is loneliness an age thing?

[eolithicman]

Hi all, I'm in my late 40s from Manchester UK, several months out of a long relationship, i was just wondering if there were any other mature lonely people out there? or am i an exception to the rule

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

i've often wondered that as well. i certainly hope not.

i don't think loneliness is affected by age.

but i do think that people learn to cope with age, which is almost as frightening, because as they develop better mechanisms to cope - denial, rationalization, projection, whatever the flavor may be - it means all of our chances of finding a meaningful and lasting relationship are decreased with age.

scary honeysuckle considering my track record.

you've just got to find someone with an open heart who is in touch with his or her inner child and hasn't given up. you are wasting your time if you sense that someone has given up and is simply going through the motions, but not committed to the process, because, to them, it is easier to deal with loneliness than to risk heartache. they've learned to ... "cope". (or at least convinced themselves that they have).

*shudder*

good luck!

 

[VanillaCreme]

There are plenty of people who are half your age and twice your age, and still lonely. So, I would say no. I don't think it has anything to do with age.

 

[lonelye]

I personally feel that living in alone is not due to the over age in other words you can say that due to maturity its because of nature.

 

[Minus]

.... i was just wondering if there were any other mature lonely people out there? or am i an exception to the rule

The majority of users here are younger but that has nothing to do with any relationship between age and loneliness. It is a reflection of how different age groups use the internet.

For example in a poll of 2,012 adults age 18 and over, of the internet users, 36% of the users age 18 to 29 say that they frequently used instant messaging, that dropped to 18% for the 30-49 age group and to 12% for those 50 and older.

There was no information specifically on forum usage but it seems likely that older internet users, lonely or not, are under represented in forums.

Yes there are countless lonely mature people in the general population. Age does not make them immune. Mature people also experence losses and can become isolated.

Even here we have some members who are of retirement age.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I'm in my 40's. Got out of a long term relationship that turned toxic.
It took me a while to recovered or adjust from that.
I'm feeling much better now.

Life is kind of wierd and new to me in a new weird way.
It'll be all-right as long as I stay all right.

I still have challenges in the relationship department.
As much as i don't wanna put a blanket or generalize women from my past experince,
I still do (if i run with it) or I'm having a hard time of tursting people or women.
It's still black and white to me....I'll either put a woman in the godess section or the pyscho
***** section.
On a good day...I think all women belongs in the pyshco ***** section

I know it's how I feel and it's my problems or challenges I must get through somehow.
I know not everyone have the same feelings about women and life as i do...its ok.

 

[Doing time in NY]

Hi all, I'm in my late 40s from Manchester UK, several months out of a long relationship, i was just wondering if there were any other mature lonely people out there? or am i an exception to the rule

I don't think loneliness is an age I think it has to do with the decisions we make in our lives and the people for who we surround ourselves with. Those who seem to be the best for us in the beginning through time become the worst or do we become the worst because we have choosen badly in the beginning. Do we choose people because we want to be wanted so badly in the beginning we marry or move in with people we know aren't good for us because there their? We need to be loved and desired so badly that we'll do anything to have it! I just turned 50 last week and I've been married 26 years and my marriage isn't exactly what I want or need but I'm in therpy with him and we are trying. Things we did to eachother years ago seem to be the things that have come between us now when we need eachother the most "I love you but I'm not in love with you" seems to resinate in your sole after 25 years. Does anyone get the true love forever, GOD someone has to or this marriage thing wouldn't have lasted for millions of years...
Why do you think these forums are so popular, People need People there is no way around it period.

 

[eolithicman]

Hi all, I'm in my late 40s from Manchester UK, several months out of a long relationship, i was just wondering if there were any other mature lonely people out there? or am i an exception to the rule

I don't think loneliness is an age I think it has to do with the decisions we make in our lives and the people for who we surround ourselves with. Those who seem to be the best for us in the beginning through time become the worst or do we become the worst because we have choosen badly in the beginning. Do we choose people because we want to be wanted so badly in the beginning we marry or move in with people we know aren't good for us because there their? We need to be loved and desired so badly that we'll do anything to have it! I just turned 50 last week and I've been married 26 years and my marriage isn't exactly what I want or need but I'm in therpy with him and we are trying. Things we did to eachother years ago seem to be the things that have come between us now when we need eachother the most "I love you but I'm not in love with you" seems to resinate in your sole after 25 years. Does anyone get the true love forever, GOD someone has to or this marriage thing wouldn't have lasted for millions of years...
Why do you think these forums are so popular, People need People there is no way around it period.

Thank you Doing time, your words of wisdom ring so true, I sympathize with you as i too have been in a similar predicament, I do hope that you and your partner are able to resolve things, and things work out OK,
(its my opinion that a pair of old slippers with a hole in, are better then none at all)

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[Doing time in NY]

I'm in my 40's. Got out of a long term relationship that turned toxic.
It took me a while to recovered or adjust from that.
I'm feeling much better now.

Life is kind of wierd and new to me in a new weird way.
It'll be all-right as long as I stay all right.

I still have challenges in the relationship department.
As much as i don't wanna put a blanket or generalize women from my past experince,
I still do (if i run with it) or I'm having a hard time of tursting people or women.
It's still black and white to me....I'll either put a woman in the godess section or the pyscho
***** section.
On a good day...I think all women belongs in the pyshco ***** section

I know it's how I feel and it's my problems or challenges I must get through somehow.
I know not everyone have the same feelings about women and life as i do...its ok.

Lonesome Crow,
Your spot on in the defination of women. Either there jealous, petty horrid humans or there sitting there trying to steal you spouse or your look or your nail salon, etc. I too have had nothing but trouble with some women, they seem to be in the same catagory JEALOUS of what ever you have or look like or your childrens attributes or your husbands pay check or your house. I started out at 18 a Flight Attendant and boy oh boy do you see women at there worst, I can't tell you how well they treated the plain flight attendants and the pretty and or beautiful (F.A.'s for short) were treated like dirt this is when I learned what I was in for the rest of my life. No matter where I went in this world or what country I was in the women were the same everywhere. As I grew older nothing changed and today they still have there petty idiotic trouble I delt with in my teens.
This is what I learned to help ME, be as nice and sweet to them always say the nicest things to them smile and never loose your composure they HATE this and it makes them crazy really crazy. No matter how nasty they become you stay calm and kind evenn if your ready to blow go to the bathroom gather your composure once again and right back to the crown. They eventually they tire of talking behind your back and move on to another.
Now Loneliness this is a bit harder. When we were children we were basically forced to make friends in grade school by junior high we have learned the game and in high school and college we learn to perfect it. then we go into the work force and we still find those WOMEN and the men that we'd vomit before we'd date them only the ones that make your knees wobble. You marry, you have children and years go by, time and time again you and your spouce grow farther and farther apart because no one taught us how to keep our marriage HAPPY and our sex life wild and sexy. This is where loneliness comes in for both men and women. We love our spouce but we somehow aren't in love any longer because we didn't nourish our marriage likie we did our children that is why 63% of american marriages end in failure...
Financial problems, what if problems, you did it! problems.
Then we run to the internet trying to find someone to talk to so we aren't so lonely.
If we learned how to all the items above we would be playing tennis with loads of friends and not lonely.

 

[Doing time in NY]

.... i was just wondering if there were any other mature lonely people out there? or am i an exception to the rule

The majority of users here are younger but that has nothing to do with any relationship between age and loneliness. It is a reflection of how different age groups use the internet.

For example in a poll of 2,012 adults age 18 and over, of the internet users, 36% of the users age 18 to 29 say that they frequently used instant messaging, that dropped to 18% for the 30-49 age group and to 12% for those 50 and older.

There was no information specifically on forum usage but it seems likely that older internet users, lonely or not, are under represented in forums.

Yes there are countless lonely mature people in the general population. Age does not make them immune. Mature people also experence losses and can become isolated.

Even here we have some members who are of retirement age.

You might be one of my sole mates floating out there, I too have not let go of my inner child and I never will. I enjoy the good laugh, the crazy banter the fun of doing something so silly. Being an adult isn't what I thought it was not is it what I was taught it was. I still get a kick out of rearranging my neighbors flower pots in the middle of the night because she still believes in leprechans, I still love to spray paint my grass (lawn) because I still can't get a patch of it to grow (green) out front where the snow plow pushes all the **** salt we have to use here due to all the snow. I loved to jump on the roof at Christmas to keep my children believing in Santa what ever it took to keep them young I did. Now I was lucky enough to have a husband who went a long with my childish games. As the children learn one by one that there is no Santa and no Easter Bunny or Leprechans you deal but you still hope that somewhere out there is someone elses child who believes or what are we all doing this for, right!
Loneliness is deadly because as children we were still naive enough to ask "Will you play with me" but as adults we can't seem to ask that any longer. Why it's so easy to do, you gdo to a restaurant walk into the bar area and look at all the singles sitting alone in chairs just dying for conversation why are we afraid to say "Hey I'm lonely will you talk to me through a few glasses of wine or a couple of beers?" Why is it so hard for us to do this. It's so clear as the nose on our faces that were lonely or we'd be at home what is it about being an adult that keeps us from asking a person from our neighborhood, Will you sit with me and have a beer? After we do this within a few hours were finde again and the next time we go to that place we will meet more friends and more don't be shy folks talk the people there are lonely also...

 

[VanillaCreme]

Lonesome Crow,
Your spot on in the defination of women. Either there jealous, petty horrid humans or there sitting there trying to steal you spouse or your look or your nail salon, etc. I too have had nothing but trouble with some women, they seem to be in the same catagory JEALOUS of what ever you have or look like or your childrens attributes or your husbands pay check or your house. I started out at 18 a Flight Attendant and boy oh boy do you see women at there worst, I can't tell you how well they treated the plain flight attendants and the pretty and or beautiful (F.A.'s for short) were treated like dirt this is when I learned what I was in for the rest of my life. No matter where I went in this world or what country I was in the women were the same everywhere. As I grew older nothing changed and today they still have there petty idiotic trouble I delt with in my teens.
This is what I learned to help ME, be as nice and sweet to them always say the nicest things to them smile and never loose your composure they HATE this and it makes them crazy really crazy. No matter how nasty they become you stay calm and kind evenn if your ready to blow go to the bathroom gather your composure once again and right back to the crown. They eventually they tire of talking behind your back and move on to another.
Now Loneliness this is a bit harder. When we were children we were basically forced to make friends in grade school by junior high we have learned the game and in high school and college we learn to perfect it. then we go into the work force and we still find those WOMEN and the men that we'd vomit before we'd date them only the ones that make your knees wobble. You marry, you have children and years go by, time and time again you and your spouce grow farther and farther apart because no one taught us how to keep our marriage HAPPY and our sex life wild and sexy. This is where loneliness comes in for both men and women. We love our spouce but we somehow aren't in love any longer because we didn't nourish our marriage likie we did our children that is why 63% of american marriages end in failure...
Financial problems, what if problems, you did it! problems.
Then we run to the internet trying to find someone to talk to so we aren't so lonely.
If we learned how to all the items above we would be playing tennis with loads of friends and not lonely.

My understanding is that, when people go through tough situations and tough predicaments, it sometimes makes them bitter. And as a woman, or a person in general, I don't envy bitter people. Allowing the few to spoil the bunch really leaves a bad taste in your mouth, don't it?

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^Gotta agree with the Creme.

 

[Venetia]

I am considerably older than the rest of you I would guess. Some of my closest friends have died. Making new friends when you are older is very difficult.

 

[SmallTownLonely]

I've been struggling with this issue myself. I just turned 40 and find people at my age are either in a relationship or were in a relationship and are now bitter toward the opposite sex. They say it is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all. I would just like the chance to decide for myself. I haven't had a girlfriend in over 20 years. I just kept waiting for it to happen, and waiting and now I've given up on finding someone special.