I'm a 33 year old virgin male without even a date to my name.

[user 115627]

I don't chastise anyone for displaying themselves negatively on the forum, I just need to look back at my own self-hating posts from when I originally got here. 

While I agree that people on the forum are MORE self depreciating here than they probably are in real life, how long do you really think they can go on saying things before it starts becoming real to them, before it becomes their "reality"?  honeysuckle like that leaks out into the real world whether people realize it or not.

Frankly I don't know. Some people compartmentalize better than others, for better or worse. That aside, it's a chicken and egg problem to begin with. The perspectives can already exist but they leak onto the internet where they may or may not be reinforced by others and consequently leak back into real life in amplified form. Classic echo chambers dynamics. In one way I'm happy we have all sorts of contrasting opinions here and either side still exposes themselves to the other. Whether that eventually leads to truths is different question. But as long as we're talking we're not beating each others' heads in or reaching for a rope.

PS: I changed self-harming to self-hating in my original post, because that was inaccurate. I should not type posts on my phone at 6 in the morning.

 

[ardour]

Self depreciation is a only considered a problem because it's un-masculine. There are far worse things than being neurotic, but it's the unmanly 'weak' aspect that's the important thing with that.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

Self depreciation is a only considered a problem because it's un-masculine.  There are far worse things than being neurotic, but it's the unmanly 'weak' aspect that's the important thing with that.

I would say self-deprecation is more of a masculine trait than a feminine one. Traditionally, women are the gender renowned for being vain.

 

[TheSkaFish]

^I'm no feminist, but to be fair, lots of men also have plenty of ego.

 

[Aardra]

^I'm no feminist, but to be fair, lots of men also have plenty of ego.

What does that have to do with being feminist? o.o

Self depreciation is a only considered a problem because it's un-masculine.  There are far worse things than being neurotic, but it's the unmanly 'weak' aspect that's the important thing with that.

I would say self-deprecation is more of a masculine trait than a feminine one. Traditionally, women are the gender renowned for being vain.

Meanwhile: literally all of Art History.

Who even is Narcissus?

 

[TheSkaFish]

^I'm no feminist, but to be fair, lots of men also have plenty of ego.

What does that have to do with being feminist? o.o

Maybe not that much. The point I was trying to make was that I don't think any one gender has a monopoly on vanity cause I've seen it from both.

 

[user 115627]

I don't think vanity and self-deprecation are on the same spectrum to begin with. Self-deprecation is not even the right term, what we are picturing goes far beyond that. Many male comedians are notoriously self-deprecating in their humor but that doesn't make them less masculine. After all, humor is a big factor in how men try to impress women and the ability to poke fun at yourself is generally appreciated. Serious self-loathing and self-hatred goes beyond that and I think that's closer linked to a lack of confidence and belief in your self-worth or abilities...and that's usually off-putting. You could even be doing okay, but your sales pitch is still dogshit.

As for the factor of gender in vanity...what exactly are we talking about? Cause we can focus entirely on physical appearance but we can also include social status and power and from what I understand that's a difference between male and female narcissists, if we want to take the extreme example of the diagnosed disorder here which has its own pitfalls. Vanity is not inherently linked with low self-esteem, is it? Narcissism is though. And let's not forget that Narcissus himself was a mythological figure...not an object of empirical study into personality disorder.

As for the feminist quip, I think if you aren't a feminist or rather a very traditional person you might be more inclined to ignore excesses of the male ego or justify their existence. Just my two cents.

 

[TheSkaFish]

After all, humor is a big factor in how men try to impress women and the ability to poke fun at yourself is generally appreciated.

Man, I wish that wasn't the case...

As for the feminist quip, I think if you aren't a feminist or rather a very traditional person you might be more inclined to ignore excesses of the male ego or justify their existence. Just my two cents.

I'd say that while, like I said, I'm not a feminist - I'm also not an extremely traditional person either. I do things more on an individual scale - if someone is good to me, I'm good to them. If they're not, then I'm not. I only brought it up because, I disagreed with the statement that "Traditionally, women are the gender renowned for being vain" but I wanted to make it clear that I wasn't white-knighting or hating on men either.

 

[user 115627]

I only brought it up because, I disagreed with the statement that "Traditionally, women are the gender renowned for being vain" but I wanted to make it clear that I wasn't white-knighting or hating on men either.

See, now you made it sound like being a feminist means white-knighting or hating on men...I'm just kidding, Ska. It's a bit of a Kafka trap since most feminists will tell you it's just about gender equality - and frankly, I think they are being genuine - but there is a difference between a casual feminist and the more ardent type that is very much invested in their fight against the patriarchy and whatever it represents to them. If you encountered more of the latter type or they are the ones that make you raise an eyebrow, then that's your experience. It's one what resonates with me as well. Since I'm not traditional to begin with it didn't turn me into an explicit anti-feminist either, but it will make me keep my distance from that conglomerate of ideas.

 

[Finished]

I got a date.

See all you guys just need to try harder. It's practically the same situation. That's all there is to it.

[img=420x280]https://external-content.duckduckgo...py-valentines-day-269427.png&f=1&nofb=1[/img]

 

[Forgottendanfan]

Try harder? Wow. How much more patronising and dismissive can somebody be?

 

[user 115627]

Try harder? Wow. How much more patronising and dismissive can somebody be?

I think he was saying it tongue-in-cheek.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

Try harder? Wow. How much more patronising and dismissive can somebody be?

I think he was saying it tongue-in-cheek.

I hope so. If so, I apologise.

 

[AnonymousMe]

Anyone else here in a similar predicament? How likely do you think it is I may find someone willing to accept my lack of experience and give me a chance?

I am in a similar predicament, I'll be a 31-year-old virgin in one month.
Beats me, I guess your chances are no different to mine, and we gotta hurry; time is not kind to virgin men.

IMO if a girl likes you it doesn't matter. But if she doesn't  then she wants something more than just you. This "something" could be anything including sexual experience. (I suppose that works for both genders)

I don't think I know any woman who really cares about partner's experience but I don't know all the women. Also I think if a woman has no or little experience she may prefer the same man.

This.  Also, I think it would be refreshing to date a guy without experience.  No ex drama, no chance of STDs, etc etc.  And unless you live under a rock, it's not like you don't know the basics, so who cares.

People with autism, like me, usually don't know the basics, mind if you tell me what they are? 

I like shy, awkward men. And no, not the Disney idea of shy and awkward of "hot but with glasses." Like I literally like quiet awkward men who are goofy, don't know what to do with their hands, stumble over their words, etc. They're cute and endearing and I find them attractive romantically and sexually.

What I like about a guy is having passions. I don't care if he goes on about his collection of MTG cards. If he's passionate about something that's a huge plus. Men who care about things outside themselves are attractive, too. Altruistic attitudes and behaviors. "Confidence" is such a murky word. A person can be confident in their abilities but a complete wreck in social situations. But of course if a person is a complete clusterfuck with no interests, ambitions, or passions; who only goes on about themselves and their insecurities, I'm not going to find them attractive.

Someone can be shy and awkward while also having the strength of character to overcome their shyness and awkwardness. I'm shy and awkward, to a point where I have to type up an actual script before calling someone on the phone. But I still force myself to call them, otherwise nothing ever gets done.

A shy and awkward person isn't the same thing as a hesitant person. He's shy and awkward but still liked me enough to work up the courage to ask me out? That's a turn on for me. But why should you or anyone expect a woman to be attracted to a guy who just idles in the corner staring at you without ever saying anything or approaching (provided we're in an appropriate social setting)?

My primary interests are video games (I have a fair collection) and writing (I spend most of my time on my computer, developing many ideas I have for stories I’m planning on start writing someday and, hopefully, publish, at least, one of them.)  Secondary ones are reading (I admit I don't read much, only stuff I'm interested in) and listening metal music (I don't have much interest in anything else, except classical and soundtrack).  I like Star Wars too, and animated stuff as a whole, including movies, series and anime.

My main ambition in life is to be a normal person and not an autistic one.  I have a 2008 Smart Fortwo car, I might get my driver's license this year; I'm in college now, if things go OK, I might get my bachelor's degree at the end of 2022; I live with my parents, so I don't know how to take care of myself, but I want to have a low-wage job and an apartment or micro house of my own; I'm chubby, but I am lifting weights to... well, lose weight.    I'm picky in eating only stuff with lots of protein, so I really don't care about being picky.  =/  And lastly, I haven't had the chance, because I've got no courage to talk with people face-to-face (I want to have a better looking body first), but I do want to try and socialize, because I'm poly and would like to have two girls.   :shy:

I don't have a particular passion for anything, I'm more of a carefree spirit that values free time above everything else.  I wouldn't like to spend my one life working all the time, I would rather spend it with loved ones instead... and with my doggies.   

Am I unattractive?  I'm often serious and don't have a sense of humor, I guess that's a turn off?

 

[Forgottendanfan]

Hi AnonymousMe. It's nice (for want of a better word) to meet someone else in a similar predicament to me. I hope life improves for both of us, and preferably while we're still young enough to appreciate it.

---

P.S. I guess the lack of a sense of humour could be considered a turn off for some women, but I very much doubt it would be a dealbreaker in many cases.

 

[AnonymousMe]

P.S. I guess the lack of a sense of humour could be considered a turn off for some women, but I very much doubt it would be a dealbreaker in many cases.

XD  It is one of the biggest possible turn-offs Forgottendanfan, unless you have something to make up for it, expect no one to approach someone with the personality of a wall.

 

[Xpendable]

Nah, women like random honeysuckle; there are no guidelines.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

I've seen plenty of guys with bland, humourless personalities in relationships.

---

Nah, women like random honeysuckle; there are no guidelines.

Hi Xpendable. Good to see you back around these parts.

 

[Xpendable]

technically is not so good...

 

[Forgottendanfan]

technically is not so good...

Oh right. Not doing too good then?