MiKeY said:
Spare said:
I'm 28, and I am also flying Virgin Airlines. Yeah, it kind of mess with you. You wonder, 'what's wrong with me? Why aren't I normal?' Not one single friend of mine from high school graduated a virgin (a few of them graduated pregnant). I was hung up on the same girl in high school, who just happened to be my best friend's girlfriend, and then after high school I just have never found myself in a position to meet women. I don't even know any single women. Not any at all. All of my friends are older than me, and married to boot, so I'm not going to be meeting anyone through them, despite all of their assurances of "don't worry, we'll find you someone".
I went through that phase of 'I just have to do it, I can't miss out on it anymore,' all the while terrified of the prospect (I just KNOW I would do nothing but embarrass myself in the sack). But then one day my mindset began to change. The idea of a one-night-stand, though never all that appealing to me, became downright appalling. I seem to have reached a point in my life where, if I ever do finally get to lose my virginity, it has to be with someone special. Someone I care about, and someone who cares about me. I won't even go to strip clubs, never mind the fact that I've never seen a naked woman in real life before.
I went out for Halloween last year with some friends, dressed (ingeniously I might add) as Santa Claus. At the last bar of the night I was sitting alone at a table, a sad, lonely Santa, watching all these people and happy couples around me having a good ole' drunken time. Then this girl in a slutty leather costume came over and from out of nowhere started rubbing up on me. I was, of course, all thumbs, mentally as well as physically. Eventually she tugged down my Santa beard and gave me a little peck on the corner of my mouth, then wandered off into the crowd. She told my friend a bit later that she'd just wanted to make me blush. What she did was make me feel like garbage. That was the physically closest I've ever been to a woman. It was the most sexual thing that has ever happened to me, and it happened in a disgusting, dimly lit bar filled with smoke and drunken idiots. It was CHEAP.
When it happens (if it happens; I'm beginnging to suspect it may not), It cannot be cheap. It has to be deep, it has to be emotional, and it has to be LOVING. There aren't many guys who will understand this. If I were to discuss any of this with anyone in person, I'm sure the cries of "get over yourself" would be deafaning. In which case I would need a pair of earplugs, because this is just the way it is for me.
This is absolutely outstanding, Spare.... so wonderfully written. I couldn't agree more. Go Spare!!!!
If I may express my opinion, as one who has not had the best luck with women and found myself wondering what was wrong with me as well, most of us do want that special woman. I know there are a few exceptions, but most guys want the "right" one. Unfortunately Miss right doesnt cross our path very often, or if she does, she isn't wearing a T shirt that says, "Hey (your name) I'm here to make your life better". So most of us sit and wonder when she will come along.
Of course we grow more and more primal urge to do what nature wants us to do. Most of us want it and give in to desire and accept something less than ideal. We either take that chubby chic at the bar, the older woman our friend knows or maybe even hire a "professional". Of course we probably don't tell most the whole story, because we feel a bit like why did I have to sleep with a woman 10 years older while all these guys go home to their dream woman. Truth is, as I have learned over the years, most men don't go home to what I consider my dream girl. Most men marry women I wouldn't like. Physical appearance is one thing, and I can understand looking past that, but I am talking about poorly educated, lacking compassion or just being a general paranoid *****. Yet these guys marry these women because they don't want to be alone. You have chosen to hold out for your "right" woman. As you should. Personally I think that if more men did that, women would start to work harder to find a man. Unfortunately no matter how rude, dirty or fat a woman gets, it seems some horny desperate guy will kiss her feet to get her jumbo sized panties off. God bless you for waiting for what you want. I'm 45, divorced and in the process of marring my second wife. I met her working a job and we just happened to hit it off. She is well educated, very low key and to top it off..quite pretty and small and petite (5-3, 100lbs). My first wife was also thin (5-10, 120). I just can't marry someone who doesn't care about her health or appearance. Both of these women were very nicely proportioned but they didn't have to be. I would be just as happy with one that had a few extra pounds, so long as she did not have rolls or look like she hasn't walked a mile in several years. What is weird it seems like in the USA we have either the quite rotund or the very thin. The cute, with a little extra weight women seem to be snatched up. Either that or some of those not to bad category kept growing and have left the cute stage for the roly poly stage. Im not totally sure.
My fiancee is not from the USA. I learned after dating her that she was from Ukraine. No, I didnt go find a mail order bride. For some guys that works, and if so...great, just make sure you know her first. Anyway, as she has taught me and I have learned from visiting her family from back home, it seems the culture supports what you and I look for. The women there seem to want to be desireable to a man.
Dude, your problem isn't you, it's you holding on to your desire to be attracted to your mate. The only reason you haven't found the "right one" is you still expect the right one to be loving, caring and at least be plesant to your eyes (not saying she must be a model, just pleasant to look at). You are not doing anything wrong. Unfortunately so many modern American women think you should be attracted to them no matter what they do. You aren't and have to keep looking.
My only suggestion is this, if you want to get laid, dont tell anyone who you do it with and take someone you don't care about or hire a professional. No, it's not as special as with the one you fall heads over heals for, but it beats self service LOL. If you want to get married, open up your options to other states and countries. Don't think that just because you can't find her in your city you are doomed. Take a trip to Latin America or Europe (some British women really like yanks), try Eastern Europe as well. If you have the money go on a love tour to another place. Even though foreign women scare those of us normal guys a bit, simply because they have some differing views...I think you will find they are not that different once you get to know them, they just express ideas differently. All human beings are pretty similar, its just that when you accept other places, you have more options and there are women who value a man. There are good women in America as well, but they seem to be hiding and hard to find. Those that are easy to find are already wearing some other dudes diamond.
I'm sure you will find someone if you open up your horizons. Just remember there is a woman out there just as screwed up as you are who will be perfect for you
(yes that's my sarcasm...no one be offended please). Maybe she'll have an accent, or maybe she will be from another state. My first one was from OH an I'm in CA. Now I'm marrying one from Europe. You see a pattern here? Whereever she is, go look for her.
Thats my 2 cents worth, take it for what it's worth.
