can play out...wish i was psychic and can look into people's minds before i tell them anything.
 

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