How to communicate with shy guys?

[dorky76]

Well I will approach this from my own perspective because I am a very shy guy who is in the same age group as you. I very very rarely have girls wanting to speak to me and logically the main reason must be my crippling shyness because I think I can safely say im a nice guy, open-minded and have alot of interests, I also play the guitar quite well, am in a few bands, transpose and compose music and such and have alot of friends too. Also I do even enjoy having deep conversation's with people but despite all this, getting past the first hurdle can take some time because of the shyness.

Personally I would like it if a girl came up and spoke to me whether it was just small talk or not. Talking about the things you mentioned are fine and personally I would welcome any girl who wanted to talk. Ask questions about stuff like what their interests are because then it is something they know about and would probably be less hesitant to speak about it... it would help to make the guy feel more comfortable and talk about other subjects. I doubt you are doing anything wrong as I actually do think most shy guy's would welcome anyone who wanted to talk to them... they just might not be good conversationalists at first.

It can take a while for some shy people to break out of their shell and feel confident with people so just keep that in mind. Also if a guy isnt contributing much to a conversation it doesnt mean that they dont enjoy your company because most of the time im sure they would, its just that at first they find it harder than people who are not shy.

Also if they are anything like me and they have pretty much no relationship experience, they probably wont have a clue if a girl is showing interest. Infact I would love it if a girl asked me if I wanted to hang out because she was interested but I doubt that would ever happen. I think alot of shy guys have this kind of complex where they would never ever assume that a girl is interested in them, not that they could even tell if the girl was interested anyway lol. Sometimes even brutal honesty is the best way forward because alot of shy guys would never make a move purely out of their inexperience or maybe because they might even be love-shy.

your situation describes me perfectly.

I am an extremely shy person in front of female species. Often at workplace, some girl says hello or jokes around like "you have a babyface", my face would turn extremely red (without I realizing myself) and the whole room would start laughing.

This gets worse when I am around someone I actually like. Even her saying hello would be enough to make my heart thump. I would get tongue-tied for no good reason when in a conversation with her.

I guess, in that situation, the only possibility for a girl who is interested in me to make me talk to her is if she makes it really obvious and lead the conversation. I , like many guys in this thread, am hopeless at picking up signs of interest and scared of being hurt or misinterpreting a lady's non-existent interest and embarrass ourselves.

allan, you can overcome your shyness. I am actually a very shy person myself. I never had a problem with just talking to girls but like you I used to be intimidated by girls I was attracted to. I still am in a way, (I have a hard time asking them out, but that is a not due to my shyness) but I am able to hold a conversation with them without any problems.

Next time you see a girl you think is attractive try and find an in with the girl. It is a lot easier if you have a mutual friend make an introduction for you two. If you don't have an in and you just need to talk to her, just say hi. Do your best at holding eye contact, try avoiding turning your gaze away when she is talking to you as it makes you look uninterested in what she is saying. I know its a hard thing to do, but if you force yourself enough times it gets easier and easier. Ask a lot of questions about her, make her feel like you are interested in what she is saying. If you get stuck, just be honest with her. Tell her your normally a shy person and that you are really trying not to be one with her. I can't think of one girl that will say screw you and move on when you tell her that. I'd imagine most think it is cute that you are making a special effort for her specifically and would be flattered.

Just remember a few things though, never try to be someone you're not. If your fake, most people will figure you out pretty quickly. The ones that are usually fake are the ones only looking for one night stands anyways. Also, you have to actually make the effort to talk to her. Don't stand in front of her looking at her and expect her to say something to you or your just going to look like a dork. Just have a natural conversation with her, the same way you would with your mother, sister, or other friends. If there is chemistry, you will know it. If you are both stumbling on what to say, there just might not be a spark between the two of you.

 

[Seventh]

Well, speaking as one of those guy`s, I can tell you that if this is how you handle shy guys, than i`m afraid that you may be going at it the wrong way altogether.

A) First. You should lay off the whole trying to relate to their video game interests and such. I know it seems logical, but.. just don't lol. You might unwillingly make it seem as if its forceful - for shy guys such an approach may come off as condescending. Like, if you started talking with me about video games, sci-fi novels and such, I would probably think that your Bulls***ing me. Like, As an act of pity, on your behalf. So, needless to say, even if that's not your intention, that would indeed become a turn off. Don't you know what they say about boys and their toys? were not autistic, you know. Just shy and a tad possessive .

B) Second. You cant have one without the other, without making the first step. A shy persons appeal mostly revolves around their lack of communication - a factor that for most people implies both insecurity, conformity, and intelligence as one. Simply put, more than anything - it imply`s loyalty, security, and the impression of a profound person. That`s only a stigma, of course. Its not all necessarily true (or even exact). Most of it is probably BS. It can all just appear that way. Take sociopaths, for example. But that`s a different subject. In any case, you cant except a shy person to shower you with text msg`s - you gotta make the first step. And you gotta be clear at it too. Think about it this way, make it personal. Less insinuations, more results. Some are... denser than others, of course. But there`s no going around you having to make the initial steps.

C) Third. Shy people, more than anything, need to be reassured constantly - sometimes even about their own actions. Only at first, of course. Just until you start getting their motor running on its own. But until then, you either take it slow and get to know them without giving up them in the process (which may take a while, if the person is very dense). Or, go really fast, be direct, and see if the person keeps up. You wanna get a shy person? you gotta get with the program!;-)

Hope I could help! feel free to ask more questions, if you want too! Dont worry. I`m shy, but i`m not an idiot.

 

[Polar]

Just be very open about your intentions imo. Sometimes you can give all the hints, a shy guy will refuse to interpret them because of their attitude towards interaction. It's not that they don't GET IT. It's that they will likely convince themselves they're probably imagining things again. They need ~a lot~ to come out of their shelve. And sometimes a very direct approach is the only way. I'm fairly shy myself but I can usually still show my interest if it's there, as long as it doesn't take too long before there are reciprocal and tangible gestures of attraction. For the even shier guys you simply need to grow a pair and reverse the roles of seduction. A shy guy will not pass on a girl who he is attracted to if she comes on to him in a direct manner. He'll be like WADAFUCK IS HEPNING, IS THIS EVEN REAL? (in a good way)

 

[ShybutHi]

Just be very open about your intentions imo. Sometimes you can give all the hints, a shy guy will refuse to interpret them because of their attitude towards interaction. It's not that they don't GET IT. It's that they will likely convince themselves they're probably imagining things again. They need ~a lot~ to come out of their shelve. And sometimes a very direct approach is the only way. I'm fairly shy myself but I can usually still show my interest if it's there, as long as it doesn't take too long before there are reciprocal and tangible gestures of attraction. For the even shier guys you simply need to grow a pair and reverse the roles of seduction. A shy guy will not pass on a girl who he is attracted to if she comes on to him in a direct manner. He'll be like WADAFUCK IS HEPNING, IS THIS EVEN REAL? (in a good way)

Lol good post Polar, I think what you wrote is pretty spot on. If a girl was to approach me in a direct manner I would definatly be "WTF IS THIS EVEN REAL?". lol