I feel like I can slip into a very dark place...

[Dabnis_Brickey]

I have been drinking... Not a whole lot but enough to give me a nice buzz. This is very scary considering that my father, grandfather, and several other relatives have drinking problems. Of course, I have said that I don't want to be like them - said I don't want to be a drunk. Lately, though, I have wanted to drink more and more to numb the pain. To quote one of my favorite songs "Drink like the answer to the problem is at the bottles bottom". I don't find the solution in the first bottle, maybe it is in the next...

Scary place to be right now.

 

[Locke]

Its easy to start and hard to stop, and it won't kill the pain forever. Is it loneliness that is driving you to drink? Come to this forum and post more often, maybe it'll help.

 

[quintus]

For a little while one is less alone when slightly drunk. Reality becomes more bearable when the guardian in between your pre-conscience and your conscience is sleepy. That is not less an illusion than the rest of life. But it's only temporairy, of course. I wouldn't mind being constantly in a kind of stupor- if the hard fact life could be kept at bay. But it can't. And the collision of agreable dizzyness and the sober social reality is always tough to bear. Of course it was meant rhetorically and you know you won't find the answer in the next bottle. Considering the fact that alcoholism can be genetic, your last phrase is more than understandable.
Hopefully you did not try to look for answers in a bottle of hard liquor. Distilled stuff is really harmful in a situation of weakness.