Inner Desolation

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Ever love so much that it physically hurt you? Somewhere deep in the pit of your stomach?
Ever face the realization that no one will ever understand you in this world? That nobody wants to be with you because you are too unconventional? Untamed?
Ever been rejected by a goddess? One that you worshipped?
Perhaps you saw them everywhere afterwards... everyone reminded you of them.
Ever feel like you are totally repulsive to the opposite sex? Ever feel insignificant compared to others?

Anyone ever feel that desert wasteland inside of yourself, and question whether or not you could make it through?

Ever just want to be loved, but nobody wants to love you?

...And the ones that do love you, can't satisfy your need?

If so, then please, gimme an AMEN. Show me I'm not as alone and messed up as I fear I may be.

 

[Caesium]

Amen brother!

 

[Bluey]

AMEN

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Amen.....

yeah....my neck almost snapped everytime I saw a silver honda going down the road for a while.
You know how many women drives silver looking handa civic everywhere ? ....lots

 

[Antihero]

A thousand times, Amen!

 

[Estreen]

Amen. Most of my life, and right now. v.v

 

[delayed_relapse]

Thanks guys!

There's a lot of encouragement on these boards, I really appreciate that.

*antisocial hugs for everyone!*

 

[evanescencefan91]

amen

 

[Nic]

amen

 

[ClosetGeek]

Can't say amen. But I have sympathy for you.
Actually...looking back.....men who treated me good were good looking and men who did not were fugly or had issues.

Ever love so much that it physically hurt you? Somewhere deep in the pit of your stomach?
Ever face the realization that no one will ever understand you in this world? That nobody wants to be with you because you are too unconventional? Untamed?
Ever been rejected by a goddess? One that you worshipped?
Perhaps you saw them everywhere afterwards... everyone reminded you of them.
Ever feel like you are totally repulsive to the opposite sex? Ever feel insignificant compared to others?

Anyone ever feel that desert wasteland inside of yourself, and question whether or not you could make it through?

Ever just want to be loved, but nobody wants to love you?

...And the ones that do love you, can't satisfy your need?

If so, then please, gimme an AMEN. Show me I'm not as alone and messed up as I fear I may be.

 

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Wierd... usually, the more attractive a woman is the worse I get treated by them (whether in the long or short run), but less attractive women, or women with issues, seem to treat me better (maybe in the case of the latter, it's because they sensed that I was non-judgemental toward their problems).
Or maybe its just that I'm more sensitive, and so it's easy for me to sympathize with others who are also sensitive *rambling*

and to be perfectly honest, I think I've been treated even worse (or at least hurt more) by women who meant well or had good intentions, than from either of the above.
Classy girls are my downfall, lol

(the worst part is that I love every minute of the way down )

 

[ClosetGeek]

Great, so you should not talk to good looking women anywhere ......including this forum (me, Naleena,Eve etc all the other pretty girls for example). We look good and we are evil. :-D lol

 

[delayed_relapse]

Great, so you should not talk to good looking women anywhere ......including this forum (me, Naleena,Eve etc all the other pretty girls for example). We look good and we are evil. :-D lol

You know, the worst part is you're probably right.
But, I love the things that are most dangerous for me

Besides, where's the fun in just giving up? hehe

And I have a different strategy: I'm just not going to let them dominate me anymore (as much fun as that is)

...wait, that came out wrong... you know what I mean

 

[Phaedron]

I know all too well... I'm sure it has taught you how to love deeply, but in truth this only leads to a high volume existence... and most of the time girls are very down to earth, at least in my experience... they don't want to be put on a pedestal and worshipped... but some may find themselves just as you are if that makes any sense...

Like attracts like... If you suddenly found one who wanted to worship you wouldn't you be overwhelemd to the point you could not even comprehend the magnitude of their love? You are like a starving stomach, it cannot so much at first. The thing the deeply loving do not realize is that they don't want a lot of love themselves, they want to be the giver... to feel useful... and so its easy to get tangled up in abusive relationships... Thing is they are 10x as many abusive guys then girls...

So try to find balance. Live within love and you will attract others to love you. There is more to love then devotion. In fact there is passion, intimacy, and devotion.

 

[ClosetGeek]

@DR.I am not sure what you meant. I am not into feminine guys.

 

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@DR.I am not sure what you meant. I am not into feminine guys.

I meant to say something about the power struggle that can sometimes emerge in relationships, but it came out weird.

I know all too well... I'm sure it has taught you how to love deeply, but in truth this only leads to a high volume existence... and most of the time girls are very down to earth, at least in my experience... they don't want to be put on a pedestal and worshipped... but some may find themselves just as you are if that makes any sense...

Like attracts like... If you suddenly found one who wanted to worship you wouldn't you be overwhelemd to the point you could not even comprehend the magnitude of their love? You are like a starving stomach, it cannot so much at first. The thing the deeply loving do not realize is that they don't want a lot of love themselves, they want to be the giver... to feel useful... and so its easy to get tangled up in abusive relationships... Thing is they are 10x as many abusive guys then girls...

So try to find balance. Live within love and you will attract others to love you. There is more to love then devotion. In fact there is passion, intimacy, and devotion.

To be honest, I haven't had that many partners (relationship or sexual), but I know that I gravitate towards the kind of girl who will hurt me I think (gotta stop doing that really).
Truthfully, I don't blame my partners for not understanding me well enough; there are two major reasons why our relationships fail I think (regardless of worship, whether its mutual or otherwise:
1. I'm complicated.
2. I'm un-"whippable" (I used to be proud of it, but now I wish I could be whipped for a change, it seems better.)

If there is a third reason, then it would have to be "lack of compromise" between both of us.

(I don't really know if I'm even on topic anymore, but I can delude myself into thinking I am, haha)

Yeah, you're making sense Catharsis, I'm sure that if I knew how to actually go about looking for a compatible friend/romantic interest I could find one.... i just have no clue.
I've never "dated." lol

 

[Phaedron]

Yes we are in the same boat. I too know what its like to enjoy being whipped, dominated or otherwise, but what causes these desires? Years of being alone, we reach the point where we will do anything for love.

We become the pillar of strength, able to resolve conflicts. We want someone who will accept our devotion, put it to us, a girl who is full of herself but rightly so and in a good sort of way.

I'm going to tell you the secret. It is part of the wisdom of balance, the mystery of going back and forth between the positive and negative in the spiral of duality. Just as we spend some time awake and some time dreaming, and as the day and night change. So understand that one will always find the opposite from wherever you are.

So think of love like a mountain you need to climb, but to get to the top the road spirals around and doesn't lead directly up. Sometimes you have to go in the wrong direction before you get it right, but no direction is really the wrong direction.

Or you might wonder how metal should approach a crazy living magnet that either attracts or repels. The answer is to change your own alloy. I'm not saying to lie or manipulate as this will lead to ruin, just be mindful of the order in which you present yourself and the coarse that your dealings with her will follow. The path is not always predictable, but you would do well to be prepared for whatever happens, perhaps make a few contingency plans.

Above all else... consider the person you have fallen in love with. Try to understand her. Do not submit to her directly, submit to her indirectly by becoming what she needs, and be willing to take, be confident and shine. Submit instead to the love that could bind you.

You have known the giver, you must also play the taker... ironically the giver is the slave... but the taker isn't really fun to play. Now we go back to that high volume existence I was talking about. You need to be in tune with each other as to the extent of the give and take. I prefer magnitude that is as loud as possible, but this level of love is not something many are ready for. The level of love must be balanced and it must be flowing mututally.

For thousands of years man was the dominant gender and life was very sobering and hard. This made a high volume existence more preferable. The mystery of Chivalry is that the man who was dominant became the knight will would make his woman dominant and do anything for her. And she knowing full well that the man was dominant would appreciate this... but the goal was her happiness all along. So in the old days devoted guys were seen as passionate, appreciated, and sought after while abusive guys were not.

Now things are turned upside down. It is both the positive and negative things that bring you closer together. Somewhere on the stage of life we guys are waiting for monsters to appear and threaten a girl, so that we may step in and save her.

Now there is a new element in that it may be her that comes to our rescue. Since things are turned upside down, it is necessary for men to be attractive and women to have the power. Both will have to play both roles. Kind of like a double duality. The problem is I don't even understand what makes a guy attractive, and if I did I'd be gay right. lol

Ugh, I'm not feeling very articulate today.

[youtube]loyTCkV06xQ[/youtube]

 

[Despair]

Ugh, I'm not feeling very articulate today.

Keep it simple... Keep it real.

Instead of falling in love with her, make her fall in love with you.

[youtube]UYZXlxxX3UY[/youtube]

Bleak desolation
In a beam of sun
Scraping as I crawl
Your heart can�t hear me
Tearing bruising fall
Your hands can�t hear me
Thirsting raging blind
Your eyes can�t hear me
Racing against time
Your arms can�t hear me
Like and angel you�ll come
In a dream, precious one
And, make me beautifully numb
Desperate panicked calls
The wind can�t hear me
Muffled weak and small
The sand can�t hear me
Pleading groping hands
The truth can�t hear me
Bleeding in the sand
Your heart can�t hear me
Bleak desolation
In a beam of sun
Like an angel you�ll come
In a dream, blessed one
And, make me joyfully numb
Razor fingers cling
The wind can�t hear me
Piercing demons sing
The sand can�t hear me
Twisting hollow Hell
The truth can�t hear me
Burning blisters swell
Your heart can�t hear me
Sharp cut aching breath
Your arms can�t hear me
Choking scent of death
You hands can�t hear me
Grueling jaw bone grind
Your eyes can�t hear me
Cursed by my own mind
Your heart can�t hear me

 

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Catharsis, no offense, but you sound like a New Ager
lol
I'm just kidding, no offense. I'm just not into seeing it that way anymore. I know all those secrets, and well... here, let me put it a way I'm sure you'll understand: its great if it works for you, you have to do what you have to do for yourself, but it doesn't work for me.

lol (was I convincing?)

But thank you for the info

Can't say amen. But I have sympathy for you.
Actually...looking back.....men who treated me good were good looking and men who did not were fugly or had issues.

Thanks for the sympathy, I very much appreciate it.
Having said that, you might benefit from Catharsis' method.
joking, smile

Great, so you should not talk to good looking women anywhere ......including this forum (me, Naleena,Eve etc all the other pretty girls for example). We look good and we are evil. :-D lol

You're all nice girls (well... Naleena, Eve, and the others, lol jk).
Girls don't usually intimidate me at all unless there's a possibility of romance involved. So far as I know there's only conversation involved.
And girls look good when they're evil, so keep it up (just don't get your heart broke

@DR.I am not sure what you meant. I am not into feminine guys.

Awww, I think its cute the way you play *wink*
(had to answer this one again, I didn't realize you were trying to pwn me at first )

Instead of falling in love with her, make her fall in love with you.

Interesting... I like it.

But what if you make her fall in love with you, and then you don't fall in love with her?

Does love just happen? And if so, when does it just stop happening? And who has more authority to say when its over, the man or the woman?
If I say ten times that its over, why does it somehow mean less than when she says it one time? Oops, she said it, so now its real.

*razzberry*

 

[Phaedron]

Well bring it up to her when it happens. We live in an equal world so if she values equality then let it be equal. Other then that do try and discard the sexist attitudes at the door.