How does a guy deal with a beater girlfriend?

[GizmonicScrewdriver]

Thanks to the people who supported my post.

 

[zibafu]

Do you want to get her punished ?

Cause you can always set up a hidden cam to capture her doing these things if you need evidence, but it all depends on whether you just want out or you want to get her done for this stuff

Bottom line is, leave, no relationship is worth it, if honeysuckle like this is going on

 

[GizmonicScrewdriver]

I am out of the house, just gotta fix the fact two cats are in a bathroom when I have to sleep for fear they screw with the window.
Zib you are mental LMFAO. Like the crazy sister vids.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

Maybe she is fishing for rough sex.

 

[zibafu]

I am out of the house, just gotta fix the fact two cats are in a bathroom when I have to sleep for fear they screw with the window.
Zib you are mental LMFAO. Like the crazy sister vids.

eh ? its not mental, I'm just saying - if you want her to get punished by the law, you need evidence.  If you dont, then just walk away.


Dont know what you mean by crazy sister vids

 

[GizmonicScrewdriver]

It's an old meme. Nothing personal.

 

[Amelia]

My aunt used to yell at and hit her husband and for years he never talked about it because he was too ashamed and felt "unmanly" admitting it. One day, during a fight, she scratched his eye so bad that it went blind. Everyone found out and convinced him to divorce her. Thankfully, he's happily remarried now and has become a successful businessman, but had we all known about the abuse earlier, we would've talked him into getting out before the violence got so bad.

I really think you should see a domestic violence counselor if you're unsure of what to do. They'll help you understand what it is, and how you can get out. It may seem daunting to approach someone at a shelter for domestic violence victims, because a lot of the victims there are likely to be women, but that's only because a lot of men don't seek help because of our patriarchal society. That's why it's really important for you to speak to someone about it.

Hope things improve for you Gizmo.

 

[Paraiyar]

My aunt used to yell at and hit her husband and for years he never talked about it because he was too ashamed and felt "unmanly" admitting it.  One day, during a fight, she scratched his eye so bad that it went blind. Everyone found out and convinced him to divorce her. Thankfully, he's happily remarried now and has become a successful businessman, but had we all known about the abuse earlier, we would've talked him into getting out before the violence got so bad.

I really think you should see a domestic violence counselor if you're unsure of what to do. They'll help you understand what it is, and how you can get out. It may seem daunting to approach someone at a shelter for domestic violence victims, because a lot of the victims there are likely to be women, but that's only because a lot of men don't seek help because of our patriarchal society. That's why it's really important for you to speak to someone about it.

Hope things improve for you Gizmo.

I've kept largely quiet on this discussion but a big part of why male victims don't seek help from shelters has nothing to do with a Patriarchy (which I don't believe we have in the West), it's actually to do with the fact that most of these shelters are run by radical Feminists who are hostile to male victims to begin with. There are just too many stories of male victims calling these places and being laughed at, told that they can't be victims and hung up on by the people on the other end.

 

[ardour]

My aunt used to yell at and hit her husband and for years he never talked about it because he was too ashamed and felt "unmanly" admitting it.  One day, during a fight, she scratched his eye so bad that it went blind. Everyone found out and convinced him to divorce her. Thankfully, he's happily remarried now and has become a successful businessman, but had we all known about the abuse earlier, we would've talked him into getting out before the violence got so bad.

I really think you should see a domestic violence counselor if you're unsure of what to do. They'll help you understand what it is, and how you can get out. It may seem daunting to approach someone at a shelter for domestic violence victims, because a lot of the victims there are likely to be women, but that's only because a lot of men don't seek help because of our patriarchal society. That's why it's really important for you to speak to someone about it.

Hope things improve for you Gizmo.

I've kept largely quiet on this discussion but a big part of why male victims don't seek help from shelters has nothing to do with a Patriarchy (which I don't believe we have in the West), it's actually to do with the fact that most of these shelters are run by radical Feminists who are hostile to male victims to begin with. There are just too many stories of male victims calling these places and being laughed at, told that they can't be victims and hung up on by the people on the other end.

Male victims generally are acknowledged, it's just that most feminists think men should organize and fund their own shelters (women's dv shelters receive taxpayer funding of course...)

 

[Amelia]

^ I can't speak about Western countries in general because I haven't lived there very long. I did however spend some years in Australia and worked with the social sciences department as a researcher, and found the patriarchy problem to be quite common. We had to call regular people all over the country and we found that men were too ashamed to tell people they were being beaten by their female partners for fear of being viewed as a "loser" or "weak".

I have however spent many years in Asia, and men almost never report domestic violence. I was involved in the social health field as well, so you might say my knowledge of the issue is first hand, if not universal. Again, it was for fear of being seen as "weak", and that "real men don't get beaten by their wives" etc.

If shelters are turning away male victims, then shame on them. I understand how ignorance and bias can lead one to such negative behaviour, but one would think compassion overcomes any of that regardless of the gender/sex of a victim.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't know how it is elsewhere, but around where I live, the reason men are turned away from women's shelters is because the women are scared of men, ALL MEN, that's why women run them. However, that doesn't mean that they are laughed at or told any of the bullshit about men can't be abused, they are given other options. Even if it's just a homeless shelter, because no, men don't generally report domestic violence because of the reasons Amelia said, so it's unlikely anyone is going to make a shelter just for men when there is no calling for them.
Of course you'll have the few ******* bitches that run some shelters that laugh at men, but I don't feel it's the majority by any means. And you'd have that in any situation.

Let go of your **** pride and misguided sense of what a "man" should be and ask for help when you need it, show emotion when you feel emotion, be a human being, instead of a "Big strong caveman." And no, that isn't just for abused men, it's for all men who do those things. There is nothing wrong with being a human being with emotions and problems, it doesn't make you lesser.

 

[morrowrd]

I know I joke, and kid, and goof, 
but this is something that has been happening a lot lately. Her family has died off and mine I estranged after they went all weird politics on me. (Red hats, uck..)
What do I do, where do I go? I mean the political climate against men at the moment is very touchy at the least.

She just hits, and hits. then takes a walk and comes back and yells at me because I didn't figure out it was settled.

If things become complicated like this, extract yourself.  Chemistry, and/or being in love mean the relationship will be effortless. If there's a ton of effort like your's appears to be, do yourself a favor.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Men are less likely to report, not because of patriarchy. Its ignorant to say/support that. Stop crying patriarchy in everything.

Reasons:

1. it is seen as less serious.

http://www.thehotline.org/2014/07/22/men-can-be-victims-of-abuse-too/

2. often denied help from NGOs

https://nationalparentsorganization.org/blog/3977-researcher-what-hap-3977

3. in some countries, there are no laws protecting such rights for men.  Legally, only a male can be the abuser and the female can be the victim.

http://ccs.in/indias-law-should-recognise-men-can-be-raped-too


4. in almost every place, there are lesser help/support systems for men than for women.
For example 18 organisations offer refuge or safe house provision for male victims in the UK - a total of 70 spaces, of which 24 are dedicated to male DV victims only (the rest being for victims of either gender). For female victims, there are nearly 400 specialist domestic violence organisations providing refuge accommodation for women in the UK with 4,000 spaces for over 7,000 women and children.

5. On at least 120 occasions in 2010 a caller decided not to consider a refuge or safe house because they were too far away and would mean having to completely uproot their lives, often having to leave their children and their job behind.


-------
The top reasons why men don't leave abusive relationships are:
1. concern about the children (89%)
2.  marriage for life (81%)
3. love (71%)
4.  the fear of never seeing their children again (68%)
5.  thinks she'll change (56%)
6. not enough money(53%)
7. nowhere to go (52%)
8. embarrassed (52%)
9.  Doesn’t want to take kids away from her (46%)
10. She threatened to kill herself (28%)
11.  fears she’ll kill him (24%)

Male victims (29%) are over twice as likely than women (12%) to not tell anyone about the partner abuse they are suffering from. Only 10% of male victims will tell the police (26% women), only 23% will tell a person in an official position (43% women) and only 11% (23% women) will tell a health professional.

http://new.mankind.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/30-Key-Facts-Male-Victims-Mar-2016.pdf

 

[DarkSelene]

3. in some countries, there are no laws protecting such rights for men.  Legally, only a male can be the abuser and the female can be the victim.

http://ccs.in/indias-law-should-recognise-men-can-be-raped-too

Yep, my country is the same.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

I've been sexually assaulted twice. Once by a female police officer and once by a female manager at work. I don't mean harassed. I literally mean assaulted. When I reported the police officer, her boss told me "Good luck with that." and when I asked a few coworkers about the manager, they said "You should feel lucky. She's hot."

It's a man's world, huh...

 

[Amelia]

Men are less likely to report, not because of patriarchy. Its ignorant to say/support that. Stop crying patriarchy in everything.

The idea that men are more dominant and powerful than women is exactly why male victims of domestic violence don't reach out for help. This is why they feel embarrassed. This is also why female victim orientated shelters judge and don't take seriously male victims. The same idealogy.


At least this is what I understand from it. I could be wrong. Sorry Gizmo, for taking the focus away from your main query. I hope your situation improves.

 

[GizmonicScrewdriver]

Maybe we should drop this, I didn't mean to set off a storm. I think we all made our points. And I think we should just step back and think about what those points were. But in a forum like this, it was irresponsible to add more weight.

I have been under a lot of stress and on top of that just losing my marbles a bit. Though I always played with jacks as they were fun to set as traps to my parent's feet.

I apologize for throwing you guys into my mess, but I am ok now for the time being.

 

[M_also_lonely]

The idea that men are more dominant and powerful than women is exactly why male victims of domestic violence don't reach out for help. This is why they feel embarrassed. This is also why female victim orientated shelters judge and don't take seriously male victims. The same idealogy.


At least this is what I understand from it. I could be wrong. Sorry Gizmo, for taking the focus away from your main query. I hope your situation improves.

Oh so the "women orientated" shelters who stood up to help men and women, (still named women oriented shelters)   basically see that men might be embarrassed/reluctant to ask for support so do nit help them. Ok. Good one.
(And basically the same people would say that they are against patriarchy) hmmm.
I wonder if they would do the same thing towards women who are embarrassed to talk about their abuse. Are they like, "Oh, these certain women feel embarrassed to seek us out, let's take their abuse less seriously"? Or they treat men and women differently by encouraging women to speak up? If the 2nd one is true then, how are they, against patriarchy as you explained? 

 

[kamya]

In my own case I've let maybe one or two people ever know that certain things have happened to me in the past. No details about the different people, or when, or what happened. I think there is an actual block as far as being able to talk about details or even think about it much at all really.

The responses from those few attempts were very noncaring and dismissive. Apathetic. I know it's kind of an awkward subject or thing to bring up among friends but I feel pretty confident I would have had more sympathetic responses if I happened to be born with a vagina. Either way, lesson learned 


I doubt therapy would even really work because it's been so many years and took me a long time to realize that things weren't normal. It's strange looking back and having a "wow i guess that really happened" feeling about certain life events. . That and I doubt I would ever feel comfortable enough with anyone to actually put it all into words and explain what happened. Some things are better kept to ourselves I think. 

As for dealing with a beater girlfriend. My response still would just be to leave.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I've been sexually assaulted twice. Once by a female police officer and once by a female manager at work. I don't mean harassed. I literally mean assaulted. When I reported the police officer, her boss told me "Good luck with that." and when I asked a few coworkers about the manager, they said "You should feel lucky. She's hot."

It's a man's world, huh...

I think even a female would get told that when accusing most cops....well, maybe not since the whole Hollywood thing sparked off, but yeah, some cops seem to have their own rules. 

The other situation about feeling lucky, I've actually heard people say that to women too.