Judging the Homeless

[Lost Drifter]

Whilst walking home tonight I saw a homeless man begging outside a supermarket. Around my age, he looked cold, tired and hungry as he asked passing people if they had any change even though none responded. My first instinct was to help this man out somehow but then I got thinking...

What if he declined my help? What if he started shouting to embarrass me in front of everyone? They may think I was weird trying to help a homeless man or I must have done something really stupid to anger him. Those people will go on to tell their family and friends the embarrassing story about the guy getting torn up by a homeless man and I would leave feeling like an ashamed idiot.

This ‘embarrassment’ soon led to the fabrication of excuses to justify my fear. What if the homeless man was a drug addict or drunk? What if he, as strange as this sounds, deserved his life? Walking past and ignoring him wouldn’t be so bad in that case, not as if I was abandoning one of the good guys and it would absolve me of any guilt. In seconds I had already judged this man to justify my own fears and for a split second I even believed it. It was so **** easy while being so wrong too.

Thankfully I remembered the importance of not allowing others to dictate my life and force my behaviour; so what if onlookers made me feel embarrassed? Who cares if the man was ‘bad’ in some way? Who was I to judge? My immediate instinct was that this man needed help and when I brought it down to that nothing else really mattered. I went into the supermarket and bought him some food and drink, sure I had weird looks from people when I handed them to him outside but having him smile back and thank me made me feel an idiot for judging and making excuses before.

So when you see anyone in need, does your perceived embarrassment prevent you from helping out? Do you worry you’ll mess things up or look like an idiot even though you want to help?

 

[LoneKiller]

Not at all.
A person in need is a person in need.

 

[monkeysocks]

All stereotyping comes from a fear base.

I was once on a community forum and the local folk were calling a man who lived on a boat with his two dogs - what they didn't know that this guy was highly intelligent and was once a speedway champion - life had just put him on that boat - OK it was shabby - but he didn't chose to be there.

The same goes for homeless people.

Last year I found myself in the same situation - homeless TWICE - I am not a drug addict, don't drink at all and had a good job and great home. The only difference was I had enough money to put myself in a hotel when this happened.

No one would help, council anyone - because I was not pregnant or disabled.

I even got my MP to write to the secretary of state - He didn't do anything to help the cause.

This horrified me because I realised if I didn't have any money I would have literally had to find a shop door way and some cardboard boxes.

So I am proud of you for helping that guy and I don't ever look at homeless in the stereo typical way again after being there myself.

 

[bulmabriefs144]

Whilst walking home tonight I saw a homeless man begging outside a supermarket. Around my age, he looked cold, tired and hungry as he asked passing people if they had any change even though none responded. My first instinct was to help this man out somehow but then I got thinking...

What if he declined my help?

This ‘embarrassment’ soon led to the fabrication of excuses to justify my fear. What if the homeless man was a drug addict or drunk? What if he, as strange as this sounds, deserved his life?

If he declined your help, he declined your help. Talking yourself out of it is worse than useless. As to the "he might be a druggie" think carefully, do you really care what he uses money for? If I gave you an allowance, it might be that you'd spend it on porn, but I'd still give you an allowance if I wanted to. How is a drug addict a bad person? A drug dealer might be a bad person, and addict is just that, an addict. Should I begrudge you your obvious porn addiction, or just remember that I too have addictions? *sales link removed*, drunks aren't evil, unless they actually run people over or something (not by accident either).

If you do want to it or don't, that's your right. But never lie to yourself.

If I was poor and suffering (which could easily happen when my parents die, since I don't make much), I would turn down help from someone like you.

That said, don't let that stop you, if that's what you want. But it was far from an immediate instinct. Next time, do it not because of charity, or do not avoid doing it because of embarassment. Do all deeds, good or evil, without thinking.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Just be careful of people who try to use your empathy against you intentionally to manipulate you. Those are the dangerous ones.

 

[monkeysocks]

RE: post above Sophiagrace's post (quote button won't work)

I don't quite get your point, perhaps if it didn't read a tad insulting I would have done .

There is nothing 'worse than useless' about evaluating a situation that is unknown to you and also to question that if he gave him money it could be used on something that is harmful instead of beneficial.

After all, a lot of homeless people turn to drink and drugs. Unless lost drifter is 'psychic' he had no way of knowing how the man would react or what any money would go on.

Just because a lot of homeless people take drugs, doesn't mean charity includes wanting to help feed a habit which is harmful - so 'his' choice on how to be charitable on his own morale stance on drink/drugs.

the guy gratefully accepted - he didn't say 'well I'll accept this as long as you haven't been cautious or selective in what you gave'

It was his 'situation' and his to evaluate it and allowed to 'think' about it

At the end of the day food was far better for the guy's health - whether he was on drugs or not.

Either way he DID do it for Charity - in his own way ! like each of us are allowed to do.

The post also admits embarrassment over initial mis-judgement - not in giving.

If you were poor and suffering you wouldn't 'turn down' help from someone like lost drifter on a morale stance that he was cautious or evaluated how he wanted to help you - you would just appreciate ANY help......or starve.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Yes there was nothing actually wrong with the situation itself in which empathy was actively exploited but it seems to be a tactic of people who truely do want to take advantage, to work on your empathy because they want to use you.

Giving the person food, Lost drifter didn't have much to lose. Food is never bad. Nor is trying to help another person.

To further explain my point, I've had people cry before because they knew it made me feel bad, and they intentionally cried to get me to do what they wanted. This is evil and manipulative behavior.

 

[monkeysocks]

Giving is giving - we have all walked past the homeless or any other charity and not given and gone home without feeling guilty.

Ok we shouldn't stereo type the homeless, but they are still strangers to us, caution is allowed just as it is with any stranger.

 

[SophiaGrace]

People should help each other. It's true.

 

[The Pariah]

I find there are many different types of people who find themselves out on the streets, some you need to be more wary of than others. I used to be quite generous when it came to the homeless, back when I used to venture into town during the daytime, but I'm a pretty recognizable person, word soon got around and I became a target, they would zero in on me as I had been generous to them before. I have not given money now in a long time, but some homeless people I have found value simple human interaction just as highly.

I remember several events, which have been truely interesting and enlightening, just by taking 20 minutes to listen to the person, or share a smoke with them. Those I have spoken to have been quite open and honest about the circumstances which have lead them to where they are and their various addictions etc. Sadly, more than a few turn to alcohol or other substances AFTER they find themselves on the streets simply as a way of coping and several are painfully aware that they are too deep to ever break the cycle.

As an individual you can only do so much, and you can't do it all the time, so you should not feel guilty when you find youself unable to help. Caution should of course be used, but never judge someone by their situation alone. We're all people at the end of the day and it's often simply the luck of the draw where we find ourselves in life.

 

[monkeysocks]

I think it is really bad to use this thread via an insulting manner to put up links to religious websites - especially when the subject is not allowed on this forum and an attempt to start a religious thread has already been closed.

It shows no respect for the forum members or the forum rules.

 

[ajdass1]

There are a lot of reasons why someone could become homeless... for example a lot of LGBT youth are kicked out of their homes because their parents are homophobic/transphobic. I mean I don't think I can speak on homeless because I have never been homeless, but everybody is human... at the end of the day homeless people are very vulnerable, especially if they're young, or depending on other factors like if they're in a very racist city. And I think a lot of the negative views on the homeless are probably influenced by classist stereotypes about the poor, e.g. that they must not be working hard enough, they could make it if they really tried, they're lazy benefit fraudsters, it's their own fault they're there, etc. i.e. bullshit stereotypes that I'm sure you know aren't true if you've ever been really badly struggling to get by and have enough to eat every day.

 

[Sci-Fi]

@ monkeysocks - It is religious debate that is not allowed on the forum, discussion is but usually ends up in a debate.

@ bulmabriefs144 - Sales links offering products for money are also not allowed.

 

[Tear of the Goddess]

People should help each other. It's true.

If it only was that easy.

 

[SophiaGrace]

People should help each other. It's true.

If it only was that easy.

Nothing worth it is ever easy.

 

[monkeysocks]

People should help each other. It's true.

If it only was that easy.

Nothing worth it is ever easy.

But still worth it regardless

I will be giving to the homeless this christmas, there is nothing more soul destroying having no where to live. I don't know how they carry on to be honest.

 

[Okiedokes]

One time I kinda regret not helping someone who was what appeared to be looking for stuff in trashes. I don't really see anyone sitting on the ground where it would look obvious they need help. Otherwise... I wanna say screw what others think. I've heard it's MUCH better to buy them food rather than give money so they don't spend it on alcohol or any other unhelpful substance.

 

[Walley]

There are a lot of reasons why someone could become homeless...

but unfortunately if you actualy go on the street and learn about them, you will find alot of the stories are not that different.
i'm not going to jump too much into this subject because i know my views will be unpopular and also regional, because i doubt that homeless people are the same everywhere you go and I can only relate to those in my expirience.
but i actually know a homeless man.
i'm talking a long breaded dazed and confused guy that stands against a wall with his hand stretched out for hours on end mumbling to himself.
I used to go to school with him, we had lots of similar friends and same crowd!.
he was a typical case of a guy that would constantly make poor choices and took bad drugs and over induldged in everything.
he was NOT a victim in any way. anyone that knows this guy knows full well anything that happened in his life was self inflicted. everyone could see it comming a mile away.
but do people think he needs a few bucks to help him get on his feet? feel better about yourself for thinking you possibly helped someone doesnt actually help him. it just keeps him alive on the street for one more day instead of recieve the real help he needs. he isnt there from being down and out just like alot of them, dare i say most of them. he is there due to mental issues and his mind is gone, whether its from drugs, alcohol or just plain pyscological issues it is actualy closer to inhumane to trickle in a few dolloars by passers by to keep him there sitting in his filth.
do people think he would die if they dont give him money?
you think he went downtown where all the people pass by to die? no. he went there for money to get some crack. if he had absolutely no way of getting money he would be alot closer to recieving help imho.
there is no true reason for anyone to live on the street for long in well developed countries like Canada and USA, but the streets are still full of them in the downtowns of big cities.
ive been down. even lived in my car for a few weeks when i was younger due to harder times. so i know stuff can happen. but it truly is a shame that so many people with mental and addiction issues fall though the cracks and the only help they get is to stay excatly where they are by receiving handouts and a blankey to lay beside the trash with..

 

[monkeysocks]

There are a lot of reasons why someone could become homeless...

so i know stuff can happen. but it truly is a shame that so many people with mental and addiction issues fall though the cracks and the only help they get is to stay excatly where they are by receiving handouts and a blankey to lay beside the trash with..

It is terrible, there are shelters over here, but they are not permanent residences. It's almost like once you are in that position - there is no way back for most.

 

[aribeth]

I feel sorry for the homeless. We had a few in our city because the no longer could get welfare or odsp. One was a father and his son. They would hang outside the mall or on the boardwalk. Lucky for them it was summertime. Come autumn the just disappeared. Most homeless leave town because there is not enough help for them.
That could just as well be me. Ever since to moving to my new apartment I no longer get my mail. This could lead me to some problems.