it's so exhausting... :(

[cookie]

Having a bad moment/day/week

Recently I've met a nice guy. We were hooked up by friends on a wedding.
First I thought he was very funny and he made me laugh with his jokes, his jokes were even including me, since I do like to laugh about myself it was ok
(I paid him back too ). So it was obvious we found each other attractive.
So, I directly talked to him about what I want; and I do want a relationship. He was honest and said that he was just out of a long term
relationship so he wouldn't want it go that far. That was fair to me.
Well, I admit, since he is very sexy to me, we had a good time two months long. But I was
really trying to keep a distance, but he was not. I admit I could have stoped him a little, but it felt so good anyhow.
He texted me from early in the morning till late in the night. We saw each other every day and we didn't
have sex each time. It was like being a couple. He invited me to the movies and going out with his friends. Then he was in conversations speaking about
trips we could do in a couple of months. Umm....well, I kinda thought: for a guy who is not interested in a relationship he is planning too much.
But I didn't say anything, I don't know why, I was like an observer of a development, like someone watching a science show. Of course I've found it cute, too.
Anyways, since he had much to do, he is a student (preparing for many exams) and moving into a new appartment which he has to renovate, he didn't pay much attention
to all when he has met me. But as I said, I didn't force him. I anyways went to my job the only thing I missed was doing my sports regularly.
But since a week or two he is very unfriendly, still making jokes (about me) but this time very mean ones. Ok, I thought, I get it, he wants to get rid of me.
So I ignored him and left him alone, because I don't need another a***ole guy in my life. I had them in the past. But he kept on calling, wanting me
to go to the movies with him. Then he was being nice and easygoing.
The day after he kept on making mean jokes. When I told him they weren't funny he apologized.
But now he is keeping the distance to me. When I text him asking when we'll see each other, he wont reply as fast as he used to and then I just get a no.
Without an explanaiton or an "unfortunately" like he used to write or say before, at the beginning.
You know, am I so desperate to misjudge the signs? I knew this wasn't going anywhere but then he started doing stuff like a boyfriend and caring so much
doing stuff for me, showing his (and my) friends he was the guy by my side. I really don't get it. I didn't ask him to do it. Since I've suffered 4 years
because of a guy who didnt deserve me (and my own fault was I was idealizing him and wasting my time). SO for that not to happen again to me, I became very
cautious. I'm not in love with this actual guy but I thought I might like him alot in future. But since he is behaving like this I keep asking myself why me again.
Why is there no cute, sweet guy. I mean I'm not ugly, I'm funny, witty, smart, caring, I cry watching romantic or sad movies, yeah I can be a annoying too, I'm a woman for god's sake.
So why the hell is that always so, that I never meet a man who appreciates that? I know so many women like me, in the same situation. Are there any guys
who really want that kind of a woman and relationship? Or am I an idiot who watched too many Disney-movies.
Thanks for reading, please don't rip me off people.

 

[LGH1288]

Hi cookie -- I don't blame you one bit for feeling emotionally exhausted! Your focused assessment of the relationship's turbulence is spot on. What will you do now? Will you take a break then reassess and discuss at a later date? Far too much pressure could make the cookie crumble! LG

 

[ShybutHi]

Seems to me like you might be going for the wrong type of guys. I for example wouldnt ever make jokes that could potentially be offensive to someone especially a girlfriend, its just a question of respect and being nice to your fellow people in the end really.

 

[stuff4096]

Sorry to hear about your rocky situation. I often ask myself the same question as you - why can I not find a girl that wants to be with someone like me. Unfortunately not all of us sweet guys are cute :S I cannot speak for all guys, but I can say I would love to find girl with the qualities you used to describe yourself. I do not think you are being an idiot for believing in happy endings. There are good guys out there, perhaps rare and hard to find, but out there nonetheless. I certainly agree that this guy was being a total jerk to you and you should forget about him immediately. You did nothing to deserve such disrespectful treatment and he is not worth another thought. I like that you were upfront about what you wanted out of the relationship. I wish more girls would do that. But when you found out that he did not want what you wanted I think you should have kept it platonic. I can understand how things would be confusing with all of the mixed signals. I do feel bad that you seem to be finding a lot of bad ones. A sweet girl like you should attract a lot of suitors. Perhaps the thing to do is reevaluate your thinking process when choosing which guys to get involved with. Good luck to you and I hope the next guy is not a toad

 

[Abhorred]

This is so weird because I had a situation just like that!
It was going cute and okay, and then all of a sudden this ********* monster comes out of nowhere!
Unfortunately, there are 2 women to every 1 man and sometimes that makes guys feel like that have the freedom of being mannerless. But that's okay because you don't need that in your life. Cut the ties. If he's being mean to you and you let it continue (even just saying, no don't do that but staying around when he does), you're condoning his behavior. That makes him think it's okay to disrespect you. It's not. You're a human being who deserves to be treated right and not stringed along.

I know sometimes I get a little desperate for attention (even though that's not the best way of putting it) but you have to remember to keep your emotions in check. Dating is such a complicated dance and the only thing I can say is that most generally you won't end up alone in life. You'll find someone who likes you for who you are.

Chill girl. And keep your options open.

 

[AncientBard]

That would exhaust me as well, in fact I think it would anyone. He's not being very fair with you IMHO.

 

[cookie]

Hello everybody,

thanks for your support that really cheered me up.

@LG
How sweet you are, you made me laugh, hehe. So true, too much pressure could make me lose my chocolate chips. And no cookie is good without chocolate *trying to be funny, haha


@shybutHi
very true, I know my problem unfortunately. Every time I try to meet different guys than the "usual" ones. But at the end they end up being douchebags.
I would appreciate any advice how to make this stop. Or how to find out what attracts me to them, so I can just turn it off. :-/

@stuff
I really don't know how to find that guy. I used to go out a while but the guys I met in clubs were always annoying even when they were not drunk.
I gave up on that long time ago. I work in a social institution with people who have serious mental diseases or drug addictions. So meeting someone there
is quite no option. My colleagues are either married or not really people I would like to be friends with.
Mostly my interests are typical women's stuff, so I do meet more women. I have no idea where to meet a good guy, where they hang out and why they wont find me
Like I said to shy, I really have no idea why I end up with this kind of guys. I'm not after beauty but I admit I do like someone whom I feel attracted to physically.
I tink thats normal and ok. Of course there has to be more behind.

@Abhorred

See, as I said, I know so many women who made the same experiences as me. And they are all from different backgrounds, have different jobs and personalities.
I don't get it. I mean the nicer you are to a guy the meaner he gets. I'm not someone who keeps on calling or running after him. As I said, I made my experience
in that in the past and I learned my lesson. :-(

@AncientBard
Thank you for your kind words!

Anyways, I went shopping today with a friend and I decided not to call him again still unsure about cutting him off or not. I feel so cruel when I directly
cut someone like that. So while I was shopping he called me in the afternoon and sang a christmas song right away. Well, let's say I'm glad he never
tried to start a singing career. That was my first advice to him when he stopped singing. It was funny I admit and made me laugh again (****!).
I figured he was very insecure on the phone and asking me several times what I was doing and telling me several times what he was doing. I was like "ok, ok".
And told him I'd call back because my friend was next to me. So later we talked on the phone again and he was still insecure, repeating himself and told me
he had a cold and needed some sleep. Well, now I guess he might be still sleeping. I don't know what to think or to do. I think my curiousity will keep me
in touch with him anyway. I don't really know if that's a good decision.

 

[INTJ]

You feel cruel cutting someone who's mean to you.

So, you're a masochist?