I don't know what's wrong with me

[lawrencepa]

I don't know what makes me so unlikable. I have a few acquaintances which some of them used to be close friends. My confidence plummeted in early adulthood and has been this way for past 5 years and I'm 26 now. Before I was outgoing I had women in my life and had an active social life. Now I have hardly any energy to go out and I'm scared of certain social situations such as parties. What I do know for certain is I'm introverted, have low self esteem and I have bipolar (I've had manic episodes which I'm on medication for, not sure about being depressed). I'm just fed up of letting life pass me by. I wish I could communicate confidently again. It's pointless online dating as I couldn't charm anyone right now. I'm fat with average looks facially but I don't think that's enough to get a girlfriend. I need a personality too. I want to do more with life rather than just watch it pass by. I get too anxious to go out and date or for parties. Basically I hate meeting new people. I'm terrified of heights, speeches and I have a lot of anxieties regarding my future. I think I have it worse than everyone because everyone I meet comes across as well rounded compared to me and I don't know how I can learn to accept myself or at least improve my social skills

 

[Despicable Me]

I think I have it worse than everyone because everyone I meet comes across as well rounded compared to me and I don't know how I can learn to accept myself or at least improve my social skills

You can start by not comparing yourself to other people anymore. The single worst thing anyone can do for their self-esteem is to compare themselves. It is just as harmful as cutting yourself or any other self-inflicting behavior.

Comparing yourself to others is pointless and deceiving. You think they are happier, more rounded, and have their entire lives put together but you really don't know that. It's just something you believe because you're trying to justify why you feel this way to yourself. Trying to rationalize that you really are inferior, when in reality pretty much absolutely no one has it all together. Almost no one is well-rounded. They just cope better than you do, because they have different personalities and different situations which allowed them to cope.
I'm not sure what your circumstances are, but you said you used to be a lot better at socializing so somewhere along the line you stopped coping. Something began to bother you. Something began to bother you a lot.
Figure out what that something was and deal with it in a real way. Face your fears.
In the meanwhile, just stop comparing yourself. There is no point to it at all. It's just an excuse to continue wallowing but that wallowing is nothing but a vicious and harmful cycle. You need to escape that cycle so that you have the time and energy to deal with the real issues.

I guess that is just my opinion, anyway.

 

[yip]

Just wondering, did you just graduate from college 5 years ago? (since you were 21 then)
The first thing is to find something you're good at, or at least something proactive you're not really good at but you enjoy doing. A sport (table tennis), building/making crafts, drawing, writing, exercising, group fitness class, reading, etc. I've read in a text called "Six Myths about the Good Life/Thinking about what has value" by Kupperman that you achieve immediate, but temporary pleasure from doing passive activities, that actually degrade into negative feelings the longer you do that activity (such as watching tv). However, participating in an activity that requires you to showcase/train your ability would motivate you to keep doing it.
An interesting quote from the text that explains it better than I do..

". . people most value experiences in which they have carried on a
sequence of skilled activities and have been caught up in them, as the
book's title suggests.3 The activities could be musical, athletic, artistic,
intellectual, involve furniture-making, etc.
These are active pleasures, generally requiring alertness; and they have
some interesting connections with a person's sense of self. Genuine skills
need to be acquired, a process that often involves effort, so that they represent
achievements. There then has to be a background element of pride
in being absorbed in skilled activity. The pride contributes to self-esteem."