I am SCARE!

[Chris 2]

Hey guys

I have one last chance this Sept to make friends or else...well I don't want to think what happen if that not the case. If all things go according to plan, I should have a lot of female friends next year and a very slim chance of a gf, but with that come the party scene and eating in front of girls.

These are perhaps the two things I fear most. I have only party once in my entire life which is pathetic but I did enjoy it. I was really stiff in my dancing with a hot girl, and I should be more relaxing. After overcoming my social anxiety, I will be able to be relax a little more, not sure how much it would come into play. The party scene, it always cross my mind once a day. For a person who just overcame SA, the party scene is my worst nightmare. If it a sex orgy etc... party it gonna be worst for me, because I am still a virgin and it is like a taboo for me, because my parents are against I do, including finding a gf. Since I'm Asian, this is pretty much what my life is like with my parents http://bitterasianmen.com/parents.html

So you can expect that I am entering unknown ground and I finally overcame the guiltiness that my parents have caused in me, so that a first step.

I'm really down right now, I just want to say two quick thing is that it gonna be very to hard for me to bare this hellish college like high school years that once again I don't have any friend, and that will I be able to enjoy my life with the freshman since I have more work as a sophomore and less time, and also people say that freshman year is the best year of college and I don't know if that is possible to be a sophomore and still relive what I miss off my freshman year.

Other that, the longer I am away from Sept the more paranoid I get. For example, I feel used up that maybe this year there were more nicer people than you know the freshman that will come this sept. Little like thing that is killing me inside. I am trying to make this thread the least depressing as I can, so it quite hard to express myself.

The pressure is on more for me because I can't smile, so if I wanted to get notice by girls I have to approach them, and talk to them. That is the only way I can show interested in them and let them get to know my personality which is ridiculously hard because I can't smile. You can say life is unfair, people with SA are so unlucky such as myself, but then life is even worst for me, preventing me the ability to smile and the lack of it esp in front of a stage or something funny, and seeing I can't smile it devastating.

I mean word can't describe how I feel. Being able to smile must be godsend to al l of yous out there. I have no idea what that feeling is like, where people find you approachable, rather than being snuck up or weird, because until I get some form of surgery, I will not be able to experience the joy of smiling, of life itself, and like I said word can't describe how I feel. For example, I could write about my life you know in 40 pages and it still wouldn't describe how I feel, the emotion I am going through, what is tearing inside, how many times I cry at night holding my comforter pretending that it a girl that I could hold on forever. So I'll just leave it at this because the truth is it not possible describe my life my pain, the suffering and certain that trumatize me, my high school year, umm pretty much it just amazing how much crap I go through in life.

If you haven't notice the last few paragraph were from my heart, I type it as if I was talking to you because I feel that even though this thread isn't depressing as it should it, I am still in extreme pain, as I sleep using sleeping pill whenever I can.

And you know waiting for this summer the only I can do to pass the time is play my xbox 360, and pretty much that about it. It not like family has change, so therefore it going to be a horrible summer. I just hope and wish upon a star that thing will change, because I am just hurting inside for so long now that it seem my life is a constant struggle and worry which is not what a child life should be much less an adult and from the article I hope you guys care enough to read it is how a small generalization of how my parent are, because everything in that article is true, but for my parents it is so much worst. So pray for me, I should post up a picture of myself soon, and my biggest enemy is time, and god knows what my future if there is one going to be like.

 

[Bluey]

Chris, You just like to get me reading don't you? and another article from the link that looks interesting

Ok am going to read through this but later..

 

[Bluey]

fresia Chris, I mean WOW! You continue to suppress the fresia out of me. But this time not in such a good way.

Oh God where do I start, there is so much I wont to say to that. OK first I did not know how much perisher Asian mail children where under to do well. I have to say from my coulcher all parents wont there kids to do well but that way you lot do it over there, well to me that's just messed up. most parents just wont there kids to be happy. That in its self makes it so you have to much to live up to. Not good. If I was you I would say look this is me and you take me or leave me and if am not doing as good academically as you would like then deal with it cos I can only do my best. But easier said then done. well much easier for me to say then you to do. Your parents need to step back and give you a break and just love you for who you are. If there unable to do that then you need to learn to not take stuff to hart that they say and do and learn to be your own man and not let other peoples Nero minders get to you.

Ok I have been to a fair few parties in my time and I have never known one to tern into a orgy and I have been to ibiza If it was going to happen it would have happened there believe you me. most ppl are sensible and like to get to know another person a little before jumping into bed together. So I think maybe your jumping the gun a little there. just go to the party to have fun and a chat and hopefully you well get to know girls or lads as friends of course well the lads lol well maybe you need to be friends with the girls first. I mean would you real wont a GF that whet to bed with you the very fist time you meet? just go to any party with the intention of enjoying yourself. I think you put a bit to much perisher onto yourself there. If other ppl have told you what has happened at other parties always remember that ppl like to look good and most guys exaggerate there experiences and what happened or did not happen at this things. IE she sleeped with him. But they would assume that they had sex, er er I don't think so! You well fined there is a lot of made up stuff and over time the truth becomes distorted. The moor parties and clubs you go to the moor you well see this for yourself.

You really was telling the truth about not being able to smile. (I say something about it on another thread) Well I think if there is surgery that can put that right then I would go for it. I am not one for cosmetic surgery but I think it would give you a lot off needed confidence to be able to smile. I can understand why this would mean so much to you. There is a lot of ppl in the world that don't like to smile cos they thing they have bad teeth and think they have a horrible smile. I can imagine you wanting to kick them in the balls for that or something. Have you looked into the surgery and found out how big a OP it is or anything. I would if you have not all ready.

I think your are doing amazingly well to say that you have had this problems. I can image not being able to smile would make it difficult in certain soshol gatherings. Your post is honest I feel and I also feel that you have opened up a lot in that post and that I know you a lot better cos of it. makes me understand where your coming from. I think you probably could have most deffenetly made it a lot more depressing then you did. honeysuckle, I could have if I had been you. But it dose show that your trying to tackle this things in a moor positive way. In other words your fighting back

I would say your doing all the right things. continue to be friends with this girls and have fun and maybe one well become moor then friends. Also continue not to feel guilty cos of the perisher your parents put on you. I still say that's messed up in your society there.

Also I would love to see a pick of you

 

[JustLost]

Two things you might try are thinking positive and staying calm. I know that's a difficult thing to do when you're scared, but it's still good advice IMO. I think there is a tendency for those of us who are socially impaired to "overthink" our situation thereby screwing up our chance to meet people before we even get a chance. I just know my life started to get a little easier when I stopped caring what everyone thought and learned to relax more.

I'm not sure what to tell you about your smiling problem. Can you really physically NOT smile or is it more of a problem with muscle control and the smile just not looking "normal"?

I also wouldn't worry about the party situation. Like Bluey said, most garden variety parties don't turn into sex orgies...or at least from what I recall of my party days from the prehistoric era. Mostly we just made cave paintings and hunted the wooly mammoth.

 

[Chris 2]

fresia Chris, I mean WOW! You continue to suppress the fresia out of me. But this time not in such a good way.

Oh God where do I start, there is so much I wont to say to that. OK first I did not know how much perisher Asian mail children where under to do well. I have to say from my coulcher all parents wont there kids to do well but that way you lot do it over there, well to me that's just messed up. most parents just wont there kids to be happy. That in its self makes it so you have to much to live up to. Not good. If I was you I would say look this is me and you take me or leave me and if am not doing as good academically as you would like then deal with it cos I can only do my best. But easier said then done. well much easier for me to say then you to do. Your parents need to step back and give you a break and just love you for who you are. If there unable to do that then you need to learn to not take stuff to hart that they say and do and learn to be your own man and not let other peoples Nero minders get to you.

Ok I have been to a fair few parties in my time and I have never known one to tern into a orgy and I have been to ibiza If it was going to happen it would have happened there believe you me. most ppl are sensible and like to get to know another person a little before jumping into bed together. So I think maybe your jumping the gun a little there. just go to the party to have fun and a chat and hopefully you well get to know girls or lads as friends of course well the lads lol well maybe you need to be friends with the girls first. I mean would you real wont a GF that whet to bed with you the very fist time you meet? just go to any party with the intention of enjoying yourself. I think you put a bit to much perisher onto yourself there. If other ppl have told you what has happened at other parties always remember that ppl like to look good and most guys exaggerate there experiences and what happened or did not happen at this things. IE she sleeped with him. But they would assume that they had sex, er er I don't think so! You well fined there is a lot of made up stuff and over time the truth becomes distorted. The moor parties and clubs you go to the moor you well see this for yourself.

You really was telling the truth about not being able to smile. (I say something about it on another thread) Well I think if there is surgery that can put that right then I would go for it. I am not one for cosmetic surgery but I think it would give you a lot off needed confidence to be able to smile. I can understand why this would mean so much to you. There is a lot of ppl in the world that don't like to smile cos they thing they have bad teeth and think they have a horrible smile. I can imagine you wanting to kick them in the balls for that or something. Have you looked into the surgery and found out how big a OP it is or anything. I would if you have not all ready.

I think your are doing amazingly well to say that you have had this problems. I can image not being able to smile would make it difficult in certain soshol gatherings. Your post is honest I feel and I also feel that you have opened up a lot in that post and that I know you a lot better cos of it. makes me understand where your coming from. I think you probably could have most deffenetly made it a lot more depressing then you did. honeysuckle, I could have if I had been you. But it dose show that your trying to tackle this things in a moor positive way. In other words your fighting back

I would say your doing all the right things. continue to be friends with this girls and have fun and maybe one well become moor then friends. Also continue not to feel guilty cos of the perisher your parents put on you. I still say that's messed up in your society there.

Also I would love to see a pick of you

Ok so here my picture on photobucket. All I did was edit the color contrast of it.

http://s279.photobucket.com/albums/kk130/DamageX10/?action=view&current=Photo49-1.jpg

This is what I look like in the front and I like my look. It toward the side that you can start to see my face is shape very weird.[/align]

Bluey I am as honest as I can, and there is on other site on the web that I trust the people more than on here. Yes I try to make it as less depressing as possible because I'm just in so much pain right now, there is really no point in discussing it. So I want to show you a situation where I might look like a complete idiot. So I have one class call female physiology which talk about the female organ and body, etc... The class is compose of 95% girls, and yesterday there was a raffle thing for prices. Some guy on the lucky ticket and it turn out he got a diaphram (girl condom or contraceptive) and all the girl laugh and he laugh as well, now wait a second, think about what would happen if that was me up there. I can't smile, and all these girls see that I don't smile and I can't show any emotion or do anything, I think I would probably faint. I would look like the biggest Jackass, loser, idiot, out there, and I wouldn't know what to do. These are things that people don't ever have to consider and why should they? I haven't even heard of anyone who can't smile unless they were physically handicap. I'm just odd, and you can see where I'm coming from.

Two things you might try are thinking positive and staying calm. I know that's a difficult thing to do when you're scared, but it's still good advice IMO. I think there is a tendency for those of us who are socially impaired to "overthink" our situation thereby screwing up our chance to meet people before we even get a chance. I just know my life started to get a little easier when I stopped caring what everyone thought and learned to relax more.

I'm not sure what to tell you about your smiling problem. Can you really physically NOT smile or is it more of a problem with muscle control and the smile just not looking "normal"?

I also wouldn't worry about the party situation. Like Bluey said, most garden variety parties don't turn into sex orgies...or at least from what I recall of my party days from the prehistoric era. Mostly we just made cave paintings and hunted the wooly mammoth.

It more like when I smile, I show no teeth, and I been doing experience lately contrasting myself to other and I still don't know why I can't smile. This also add to why my look is weird because you see I hardly have any top lip and it seem that my bottom lip stick out (reason make fun off throughout my life) and even though it less now, it still there. Can physically NOT smile? Well I think it up to you guys or other people decided that, it more like my jarbone maybe just too close to my lips Or my teeth is either to close or to far up. And now that I think of it, it could be the number 1 reason why I fear eating in front of people and why my mouth feel watery when I read out loud, and it just not natural.

 

[Chris 2]

Here a picture of why I can't smile. Notice that only my bottom teeth is showing.

http://s279.photobucket.com/albums/...on=view&current=Photo51-1.jpg&t=1212624567936

 

[Bluey]

I can see that kinder situation you explained would be awkward. I can even see that if you laugh with out smiling then that could come across as fake. You need to be honest with the ppl around you. Then they would understand why you did not laugh and smile when something like that happens. PPL are a lot moor understanding then you may think. And if someones a jerk about it then is that really the kinder person you wont to know anyway?

OK Knowing you, you are going to probably think am lying here. But I always try to be truthful. Am never nasty with the truth but I do always try and say what I think.

From the links you have given here its very easy to get to the rest of your account there so there for I have seen what you look like with out the distorted colors. If you wish for ppl to not see the picks you have in there you need to edit your posts or have me do it.

I have one thing to say about the way you look, How the fresia can you consider your self ugly man? Really I just don't see it. There are some picks in there where your look real cool. I well be very sorry to hear that you would think am not being truthful here with you. I can see that you don't look that Asian though and I also can see that you do not smile properly on any of them. If that's the most you can smile I would for the reason that you just gave go and get that OP. I think you would benefit from that a lot. I do feel that laughter is one of the most important things in life and if its making it so your unable to Jone in that you need to remedy it. If I was you I would totally go and have it done and I am the sort of person that dose generally think stuff like cosmetic surgery is silly when there are ppl whiting for life saving OP,s Plus I have had to many OP's in my life and I can not see why anyone would wont to put them self tho that if it was not absolutely necessary. But in your case I think it is necessary for your own sanity. I can imagine with a face like that you would have a stunning smile.

 

[JustLost]

It more like when I smile, I show no teeth, and I been doing experience lately contrasting myself to other and I still don't know why I can't smile. This also add to why my look is weird because you see I hardly have any top lip and it seem that my bottom lip stick out (reason make fun off throughout my life) and even though it less now, it still there. Can physically NOT smile? Well I think it up to you guys or other people decided that, it more like my jarbone maybe just too close to my lips Or my teeth is either to close or to far up. And now that I think of it, it could be the number 1 reason why I fear eating in front of people and why my mouth feel watery when I read out loud, and it just not natural.

I took a look at your pics and honestly I really don't think there's anything wrong with the way you look. Look around at other people. Everyone has some sort of distinctive characteristic. For instance, I keep my hair pretty short and it makes my ears look huge.

Are your teeth straight? If not, maybe an orthodontist could help you. I think I'd go that route before contemplating anything else. Braces have come a long way since I had them.

 

[Chris 2]

I can see that kinder situation you explained would be awkward. I can even see that if you laugh with out smiling then that could come across as fake. You need to be honest with the ppl around you. Then they would understand why you did not laugh and smile when something like that happens. PPL are a lot moor understanding then you may think. And if someones a jerk about it then is that really the kinder person you wont to know anyway?

OK Knowing you, you are going to probably think am lying here. But I always try to be truthful. Am never nasty with the truth but I do always try and say what I think.

From the links you have given here its very easy to get to the rest of your account there so there for I have seen what you look like with out the distorted colors. If you wish for ppl to not see the picks you have in there you need to edit your posts or have me do it.

I have one thing to say about the way you look, How the fresia can you consider your self ugly man? Really I just don't see it. There are some picks in there where your look real cool. I well be very sorry to hear that you would think am not being truthful here with you. I can see that you don't look that Asian though and I also can see that you do not smile properly on any of them. If that's the most you can smile I would for the reason that you just gave go and get that OP. I think you would benefit from that a lot. I do feel that laughter is one of the most important things in life and if its making it so your unable to Jone in that you need to remedy it. If I was you I would totally go and have it done and I am the sort of person that dose generally think stuff like cosmetic surgery is silly when there are ppl whiting for life saving OP,s Plus I have had to many OP's in my life and I can not see why anyone would wont to put them self tho that if it was not absolutely necessary. But in your case I think it is necessary for your own sanity. I can imagine with a face like that you would have a stunning smile.

Thanks for being truthful Bluey. I didn't realize people could see all my picture from there. Hmm I guess I don't know how to use photo bucket properly. OK Bluey so you seen my good picture, and I haven't show why I think I am ugly. You see I am still stock why I look ugly because I just my front view. If you look at my face toward the side in a 180 degree view I look horrible, my face is criket etc... so here it is proof that for some reason GOD didn't finish his job right and that why I look OK on the front but toward my side I am ugly.

Here my pic for all the proof: http://s279.photobucket.com/albums/...on=view&current=Photo55-1.jpg&t=1212705782708

It look worst without the blueprint

Now Bluey tell me what you think now. I can't believe I don't look good on the side or as decent as on my front.

 

[Bluey]

I really can not tell from the blueprint dude. I think your being way to hard on yourself as for as you look. I tell you what I should do and that is post some picks of my body and my back and my leg. You would not think that you had so much of a problem if I did that. See my body is really quit deformed. I tell you what I do. When I reply back to the monster PM you have sent me lol You well have to give me some time there BTW, But I well also forward a blog I did about my health to you. I think 3 ppl on here have seen it. Well you can make what you well of it but I well forward the link to you when I reply to you in the PM.

You did not need to delete all the picks out of your photo bucket. You can post images as well as the links and keep the rest of the stuff privet in there simply by going to your account options in there and changing your account to privet. Or if you just wont to show someone an image you could up lode it to this sight. I actually prefer to use photo bucket but that's just cos am used to doing it that way.