I want to move on. It's clear my strength is fading.

[jjam]

[video=youtube]

I was trying to find a video similar to this I could seriously relate to. I still haven't found it. So I decided to post the video here at ALL, share a little bit about where I'm at, and see if anyone here has any good ideas, resources, or just similar experiences they can share.

I am 30 years old. I've spent loads (feels like an understatement) of loan money working towards a B.S. I haven't worked towards in about 7 years. I work full time making just enough money to pay my bills/expenses, enjoy my inexpensive hobbies (gaming is the most expensive one, and is only expensive when you're buying too many games), and to keep from defaulting on my loans. I am grateful for my job, but hate it at the same time.

I've been taking care of my mother since I was 25 in the sense I've been claiming her as a dependent in tax filing since then. And it is not that mere 60% or whatever of household expenses criteria that she meets. It's more like I've been paying 100% of those expenses... Rent, electricity, gas, groceries, internet, phone, water, cable tv, and so on. She sits around all day listening to music, window shopping online, watching politics, and chatting with church friends.

There is no "partner". There is no wife who got laid off that can take my hand and say "we'll be strong together. I'll go with you to your job, and you'll just quit, leaving neither us with work! love will get us through!" Don't know if marriage is even in the cards for me. There is no sibling or aunt or uncle or cousin or friend to turn to. There is just me wasting my mind and soul on a shitty job just keeping my head above water.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Can't watch the video atm so I won't comment on that.

I'm not surprised you feel the way you do with your situation. Having a parent that is dependent on you must be rough, especially since you've been doing it from the age of 25. That's much too early to have to worry about caring for a parent, even at 30. I can't begin to imagine what your life must be like. From what you've said it seems like you are lost. You just go through each day. I kind of know how that feels. If you want a change in job you can always look for something else. You don't have to, nor would it be a good idea to just up and quit. Jobs can be hard to come by right now in some areas.

All in all though, you're surviving, making it through, responsible, so that's something to be proud of.

 

[jjam]

Thanks, sci.

I know what needs to be done. I don't want to blame depression because I get out here and exercise daily and it always makes me feel good in the moment. Kid Icarus: Uprising has made me a happy gamer too. But I feel like there's concrete around my legs about certain things, mainly taking the steps necessary to find new work. I've never been good at job hunting and I HATE that I haven't decided on a career.