I'm a winner

[T. classic]

I think I fall in love with women that are not particularly desirable by conventional standards , and have some sort of physical/social shortcomings , not because I grow to love their personality, but because I don't feel I deserve someone that does possess the positive qualities that desirable women have.

Discuss how horrible a person I am

 

[eris]

You said "fall in love"...so, this isnt about sex.


let me get this straight


You feel like you deserve something substandard, so you go after what you consider substandard women, and then you end up being with women you feel as if you can do better than.

You secretly wish you could have a beautiful women, because that is what you would really DESERVE if you werent so hard on yourself.

So I guess no one really would ever want to be with an "ugly" women, huh, they are just for people who dont DESERVE something perfect ?

I guess you dont think anyone deserves less than physically perfect women, though - only that people should use them if they have poor self esteem.

This is just how I read your post.




Im going to bite my tongue.

You are a very shallow person.

Karma will get you back.

.

 

[alonewanderer]

If you fell in love with them you'd be okay with all of their supposed flaws and accept them no matter what and you sure as hell wouldn't consider them undesirable.

 

[Danielle]

yeah i think that's horrible..... seriously... go back and read what you wrote and really think about it. You will want to shove your head in a toilet....

 

[Drama]

Sorry but it's disgusting =/ ... wth? yeah that's horrible... do you think that even a person with physical/social shortcomings could accept to be with someone like you? come on be reasonable search for someone you think you can love physically and mentally otherwise you'll always be unhappy and you'll make whoever is fool enough to accept how you think unhappy too

 

[SophiaGrace]

My last boyfriend told me his friends said to him "You are so nice to date Sophia. She has low self esteem."

That pissed me off so badly.

 

[VanillaCreme]

By society's standard, I'm not someone who is pretty by any means. And honestly, I wouldn't want someone falling in love with me because of something like that. I want someone to like me for me. And to be with me because they do love me for me. Not because they feel pity for me, or sorry that they think no one else will want me. I think that's an awful reason to even bother with someone. I couldn't even do that to someone. It's like a cruel joke.

 

[tehdreamer]

Desirable women have the same traits and qualities as those who aren't considered particularly desirable by societies standards. Things like low self esteem, bad social skills, and crappy personalities come in many different packages and aren't limited to just those who aren't gorgeous.

If you think you're dumpster diving because you don't deserve better, then I feel sorry for you.. How can you fall in love with someone you view as sub-standard? It must be really confusing inside your head. If you don't love their personalities or physical attributes, what's left to love?

 

[SofiasMami]

I think I fall in love with women that are not particularly desirable by conventional standards , and have some sort of physical/social shortcomings , not because I grow to love their personality, but because I don't feel I deserve someone that does possess the positive qualities that desirable women have.

Discuss how horrible a person I am

Hi-
I don't get it - what are these "positive qualities that desirable women have" that you speak of? A woman who lives on the streets of Calcutta to aid lepers and homeless orphans, like Mother Teresa? A woman who successfully leads a Fortune 500 company? A single parent who works 3 jobs to support her family? A woman with a nice face, a nice rack and tight bottom? Your "conventional standards" for a desirable woman may be very different than others' standards, that's why I ask.

Teresa

 

[T. classic]

to clear up some misunderstanding:

I don't get involved with people who are not 'conventionally pretty' because I want to punish myself out of self-loathing or something, but still feeling I deserve 'better' (not the best word choice, but you said it, I didn't). I think I must do it because people who are physically/socially challenged must have lower self-esteem (immature way of thinking, but idk somewhere inside I must believe it to have some validity) than one who is blessed in those aspects, and would be less likely to shoot me down than someone who has 'everything going for them' , in a manner of speaking. Said people would come to the (rightful) conclusion that they can do better than me and would not take a second glance at me, whereas people that aren't as self-confident would probably take a chance out of me due to their own insecurities and lack of self-worth.

In conclusion, I use people's insecurities to initiate relationships on false pretenses because I don't think someone that is conventionally desirable ( don't ask me what it is, you should know I mean someone who is both physically attractive and socially adept) would take a chance on me. This eliminates any consideration of the personality factor (obviously the most important factor) because how would someone see a personality if they don't even give them a chance. Maybe it's my fear that people would try to get to know me and discover that I really don't have much personality (I don't) to begin with. not sure if that's the case , but i'm rationalizing my horrid behavior by attempting to psychoanalyze myself. sue me

I don't think I deserve better than the people i've discussed, I'm only discussing initiating a relationship. Personality is something discovered after the fact, and for the record , I obviously understand that the calibur of person can vary regardless of their superficial qualities. however, I don't feel it's possible to get to that point at least with me (i'm quite physically unattractive, and I have social anxiety), and if it did, there's no redeeming qualities about myself that they could 'discover'.

 

[tehdreamer]

You need to gain a sense of self-worth. Picking ugly social retards because you feel you're not good enough for anything better... That's just hurting you and anyone you date. And especially the person you date because she's thinking you like her because you think she's pretty or because you're able to look past her outside image and like her inner self. No one wins when a relationship is based on lies and false pretenses.

 

[eris]

to clear up some misunderstanding:

In conclusion, I use people's insecurities to initiate relationships on false pretenses because I don't think someone that is conventionally desirable ( don't ask me what it is, you should know I mean someone who is both physically attractive and socially adept) would take a chance on me.

You are afraid that these attractive women would not take a chance on you because attractive people are somehow different than people like you and other average or below average people, and an attractive person would not ever want someone who is not also an attractive and socially adept and "better" person .

Then, you make relationships based on false pretenses with these "lesser" people, because an attractive person is too good for you



Youre saying this stuff, not me. lol. I hope you change your mind about things. Good luck bye



.

 

[Badjedidude]

Attractive people honeysuckle into a toilet and then wipe their poopy asses.

True story.

My point is that inside they're no different from the rest of us. In fact, they're perhaps WORSE OFF than most of the rest of us, because the pressure to remain attractive at all times can be quite overwhelming.

Treat 'em like you'd treat Joe-blow down the street and you'll do fine.

 

[T. classic]

'No one wins when a relationship is based on lies and false pretenses'

I win, because I get companionship and I don't blow my brains out from loneliness. If a forum dedicated to people suffering from loneliness exists, it should be prepared to attract people that legitimately mentally suffer from being alone, not people who are simply looking for online friends and encouragement. . Most people I see on this forum don't understand what loneliness actually is, though i'm not so obtuse as to think i'm the only one here who does. I realize it was stupid of me coming here seeking some shred of solace when I knew all along that I wouldn't find any value in reading text off a screen. Hopeless situation is hopeless, and I'm pretty confident I'll be dead within a year anyway, I just wanted a little confirmation that I was indeed as horrible as I believe myself to be.

 

[Badjedidude]

Most people I see on this forum don't understand what loneliness actually is, though i'm not so obtuse as to think i'm the only one here who does

It's mighty presumptive of you to say that.

Have you even been here long enough to hear everyone's life stories? No?

Then don't ******* judge.

I realize it was stupid of me coming here seeking some shred of solace when I knew all along that I wouldn't find any value in reading text off a screen. Hopeless situation is hopeless, and I'm pretty confident I'll be dead within a year anyway, I just wanted a little confirmation that I was indeed as horrible as I believe myself to be.

The impression I get from you is that you never intended to gain anything from coming here in the first place. I think you probably just wanted to encounter enough social friction to allow yourself to perpetuate your belief that you're horrible; BASICALLY, you came here to prove yourself correct.

Well, you can believe what you want...

...but until you're actually around here for a while and maybe get to know some of the people here, and let them get to know you... then you'll never know if you're right. Because otherwise you'll just be feeding your self-loathing.

 

[SofiasMami]

In conclusion, I use people's insecurities to initiate relationships on false pretenses because I don't think someone that is conventionally desirable ( don't ask me what it is, you should know I mean someone who is both physically attractive and socially adept) would take a chance on me.

Hm, too bad. When you clear up your own problems with your own self-image, you will view women differently.

Teresa

---

Hopeless situation is hopeless, and I'm pretty confident I'll be dead within a year anyway, I just wanted a little confirmation that I was indeed as horrible as I believe myself to be.

Hi-
This concerns me. I think your problems go deeper than who you prefer to date. You sound depressed. If you need help, please ask for it; you will get better results than attempting to elicit posts commenting on how horrible you are.

Teresa

 

[T. classic]

at least you people are accomadating, I thought i'd find people on this site as self-absorbed as me, glad i was wrong

 

[tehdreamer]

'No one wins when a relationship is based on lies and false pretenses'

I win, because I get companionship and I don't blow my brains out from loneliness. If a forum dedicated to people suffering from loneliness exists, it should be prepared to attract people that legitimately mentally suffer from being alone, not people who are simply looking for online friends and encouragement. . Most people I see on this forum don't understand what loneliness actually is, though i'm not so obtuse as to think i'm the only one here who does. I realize it was stupid of me coming here seeking some shred of solace when I knew all along that I wouldn't find any value in reading text off a screen. Hopeless situation is hopeless, and I'm pretty confident I'll be dead within a year anyway, I just wanted a little confirmation that I was indeed as horrible as I believe myself to be.

I get the deep despair loneliness can cause; I've been there, done that.. still doing that. I cry a lot because I feel so alone. But I'd rather be alone than make fake friendships or relationships with people I don't like. I felt ever more alone when I did that in the past.

Having never been in a relationship before and turning down the opportunities from those who were piss-poor matches for me, I can say I haven't officially hit rock bottom and gotten quite that desperate yet. I still believe I'm worth more than that and I look for those who feel as though I have worth as well.

You're staving off your loneliness, but you're only deepening your self-hate. Not much of a win. You don't need to come here to gain more self-hate, you should be looking to improve your self-worth. If you really feel what you're doing is bad, then quit doing it instead of looking for people to say you're wrong just to further fuel your self-hate.

 

[T. classic]

But, I can live with self-hate, I can't live with loneliness.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't think I deserve better than the people i've discussed, I'm only discussing initiating a relationship.

You don't deserve anyone with your attitude. And I hope no one is ever stupid enough to fall for your senseless theory.