If your partner had an affair.....

[Naleena]

If your partner had an affair, how would you react? Could you forgive him or her?

 

[Archangel Azrael]

my ex cheated on me
at first i forgave her
but then she acted like a total ***** about it
so i changed my heart toward her.
it really depends on if they are sorry or not.
but if my current gf cheated on me...
id be pretty broken...

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I forgave sherry for a lot of things. That woman was so pyscho *****,
she turned around an accused me of having an affair with the guy's wife. (Michelle).
Michelle and I were close friends. She was married. I was bascailly married to Sherry.
I just had a plutonic relationship with her.

I actaully asked Sherry to go talk to Michelle when all of that honeysuckle happened.
Sherry was arguing with me about money so she can go gambling...
I asked her to go talk to a friend or another woman, so we would stop fighting...not fresia her husband.
Michelle was out of town that night. I didn't know that.

Sherry actaully blames me for sending her over there....Errrr Wtf ????

The accusations and interigations went on for months, it drove me up te fucken walls.
After 2 months of that honeysuckle;..the fucken dramma, the endless, sleepless nights of her wanting
to drink herself to death and interigating me. I simply gave in and told her whatever the
fresia she wanted to hear, so she would shut the fresia up, so I can get some sleep.
She then turnned around and went ape honeysuckle on me even more while I was at home.
She trunned around and used that honeysuckle against me....shear madness.
Yet when I was at work she'll call me or come into my work and threaten sueicide.

She would also hond me or stalked me..thinking I was going to break up with her or cheat on her.
In other words she was afriad i was going to fresia Michelle...like get into crazy partner swaping or some honeysuckle.
Michelle and I were closed and our partner's cheated on us....Somewhere alone the line of,
payback is a *****!

Evidently...there's other women or people in my life at that piont.....Jenni.
Jenni and I didn't have any sexual relationship at that time. She was my friend.
I talked to Jenni alot becuase i was going crazy from all the fucken chaos.

I became very, very ill. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't focus on my work.
I just wanted peace...so I can get some rest inorder for me to think striaght, after a while.
My body constantly ran a fever and my head felt like it was going to explode. My heart
was broken. I was torn from head to toe. My thoughts and emotions got scrambled as
if she fucken pushed all the verious button of a blender.

I feared for Sherry's life as i did for mine. The guilt, shame and madness of it all.

Some of the honeysuckle that happened on this site reminds me of what Sherry did.(just a taste
of it)..the constant instigation of whatever the fucken piont was.

How did I feel inside about the matter of her cheating on me ?? It hurts.
I still have a lot of mental and emotional scars from the madness of it all.
Sherry have yet to say a word to me about anything that she had done or put us through,
yet Sherry' just so fucken holier than thou. I'm her secrets...I have all the details.
Sherry continue to use me as her escape goat..
Tities sells...yes it dose.

Forgiveness ?
As a child I was taught forgivness was about writing off all depts of a person that
trapassed me....Some people like to run up more fucken depts and more fucken depts.

When i got into recovery..I learned that forgiveness was for me...I forgave the other
person so that I don't carry the hurt and pain inside of me.
Even if I don't approve of the actions of the other's party.
I do not have power or control over the other party.

After Sherry...it's a cluster fresia either way.
Right, wrong, or indfference, ....I have to let go of it all.
The fucken nightmair and insanity of it all.

I just want to get well.

I seek my healing from god...I hope there's god.
I don't know if anyone can understands me or give a fucken honeysuckle either way. I hope god dose.

I get alot of triggers writing all of this honeysuckle...I'm processing it and letting go of it.
In other words....it hurts like a mother ******..

Anywho, I remember my minister telling me " you're child of god michael...don't ever forget that"
before i met Sherry.

 

[Pasha Selim]

I forgave sherry for a lot of things. That woman was so pyscho *****,
she turned around an accused me of having an affair with the guy's wife. (Michelle).
(Michelle and I we're close friends. She was married. I was bascailly married to Sherry.
I just had a plutonic relationship with her.)

I actaully asked Sherry to go talk to Michelle when all of that honeysuckle happened.
Sherry was arguing with me about money so she can go gambling...
I asked her to go talk to a friend or another woman, so we would stop fighting...not fresia her husband.
Michelle went out of town that night.

Sherry actaully blames me for sending her over there....Errrr Wtf ????

The accusations and interigations went on for months it drove me up te fucken walls.
After 2 months of that honeysuckle..the fucken dramma, the endless, sleepless nights of her wanting
to drink herself to death and interigating me. I simply gave in and told her whatever the
fresia she wanted to hear, so she would shut the fresia up, so I can get some sleep.
She then turnned around and went ape honeysuckle on me even more while i was at home
trunned around and used that honeysuckle against me....shear madness.
Yet when I was at work she'll call me or come into my work and threaten sueicide.

She would also hond me or stalked me..thinking I was going to break up with her or cheat on her.
In other words she was afriad i was going to fresia Michelle...like get into crazy partner swaping or some honeysuckle
becuase Michelle and I were closed and our partner's cheated on us. Somewhere alone the line of,
payback is a *****!

Evidently...there's other women or people in my life at that piont.....Jenni.
Jenni and I didn't have any sexual relationship at that time. She was my friend.
I talked to Jenni alot becuase i was going crazy from all the fucken chaos.

I became very, very ill. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't focus on my work.
I just wanted peace...so I can get some rest inorder for me to think striaght, after a while.
My body constantly ran a fever and my head felt like it was going to explode. My heart
was broken. I was torn from head to toe. My thoughts and emotions got scrambled as
if she fucken pushed all the verious button of a blender.

I feared for Sherry's life as i did for mine. The guilt, shame and madness of it all.

Some of the honeysuckle that happened on this site reminds me of what Sherry did.(just a taste
of it)..the constant instigation of whatever the fucken piont was.

How did I feel inside about the matter of her cheating on me ?? It hurts.
I still have a lot of mental and emotional scars from the madness of it all.
Sherry have yet to say a word to me about anything that she had done or put us through,
yet Sherry' just so fucken holier than thou. I'm her secrets...I have all the details.
Sherry continue to use me as her escape goat..
Tities sells...yes it dose.

Forgiveness ?
As a child I was taught forgivness was about writing off all depts of a person that
trapassed me....Some people like to run up more fucken depts and more fucken depts.

When i got into recovery..I learned that forgiveness was for me...I forgave the other
person so that I don't carry the hurt and pain inside of me.
Even if I don't approve of the actions of the other's party.
I do not have power or control over the other party.

After Sherry...it's a cluster fresia either way.
Right, wrong, or indfference, ....I have to let go of it all.
The fucken nightmair and insanity of it all.

I just want to get well.

I seek my healing from god...I hope there's god.
I don't know if anyone can understands me or give a fucken honeysuckle either way. I hope god dose.

I get alot of triggers writing all of this honeysuckle...I'm processing it and letting go of it.
In other words....it hurts like a mother ******..

Anywho, I remember my minister telling me " you're child of god michael...don't ever forget that"
before i met Sherry.

*my personal laughing record here*
... Your posts are so funny. And I don't read entirely
*LOL*

EDIT (after read it to the end)
... and also full of pain. Sorry.
"A great comedian is first of all a great tragedian."

 

[Nyktimos]

I have serious trust issues that probably stem from my father having an affair when I was very young. I've lost at least two relationships through lack of trust on my part. I'm now in a relationship with someone I trust totally but I'm not in love with her. I think I finally 'get it'. I'd rather be in a relationship with someone who I love but who might give in to temptation. If she did, I would want to forgive her if she wanted to continue our relationship.

But in practice, I know if I was with someone like that I would be the same jealous ******* I've always been and ruin both of our lives the way I always do.

 

[Unacceptance]

I have a partner?

 

[AimeeLou84]

I have serious trust issues that probably stem from my father having an affair when I was very young. I've lost at least two relationships through lack of trust on my part. I'm now in a relationship with someone I trust totally but I'm not in love with her. I think I finally 'get it'. I'd rather be in a relationship with someone who I love but who might give in to temptation. If she did, I would want to forgive her if she wanted to continue our relationship.

But in practice, I know if I was with someone like that I would be the same jealous ******* I've always been and ruin both of our lives the way I always do.

God I know EXACTLY what you mean here.I was in a relationship a few years back with a guy I trusted 100%.I knew he wouldn't have cheated on me because he was too interested in me.People don't get what I mean when I say that but it was true.I never doubted him.However I didn't love him.So while I knew he wouldn't hurt me like that,it was crap because I didn't really fancy him or love him the way that I should have done.He was more like a flatmte to me.

Now on the other hand I'm with someone I do actually love but there is no trust there at all.Absolutely none.I don't think he wouldn't hurt me and in fact I kind of expect him to.So that has made me extremely insecure.There are reasons behind the mistrust which I won't go into but needless to say my self esteem has virtually disappeared.

In answer to the overall "would you forgive your partner if they cheated on you"? The answer is no I wouldn't.I wouldn't be able to because it will always be there and once a cheater,always a cheater.Obviously it depends on the circumstances but really once a person cheats the trust is destroyed.

 

[Sonic_95]

That's a tough one there, Nalee.

In all honesty, I don't think I could. I would be to hurt and scarred by it.

A friend of mine is with a girl he met on yahoo 360 when she was still married, getting ready to get divorced. She cheated on this guy, with my friend, until the divorce, and now they are engaged. My belief is that this will not work out. I feel if someone does it "with you" they will eventually do it "to you".

My oldest sister's husband cheated on her back in 1994 and it changed our entire family. why? Because my sister moved half way across the country, away from all of us, to get away from the woman and the situation. They worked things out and ended up staying together, but he got caught trying to cheat again 6 years later. Once he was caught, luckily before he actually did it, they worked things out for one more year, before he met someone else on line and it started all over again. They got divorced in 2001.

I think once an afair happens, everything rolls down hill from there, and you never have respect for the person that cheated on you again. I certainly lost a lot of respect for my brother in law when he did it. Not only did he change the lives of my sister and their 3 little kids, but the lives of our whole family changed, and will never bee the same again because of it. And mind me, this was 15 years ago, and he has long since not even been a part of our family.

 

[scotsgirl]

My husband had an affair 7 years ago, I may have forgiven but can never forget. Partly because I see her around town, it's a constant reminder of a very unhappy time in my life.
It certainly made me lose respect for him and I know that things have not and never will be the same between us.

 

[Van Hooligan X]

if it happened to me, well lets just say angry van isn't a nice person AT ALL to be around...

and i'd have to break his legs too ^_^ fairs fair

 

[GHOSTNYOURMIST]

Once the trust is gone, the relationship will never be the same.
You feel so used and betrayed that things will never be normal again.

That's all I have to say about that.

 

[bish33]

Very well said GHOST, I would add my two cents, but I would just end up in a crazy ass rant that I don't feel like writing and I know, no one would want to read. lol

 

[Melanie]

Welp..
although we live in a technological society, we humans still have certain biological predispositions and urges, which includes lust. In my opinion, I don't believe that humans are biologically monogamous creatures, so if my partner ever cheated on me, I would "forgive" them because it's understandable. Society puts so much pressure on people to behave and think a certain way, and in a sense, it is unrealistic. We are only human.

 

[Naleena]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Minus)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough.- Frank Crane

 

[Brian]

Well, I think I'd be devastated. It's bad enough to feel like there's no one out there that you'll ever be able to make a connection with. If I ever do manage to actually get a significant other and she had an affair when we were supposedly exclusive with eachother, well, I'd feel even worse.

There would probably be blood worthy of any Sopranos hit scene.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

if it happened to me, well lets just say angry van isn't a nice person AT ALL to be around...

and i'd have to break his legs too ^_^ fairs fair

mmmmm...I almost killed my best friend becuase of this honeysuckle.

It was so..so fucken retarded why they did it, I fucken swear.
We were double dating..He had his girl. I had mine.
But no....lets just fucke that honeysuckle up..wtf ???
He was my BEST FREIND...ffs.

We had to fucken switched partners becuase of that honeysuckle..wtf ??
It was so..so fucken wierd...His gf Jackie and i would hang out of
that..trying to understand the fucken honeysuckle. Jackie was very hurt
and cried all the time...

One night while Jackie and I were cruzing..we ran into him...
i jumped out of my fucken truck and almost killed his fucken
ass...We just had to do some fucken seriouse throw downs.
Luckiely back in the days it was just man to man fist fights.

I was so pissed off at him. i hitted him so fucken hard
it knocked him on his ass...Then I kicked him in the face.
Peeple had to pull me off of him. i was so pissed it was like I was in a different world.

To have to relive it decades later...kind of left a bad taste in
my mouth a little bit. I thought HS bullshit was over.

 

[GHOSTNYOURMIST]

You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough.- Frank Crane

I have been deceived and watched as my world came crashing down, sadly, I must live in torment because trust will not come easy or any time soon. - Ghost

 

[Van Hooligan X]

if it happened to me, well lets just say angry van isn't a nice person AT ALL to be around...

and i'd have to break his legs too ^_^ fairs fair

mmmmm...I almost killed my best friend becuase of this honeysuckle.

It was so..so fucken retarded why they did it, I fucken swear.
We were double dating..He had his girl. I had mine.
But no....lets just fucke that honeysuckle up..wtf ???
He was my BEST FREIND...ffs.

We had to fucken switched partners becuase of that honeysuckle..wtf ??
It was so..so fucken wierd...His gf Jackie and i would hang out of
that..trying to understand the fucken honeysuckle. Jackie was very hurt
and cried all the time...

One night while Jackie and I were cruzing..we ran into him...
i jumped out of my fucken truck and almost killed his fucken
ass...We just had to do some fucken seriouse throw downs.
Luckiely back in the days it was just man to man fist fights.

I was so pissed off at him. i hitted him so fucken hard
it knocked him on his ass...Then I kicked him in the face.
Peeple had to pull me off of him. i was so pissed it was like I was in a different world.

To have to relive it decades later...kind of left a bad taste in
my mouth a little bit. I thought HS bullshit was over.

i don't blame you, i'd porbably end up nearly killing the guy though

 

[AimeeLou84]

I think to say we are only human and everyone should have the right to cheat because we "cant help it" is just a rubbish exxcuse. I don't feel that society is forcing me to think a certain way.In fact I tend to think the opposite towards what mainstream society pushes in our faces.For example - the so called perfect image of how we should look that every magazine, newspaper, talent show and tv programs preach to us.That annoys me.

My personal opinion is yes we will always think other people are good looking.But when you choose to be with someone then you should never cross that line and betray them by sleeping around.If you want to sleep with other people be single or date, don't commit.There are plenty of chances for anybody to cheat but it doesn't mean you have to.You just have to have a bit of self control and respect and love for the person sat at home not cheating on you.Cheating works both ways,both men and women do it and its never right in my honest opinion.Don't commit if you want to stray and give in to lust.Just be single.lol rant over!

 

[bish33]

Welp..
although we live in a technological society, we humans still have certain biological predispositions and urges, which includes lust. In my opinion, I don't believe that humans are biologically monogamous creatures, so if my partner ever cheated on me, I would "forgive" them because it's understandable. Society puts so much pressure on people to behave and think a certain way, and in a sense, it is unrealistic. We are only human.

Are you kidding me? From what you have written, I'm guessing you have no problem cheating on someone you care about. We are only human, so we do make mistakes. Saying that society puts pressure on people to think and act a certain way is just a stupid excuse for a person. Something like oh I'm sorry I was drunk. Please I have been drunk and pressured and still didn't do it. It's called respect for someone.