I am so mad right now I can rip someone's head off.

[Badjedidude]

This is going to sound mean, but that statement is dumb. It's like you're basically, "You should just be happy with what you have and not want anything better than it."
Well, you know what I have...nothing.

You're reading quite a lot into a simple statement by discolemonade.

She was simply saying to appreciate the small things in life. Things like being able to breathe. Like having ******* eyesight, poor as it may be. Things like being able to pet stray kitties or watch a blood moon rise.

I don't recall discolemonade ever mentioning that people couldn't want better for themselves.

She was just saying that it's NOT NECESSARY to HATE yourself to want something better for yourself. You can appreciate what you have and STILL work to make things better.

And I guarantee that you DO have something positive in your life, njlonelydude. You're just not looking with the right mindset.

 

[discolemonade]

You're alive.

You have a job.

you have friends.

Start small. DO you have a place to live? do you have food to eat? Do you have enough money to support yourself?

you dont have nothing. dont give me that

 

[njlonelydude]

You're alive.

You have a job.

you have friends.

Start small. DO you have a place to live? do you have food to eat? Do you have enough money to support yourself?

you dont have nothing. dont give me that

Yes, I agree with you that my life could be much worse. I'd hate to be living in 3rd-world conditions.

With that said though, that line of thinking doesn't work for me -- my brain doesn't work that way.

IDK, maybe it means I'm a ******* ******* for not being able to "appreciate the small things."


One thing I do know is that nothing will get better. Some people are meant to fail, and I am one of those people. I could've succeeded earlier in my life, but I've messed up so many times that even God doesn't care anymore.

 

[discolemonade]

You want things to get better, right?

 

[VanillaCreme]

No you don't, however, don't expect people to just put up with however you feel like treating them. People don't have to deal with you or your seemingly bad attitude towards things. You can't possibly expect people to bare the weight on your shoulders because you throw it at them.

I don't treat anyone badly.

I didn't say you treated anyone badly. I mean in any type of way. You may have an attitude with people, and you don't even know it. I know I used to be that way. Attitude for no reason. Didn't even know. When I grew up, I stopped being like that, and not just because I was older, but because I realized there was no reason to be like that.

Take a day to yourself, and think over things.

 

[Badjedidude]

One thing I do know is that nothing will get better. Some people are meant to fail, and I am one of those people. I could've succeeded earlier in my life, but I've messed up so many times that even God doesn't care anymore.

WRONG.

You're victimizing yourself and refusing to take responsibility here.

The simple fact is that YOU are responsible for your own happiness or sadness, not some magical cosmic belief (or unbelief) in God or fate. If you wanna be ******* happy, it's up to YOU to change your outlook and go out and MAKE yourself happy.

Anything less is just you sitting in your comfy victim's seat and blaming everything around you for your difficulties.

 

[njlonelydude]

You want things to get better, right?

I bet you $1,000 (a bet I can actually honor) that nothing will get any better. But I don't have to worry about losing any money since nothing is going to improve.

WRONG.

You're victimizing yourself and refusing to take responsibility here.

The simple fact is that YOU are responsible for your own happiness or sadness, not some magical cosmic belief (or unbelief) in God or fate. If you wanna be ******* happy, it's up to YOU to change your outlook and go out and MAKE yourself happy.

Anything less is just you sitting in your comfy victim's seat and blaming everything around you for your difficulties.

Okay, great, thanks for telling me that. I did mention someone might be bringing up a point like this in my second post to which my reply is "maybe it's my own weakness," so I guess I'm too weak to fix anything.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Well NJ Dude if you won't tell us specifically what you think is beyond repair, we can't tell you if your judgement is correct or a product of a cognitive distortion.

 

[Badjedidude]

Okay, great, thanks for telling me that. I did mention someone might be bringing up a point like this in my second post to which my reply is "maybe it's my own weakness," so I guess I'm too weak to fix anything.

No you're not.

Stop dissembling and face the issue.

There's nothing stopping you but your own attitude. And attitudes can be changed.

 

[discolemonade]

we cant fix your problems for you. If I could perform some magic that would make you life better Iw ould, but I cant.

I'm not sure what you want from us.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Aaaand this is the attitude I was talking about.

 

[njlonelydude]

we cant fix your problems for you. If I could perform some magic that would make you life better Iw ould, but I cant.

I'm not sure what you want from us.

I'm not asking anyone to do anything for me. I'm only stating the facts.

 

[Badjedidude]

I'm not asking anyone to do anything for me. I'm only stating the facts.

Nope. You're stating your viewpoint of the situation.

That isn't fact; it's opinion.

 

[Chancy]

You have my sympathies, njlonelydude. Sometimes I feel that way too.

Buy a punching bag and beat the honeysuckle out of it.

Not a permanent solution but I think it would relieve the tension if only for a little while.

 

[njlonelydude]

I've calmed down now, but that doesn't change how I feel.

I go through this a lot where I get incredibly angry or incredibly depressed, then a few hours later I get over it.

I'd really like someone to talk to, someone I could trust to tell all this honeysuckle too. Even on this anonymous forum, I don't trust anyone enough to go into any details. And if I can't open up here, how am I supposed to open up in real life? Who will be understanding of me, and listen to me...and will I be able to trust them?

This honeysuckle consumes my life. I said in my second post I have trouble sleeping because of it...that's completely true. In fact, I'm unwilling to move my life forward (financially for example) because of it.

To anyone saying I need to help myself...I do not know what I can do.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I know that you said no way you'd see a therapist, but perhaps you should reconsider. No, they won't be able to solve your problems, but at least you're exchanging fees for services and, by law, they aren't allowed to share personal information about you with anyone else, so no need to worry about them sharing your thoughts or feelings with anyone else. At least it would be someone you could vent to a little, and possibly gain some insight to whatever it is that causes you to feel the way you do. Sometimes, we can't see ourselves as clearly as we think and need to speak to someone who is knowledgeable and has possibly spoken to others in similar situations.
One other thing that might be of use....
There are plenty of resources on line and in libraries (books) that you might consider making use of. No, what you read won't miraculously change your life overnight, but it just might help you to get a better handle on some of the emotions you're dealing with.

It appears that you want something different or better for yourself, and you have some anger, born out of frustration I believe. If you suppress that anger long enough, at some point, it's going to all come out and likely in a very negative way.

Good luck and I'll leave you with a quote, used by this very forum's creator....


"There are no answers. There are only Choices." (From Solaris)

 

[tehdreamer]

Keep looking for a new job. Plug applications and resume's like there's no tomorrow. Visit job fairs. Once you get a new job lined up, you'll feel free to quit the crappy one you have and move on. Getting away from a boss that makes you feel like crap will be a huge step in the right direction.

Move away from your family. Find a roommate, get an apartment. Keep limited contact with those who make you miserable. Again, staying around people who make you feel bad about your life and about yourself will only hold you back. Same for your friends. Spend less time with them and practice not falling for their sob stories and woes. Some people will drain all the life out of your with their problems then never have any time or care when you're going through stuff. Don't let it happen.

These things may take time, a lot of time.. But once you break free, you'll be able to better appreciate what you do have in life. In turn, you'll gain a more positive attitude and be able to project that to others. It's easier to make good friends and develop relationships when you're not walking around with a cloud of depression or anger hanging over your head.

It's ok to be angry or depressed sometimes in life, especially when bad things happen. But if you let it consume you, there's nothing left for anyone to see but those negative feelings which can be intimidating to people who might otherwise attempt to be in your life.

 

[njlonelydude]

I don't think I was meant to be a loser. I'm a pretty smart person, and I think I have some charisma. And while I'm not athletic, I have the speed and endurance to play any sport. Hell, I don't suck at all of them, just most of them, lol. I also have tons of energy. I hear a lot of new parents say that their kids tire them out, but if I had a kid I'd easily tire the child out. I'm also a funny guy, even though my jokes can be really ******* sick or avante-garde. I'm also a creative person, and I'm really good at figuring things out. On top of that I'd say I'm an attractive person (on my worst day I'm a 7/10), and couple with my personality traits that makes me an easy 11/10. It's also obvious that I'm not humble at all...I'm definitely an arrogant person. I also have an anger issues to go alongside that. But at the end of the day I'm probably someone worth keeping around.

But in summary, I do have some things going for me...so why am I like this?

Well, here's the only way I can explain it:
Some time ago, something died inside me. I'm not sure when it happened, or what caused it -- all I know is that ever since then I've been feel constantly helpless, hopeless and worthless.
I do not care about anything, especially not myself. That is why I'm content to waste away and complain.

People are going to say that it's my fault for not doing anything about it -- well, what should I do? If something is dead inside me, how do I resurrect it? Are there any good voodoo practitioners who can take care of this problem?

 

[VanillaCreme]

It's your muddy water attitude about things, and life, and things in life that drags you down. Nothing else.

 

[SofiasMami]

Hi-
I don't have a magic solution to your anger problem and I think trite advice is just not going to work for you.
I only know my own life experiences also include getting pooped on by people I trusted. It happens to everyone.
I agree with Eve that you may want to reconsider getting a therapist. Shop around for one. Find someone who you think you can connect with. What do you have to lose? It's true that they are prohibited by law from breaking confidentiality, so you at least have that going for you.
Good luck and keep us posted. We're here to listen, even if you feel like you have nothing to say.

Teresa