Its an odd feeling.

[Equality7-2521]

It's hard to really say how long I have felt like this. I guess it has been a growing a feeling for the last year or so. I had a falling out with my last girlfriend of nearly five years. She left me with no real reason to be spoken, and into the arms of the another guy. Then after that I lost most of the people I hung with because of it showing their true colors I guess.

Since then I've withdrawn myself from the world, and by this I mean I don't try to socialize with the people around me. I still go out to do day to day business, and I still go out with friends about once a month. It's different though. I see things from the 3rd perspective. I watch as these people interact with each other with their ordinary tasks. Those same tasks I took for granted when I had people I could rely on to be there at my side.

At some points watching these people smile, and laugh brings me joy; to know that while I may be unhappy there is still joy in the world. At the same time it just pokes at me about how alone I am here in my own little world.

With that the feelings of not being good enough grow at an exponential rate where I question my intelligence, my physical body, and my morels on if I am a good person or not are questioned. Which hinders my abilities further.

 

[Ox Blood]

And as you view the world from a 3rd perspective, I ask you: Do you notice the others that bleed into the background, just you, yourself do? I assure you, you are not alone in doing the same. Even those you encounter everyday, there may be someone else who is like you and just as lonely.

It takes effort, or work (if you prefer), to not be lonely. Make the effort to connect with those that may seem like they are disconnected from the world around them. You might be surprised at what you may come to learn about that person, or how they light up at the conversation. You can be the reason for someone's smile, instead of simply watching others around you enjoy themselves.

In the meantime... I don't think you should make the connection of a failed relationship equivalent to your self-worth. Things happen. People are inconsistent. Take this time to build yourself up, change things about yourself that you are unhappy with, and create a better lifestyle. You may not know her reasons for leaving, may not ever know, and you need to find peace with that by telling yourself you are worth something. That she made a huge mistake by leaving you when you have so much offer. Reinforce that idea with positive changes in your life -- and you will find that others will be attracted to that light that you will shine out.

But, it's a matter of what you decide... You can choose to change your thoughts, or allow them to decay and tear away at your self-esteem. The best choice isn't always the easiest.

 

[ardour]

That's why waiting until marriage is a better idea... at least you know that the person is serious about you and won't leave at the drop of a hat.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Do you still feel that rejection?
Dose thoughts of her still enters your mind.
Sometomes love. Other times hate.

Do you feel envious?
Do you feel a great lost...not just her but
also the lost of your hopes and dreams?

Do you sometimes feel like youre also
rejecting yourself.

Do you feel as if everything in life is kind da
retarded or lack luster?

Music has no sounds.
Art has no beauty
Food have no taste
Flowers has no smell
Sunshine has no warmth.
Jokes arnt funny
Poetry has no meaning.

 

[Ox Blood]

That's why waiting until marriage is a better idea... at least you know that the person is serious about you and won't leave at the drop of a hat.

lol, Dating often becomes before marriage. I'd rather take the time to get someone via dating, instead of getting married too soon and getting divorced.

Shame that so many have degraded marriage away to that state. It's hardly considered a sacred union anymore.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Just for a moment....can you allow yourself
to love yourself as you are at this moment..
.Not wanting to change anything abiut you.
Just love youself as you are.

Can you allow yourself to feel you are
loved by her and all your hopes and dreams
had akready came true.....as if you arrived
slready. As if your in heaven already.

 

[Equality7-2521]

And as you view the world from a 3rd perspective, I ask you: Do you notice the others that bleed into the background, just you, yourself do? I assure you, you are not alone in doing the same. Even those you encounter everyday, there may be someone else who is like you and just as lonely.

It takes effort, or work (if you prefer), to not be lonely. Make the effort to connect with those that may seem like they are disconnected from the world around them. You might be surprised at what you may come to learn about that person, or how they light up at the conversation. You can be the reason for someone's smile, instead of simply watching others around you enjoy themselves.

In the meantime... I don't think you should make the connection of a failed relationship equivalent to your self-worth. Things happen. People are inconsistent. Take this time to build yourself up, change things about yourself that you are unhappy with, and create a better lifestyle. You may not know her reasons for leaving, may not ever know, and you need to find peace with that by telling yourself you are worth something. That she made a huge mistake by leaving you when you have so much offer. Reinforce that idea with positive changes in your life -- and you will find that others will be attracted to that light that you will shine out.

But, it's a matter of what you decide... You can choose to change your thoughts, or allow them to decay and tear away at your self-esteem. The best choice isn't always the easiest.

Oh I know I am not the only one who bleeds openly. As I do look for those who do. I am just terrible at meeting people as I doubt people would want to even be seen with me. I have an issue with my appearance. You see I had birth defect which after many surgeries has left its mark across my body in places some can see and some can not. Which leaves me to question my looks. Its not something I think about until I go to meet new people. As you may see I have a hard time meeting people.

As for change its been an interesting year. I've gotten a better job working with nuclear medicine, and gone back to school. Connected with some of my lost friends.

I am not really self defeating in the sense I beat myself up for it. I understand that is life, and that it will go on. I don't get hung up on the failures rather I look to the future. I just found it harder this month finding that my ex is getting married.

Q and A with Lonesome Crow:

Do you still feel that rejection? No
Dose thoughts of her still enters your mind.
Sometomes love. Other times hate. yes and it more just curiosity

Do you feel envious? In minor sense since I lost people out of the deal.
Do you feel a great lost...not just her but
also the lost of your hopes and dreams? Not really I can see clearly now.

Do you sometimes feel like youre also
rejecting yourself. not often

Do you feel as if everything in life is kind da
retarded or lack luster? a bit but then again that was my view before.

Music has no sounds.
Art has no beauty
Food have no taste
Flowers has no smell
Sunshine has no warmth.
Jokes arnt funny
Poetry has no meaning. I still enjoy all of those, and find them to be inspiring.

 

[Mike_theLoneWolf]

But, it's a matter of what you decide... You can choose to change your thoughts, or allow them to decay and tear away at your self-esteem. The best choice isn't always the easiest.

that quote applies to me. My confidence has plummeted since the rejection I went through also. The most important thing about our experiences is that we learn from them. Equality7-2521, you say that you see things from the third perspective, these are some of the consequences of the experience we go through. We see things differently afterwards. I can relate to you.

 

[Sci-Fi]

You've disconnected yourself from the reality around you. Looking at things from a 3rd perspective can be good but it can also be damaging. Sometimes you can over analyze things and see more than what is really there. You don't want to let your thoughts get ahead of you, which is really, really, easy to do. I do that. I have to stop and tell myself that I'm probably reading too much into things.

There comes a point in everyone's life where you have to revisit yourself and figure out what it is you want from life, and what you want out of yourself.

Don't dwell on the past, it's the past. It will always be there but shouldn't rule your life and hinder your future. Your ex is getting married, that's good for her, it might hurt you but that is over. It's time to move on with your life. Be happy for her and focus on you being happy as well. She wasn't right for you, if she was she would still be with you. At some point you have to let old hurt feelings go.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Oh wow....shes getting marry.
Yes, curiosity alway gets the best of me too.
Its normal given the circumstance...
Its really annoying when my mind gose looking
for problems its can not resolved.
I have no control over other people.
I catch myself doing this sonetimes.

Losing the love of my life is odd sometines.
Grieving is differnt for everyone. The vary
stages of it which dosnt cones in a particilar
sequence.
I dont care much for a strangers touch but
i cant hold her anymore.

Yeap..life gose on oneway or the other.


It wonderful that you have

---

that youre going to school and got a new job.
Sonetines we dont guve ourselves enough credit.

Everyone go at their own pace....i guess.
I still havnt been able to enjoy the msny
simple things in life....
Its slow for me. Maybe someday i can
actailly hear music again.

Irs been a journey for me as will, especaiily in
the past couple of years.

Such as nught. I was talking to a couple sisters.
Conplete stangers Ive never met before.
Getting know them and finding things to talk about
that we can relate to.
Theyre on a mission to save ny soul.
They gave me their numbers after we chut chat for a couple of hours.
Im a sinner. Sweet beautiful angels they are.