Kind of a Chicken and Egg question (Can shallowness work to your advangage?)

[cicerolion]

A point that has been beat over the head on this forum is that unattractive people have a barrier when it comes to finding a romantic partner, and that some people think they might have crossed the threshold into being too unattractive to ever find a relationship. Now, I know that being unattractive can be a barrier in other aspects as well: succeeding professionally (people tend to hire or give opportunities to the attractive), getting a good education (teachers act much the same way as employers), or creating a strong social structure (after a certain age, friendships seem to be governed by sexual dynamics). But, I think the prejudices in those areas are more easily overcome, if you work at it. That being said, attractiveness is not the only shallow aspect that attracts people. Being seen as wealthy, successful, intelligent, or have a strong social position might also cue someone to look at you as a potential partner. Personally, I struggle with this idea though. I don't have a great social standing, but my intelligence is not usually denied by others and I have good career/education prospects. Even if it is possible to use those things in same way other people use attractiveness, is that okay? I think the idea is that a relationship that starts from a shallow appeal is not an honest one. But, I think that the reason people rely on those kinds of judgments is that they act like a clearance. I don't think most people stop with that, they just won't start if the appeal isn't there.

So, two questions:

Can other shallow appeals like wealth and power work to attract a partner, even if the person is unattractive?

Even if you hypothetically were able to start a relationship because the other person judged you for your wealth or standing, could that grow into something more honest as you got to know each other?

 

[ladyforsaken]

Can other shallow appeals like wealth and power work to attract a partner, even if the person is unattractive?

Yes, I would think so.

Even if you hypothetically were able to start a relationship because the other person judged you for your wealth or standing, could that grow into something more honest as you got to know each other?

Yes, possible too. I guess it depends on the dynamics of the relationship between the 2 people.
They may start off attracted to each other for such said "shallow" reasons, but over time with interaction and all that, surely other feelings and interests may develop.

To be honest, I think, anything is possible really. Just because everyone is different.. although similar in a way. Not sure if I'm making sense here.

 

[grandstand21]

...my intelligence is not usually denied by others and I have good career/education prospects. Even if it is possible to use those things in same way other people use attractiveness, is that okay?

I believe that this is really the question you want answered, and the answer is yes. Use whatever attractive qualities you have to search for a romantic partner and do not be ashamed to do so. For some people this may be physical attributes, for you it is your intelligence and stable career. The initial attraction causes curiosity and excitement which may lead to a deeper and more personal connection.

 

[Masque]

All appeals can be used to attract a partner.... but if they only wanted one superficial thing in the first place, it's incredibly unlikely that a real connection is going to form.

 

[Evil_Genius]

Ultimately relationships work on a meshing of personality, but before you get a chance to do that, then you need something to get them talking. be six-pack abbs, a loaded wallet or a huge rack. whatever works. even good looks are irrelevant in the absence of chemistry.