Sometimes I can have lots of energy, manic energy, I'll be imagining impressing some people being funny etc. But in real social situations, I have no energy at all. I'm a Zombie. Nearly 24 never had a proper relationship......I can't feel my emotions, all I feel is a lurking anxiety because I know that they are there deep down, I feel them when sad music is playing and its very painful. I've tried anti-depressants and therapy a load of times. Yes I've tried 'lightning up' and 'getting my act together'. I've tried 'changing' for about 5 years. I exercise every day and eat right. My mum is also a messed up narcissist, who I feel nothing for but occasional severe hatred. I'm trying a new stragegy where I try and forgive her and love her because I know your relationships with your mother colour all others, but its hard. I know having a bad relationship with your mum can be especially damaging for a guy. I know this is coming out like some weird machine has written it but thats how I feel right now.
I'm dead inside, except not.
- Thread starter Alex
- Start date
Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
MrBurns
Well-known member
Alex said:
''all I feel is a lurking anxiety because I know that they are there deep down'' I can relate OP but am not clever enough to put into words
Just keep it together. Post the link to your youtube comedy.Sometimes we shut down our emotions to avoid feeling bad. Sometimes we have to accept that that's our defence mechanism and let it protect us. When we're ready to feel the emotions, they'll return. I know. I get that way too. As to hating your mother, if you feel she deserves it, don't fight it. Allow yourself to hate her, if that's how you feel, as long as you don't do anything you'll regret. Maybe once you've allowed yourself that, you'll allow yourself other emotions too. Trying to force yourself to forgive someone or love someone never lasts long and then you'll just end up resenting her for that too - or yourself.
I'd be interested in seeing the comedy you've created. That's something I could never do.
I'd be interested in seeing the comedy you've created. That's something I could never do.
AFrozenSoul
Well-known member
I can relate about having fantasies about being the life of the party or talking to people at the gym or an anime convention. Then reality sets in... and it set in REALLY bad a couple weeks ago.
It sounds like you need a change of some kind. You sound like you are droning through stuff just so you can say you are doing what is expected. What other interests do you have? You sound like you are doing something you enjoy. However, it also sounds like you are letting your friends use your talents. One bit of advice I was offered was to take an improve comedy class. That will get you out and being social. Being funnier will put you in the spot light. Comedy is something you are comfortable with. So it starts out with you talking about comedy and leads into other conversations. Or you can focus on one of your other interests. What is the saying "All Work and No Play makes you a dull boy?"
Maybe... I do not know embrace the hatred for your mom. I hate my mom, so I pay her no mind. My mom is pretty full of herself too. You can say you are forgiving her, but are you really? I think you need to accept some of your feelings. You can only hold in emotions for so long.
It sounds like you need a change of some kind. You sound like you are droning through stuff just so you can say you are doing what is expected. What other interests do you have? You sound like you are doing something you enjoy. However, it also sounds like you are letting your friends use your talents. One bit of advice I was offered was to take an improve comedy class. That will get you out and being social. Being funnier will put you in the spot light. Comedy is something you are comfortable with. So it starts out with you talking about comedy and leads into other conversations. Or you can focus on one of your other interests. What is the saying "All Work and No Play makes you a dull boy?"
Maybe... I do not know embrace the hatred for your mom. I hate my mom, so I pay her no mind. My mom is pretty full of herself too. You can say you are forgiving her, but are you really? I think you need to accept some of your feelings. You can only hold in emotions for so long.
Hey Frozen Soul, What do you mean by letting my friends use my talents? I know what you mean about I should just accept my mum but I know a lot of issues are probably down to her so I feel like I should keep her in my mind even if it makes me angry etc as this is probabaly more healthy over the long term than feeling dead. Its interesting to wonder how many guys on here prob have poor relations with their mums too.
I went out again tonight for a university social thing...It was quite painful as expected, I spent most of the time talking to lecturers as it feels safer talking to older adults. But still I was always terrified I was about to be left on my own...and sometimes was. I felt myself acting most of the time, I don't think I really connected with anyone the entire night. I left at the end without saying goodbye when I couldn't take standing on my own for any longer. I just can't come out of myself. What was worse was hearing the girl I like saying to someone she is going out with some guy on thursday...it hurt to hear, yet at the same time I couldn't really feel it like it was happening to someone else. I feel like a revolting person inside, no matter what I try and do with my thinking.
Social events are always difficult, more so when you see other people that you either care about or know in some way doing well without you.
Sometimes you just have to give yourself permission to leave/be upset.
Sometimes you just have to give yourself permission to leave/be upset.
AFrozenSoul
Well-known member
I was making a few assumptions when I wrote that. Were these videos you made your idea?Alex said:
As for your mom, I meant you should embrace your feelings. You are accepting your mom. Accept your feelings for her. Love is something that is earned not just given out. I have a terrible relationship with both my parents. So you are not alone.
Y
yesm
Guest
your comedy is pretty ******* hilarious lol... i laughed quite a bit... and i have a very discerning sense for good humor...
I don't know anything about you, but u seem like u might be good at acting...
if i was a different sort of person i could definately see acting as a good escape from my pathetic life..., but i wouldn't make much of an actor as a raised eyebrow is about as excited i can get about something that isn't real...
anyway great comedy sketches lol keep it up...
I don't know anything about you, but u seem like u might be good at acting...
if i was a different sort of person i could definately see acting as a good escape from my pathetic life..., but i wouldn't make much of an actor as a raised eyebrow is about as excited i can get about something that isn't real...
anyway great comedy sketches lol keep it up...
MrBurns
Well-known member
Alex said:
Just watched your comedy Alex about paedos and I was literally laughing my ass off. Keep it going you are better than some of the celeb comedians in my opinion.
Frozen Soul its me acting in the videos so its not like I wrote them and am letting someone else act and take the credit if thats what mean...
Yesm and Mr Burns - thanks, I'm really glad you liked them, your comments mean a lot to me.
Yesm and Mr Burns - thanks, I'm really glad you liked them, your comments mean a lot to me.
*posts here to watch videos later*
I love comedy, especially when people do taboo topics. Going to watch them when I'm on a computer with sound and a faster connection...
I love comedy, especially when people do taboo topics. Going to watch them when I'm on a computer with sound and a faster connection...
